The South Marysburgh Mirror Druella Acantha Malvina’s Column Gem for the month: People who give thanks for little will always find that they have enough. Walking through the forest, an atheist hears a rus- tling in the bushes. Turning, he sees a massive bear charging toward him. He runs as fast as he can but trips and falls. As the bear raises a huge paw to strike, the atheist screams, “God help me!” Time freezes. The bear becomes immobile, the forest is silent and the river stops running. Then a powerful voice speaks. “You have denied my exist- ence for years, taught others | don’t exist and credit- ed my creation to a cosmic accident. Why should | help you?” “It would be hypocritical to ask you to help me,” the atheist replies. “But perhaps you could make the bear a Christian.” At this the forest noise resumes, the river runs, the bear drops to its knees, puts his paws to- gether and says, “Lord, for this food | am about to receive, | am truly thankful.” Pa Pa Pa Pa Pa Pa Pa Pa Pa Pa How to Raise a Delinquent Begin at infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way he will grow up to believe the world owes him a living. When he picks up bad words, laugh at him. This will make him think he’s cute. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is 21 and then let him “decide for himself.” Pick up everything he leaves lying around — books, shoes, clothes. Do everything for him so he will be experienced in throwing all responsibil- ity onto others. Quarrel frequently in his presence. In this way he will not be too shocked when the home breaks up. Give a child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his own. Why should he have things as tough as you had them. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink comfort. Denial may lead to harmful frustrations. Take his part against neighbours, teachers, po- lice. They are all prejudiced against your child. When he gets into trouble, apologize for yourself saying, “I never could do anything with him.” Prepare for a life of grief. You are bound to have it. It’s garden time! Here are a few garden thoughts: Why did the potatoes get a divorce? Because they couldn’t see eye to eye. Why did the gardener quit? His celery wasn’t high enough. Why didn’t anyone laugh at the gardener’s jokes? They were too corny. If you’re a gardener you might call yourself a plant manager. Exit Lines: - The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every morning. - Lettin’ the cat outa the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in. Todd Smith, MPP Prince Edward - Hastings Unit #3 - 81 Millennium Parkway, P.O. Box 575 Belleville, Ontario K8N 5B2 Telephone: 613.962.1144 Toll Free: 877.536.6248 Fax: 613.969.6381