The South Marysburgh Mirror Druella Acantha Malvina’s Column Gem for the month: Never try to make anyone like yourself; you know and God knows that one of you is enough. More Paraprosdokians... 1. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research | thought | wanted a career. Turns out | just wanted paychecks. In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify...” | wrote DOC- N w 4. | didn’t say it was your fault, | said | was blaming you. 5. Aclear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. fon) A guest in a posh hotel breakfast room called the head waiter over and read from the menu. “I'd like one under-cooked egg so that it’s runny, and one over-cooked egg so that it’s hard to eat. I’d also like grilled bacon that is cold, burnt toast, butter straight from the freezer that is impossible to spread, and a pot of very weak, lukewarm coffee.” ”That’s a complicated order, sir. It might be difficult to do,” said the bewildered waiter. The guest replied sarcastically, “It can’t be that difficult because that’s exactly what you brought yesterday.” A student won first prize at the local high school science fair. He did it to show how condi- tioned we are to alarmists spreading fear of every- thing in our environment. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical ‘Dihydrogen Mon- oxide’ (DHMO). The reasons we should do this: « It can cause excessive sweating and vomit- ing; * Sometimes called hydric acid, it is a major component in acid rain; « It can cause severe burns in its gaseous state; ¢ Accidental inhalation can kill you; It contributes to erosion and the ‘greenhouse effect’; It decreases the effectiveness of automobile brakes; It is colourless, odourless, tasteless and kills thousands every year; Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage; Despite the danger, DHMO is often used... e Asan industrial solvent and coolant; In nuclear power plants; In the production of Styrofoam; As a fire retardant; In many forms of animal research; In the distribution of pesticides; As an additive in ‘junk foods’ and other foods; The student asked 50 people if they sup- ported a ban of the chemical. Forty-three said ‘Yes’; six were undecided and only one knew the chemical was water. The title of his project was, “How Gullible Are We?” Exit line: When I got home last night, my wife d ded I take her ‘ here ex- pensive.’ I took her to a gas station. R22... | eee ULLAL ELIZABETH CROMBIE yl. ROYAL LePAG SALES REPRESENTATIVE — x2)0r www.pictonhomes.com Pro Alliance Realty, srokarage 104 Main St., maw Picton, ON KOK 2TO Tel: 613.476.2700 Toll Free: 877.476.0096 Fax: 613.476.4883 clizabeth.crombie@sympatico.ca Contributions to the Mirror are always welcome! Please see page 2 for details.