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7 | O akville B eaver | T hursday,N ovem ber 14,2019 insidehalton.com 20 19 WeCan Help! Call About Our Lease-To-Own Option 289-205-3433 Tired of renting YourWater Heater?Pud bySteveNease "Just say no" - an expres- sion that began decades ago with an anti-drug cam- paign. But how does it ap- ply outside of that realm? Is it really that easy to just say no in everyday life? Imagine that a friend has asked you to help him move, but you're not able to. Even though you want and need to say no, it can be difficult for a number of reasons. We may be afraid of disappointing him, think that he will see us as a bad friend, or wonder if he may argue with or challenge us. It may seem like just saying yes would be easier, but there are consequences to saying yes when we real- ly want to say no. We may overcommit ourselves and feel overwhelmed, distract- ed or exhausted, or we may resent the situation or even our friend. We only have so much time and energy to give and need to make careful choic- es about what we do with it, and that means saying no to things that we are un- willing or unable to take on for the sake of our own self- care. Start with giving your- self permission to say no - it doesn't mean that you are selfish, uncaring or cold. It means that you are setting limits that are so impor- tant to our balance. Following are some ide- as of how we can say no sensitively, confidently and without apology: • "I would like to help, but I can't." Don't feel the need to tell a detailed story about why you are saying no, whether it's true or not - you may weaken your mes- sage or get caught in a lie. It's better to keep it simple and concise. • "Unfortunately, that won't work for me." Again, no need to give more de- tails, but we could add something simple like "I al- ready have plans." Usually when we feel the need to overexplain, it's because we want to prevent hurt feelings for the other per- son, but we can do that with a pleasant and genu- ine response rather than a long justification. • "I'm going to say no be- cause I'm feeling over- whelmed lately." Rather than being concerned only about the other person's feelings, talk about yours. Honesty goes a long way in a gentle no. • "No, but I appreciate you asking. What about ..." Suggesting an alternative or another support will let you stick to your response and still show care for the asker. Just don't pass the buck by suggesting some- one else solely to take the focus off you. • "I can't right now." This is a good one to say no a bit more softly if you may con- sider saying yes in the fu- ture. But, don't use it if your "no" is for good - you will just set yourself up to have to say no again. Add to these some warmth, genuineness and even a smile and you've got a great start to saying "yes" to saying "no." Melanie McGregor is the communications and advancement specialist at the Canadian Mental Health Association Halton Region Branch, which provides mental health/ addiction community sup- port and education. Visit www.halton.cmha.ca for more information and follow @cmhahalton on Twitter. OPINION LEARN TO 'JUST SAY NO' DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO HELP EVERYONE ALL THE TIME, WRITES MCGREGOR MELANIE MCGREGOR Column It's that time of year when the small furry animals start preparing for a winter of sparse food. This photo was taken recently in Oakville. If you have a photo of town wildlife send a high res photo (if possible) to Oakville Beaver news editor Kevin Nagel at knagel@metroland.com. Brian Gray photo ANIMAL TALES