The South Marysburgh Mirror Druella Acantha Malvina’s Column Gem for the month: Digging a hole is the only job where you start at the top. Life in the 1500s England was old and small and they started running out of places to bury people so they would dig up coffins, remove the bones and reuse the grave. In reopening these coffins, one out of 25 coffins was found to have scratch marks on the inside of the coffin and they realized they had been burying peo- ple alive. So they thought the solution to this prob- lem was to tie a string on their wrist and bring it up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit in the graveyard all night to listen for the bell. Hence, on the ‘graveyard shift’ they would know that someone was ‘saved by the bell’ or was a ‘dead ringer.’ Calling the doctor, a man spoke frantically into the phone. “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” “No,” the man said, “this is her husband.” Family Genealogy Your great, great, great uncle, Remus Starr, a fellow lacking in character, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in 1889. You have a picture of Remus standing on the gallows. On the back of the picture are the words: “Remus Starr, horse thief, sent to Montana Territori- al Prison, 1885. Escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, con- victed and hanged 1889.” Not the best situation, right? But let’s revise things a bit. We crop the picture, scan in an en- larged image and edit it with processing software so that all that is seen is a head shot. Next we re-write the text. “Remus Starr was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to in- clude acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1885, he devoted several years of his life to service at a government facility, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the rail- road. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investi- gation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an im- portant civic function held in his honour when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed.” Then and Now... Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint Now: Getting a new hip joint Then: Passing the driving test Now: Passing the vision test Then: Long hair Now: Longing for hair Then: Moving to California because it’s cool Now: Moving to California because it’s warm Then: Killer weed Now: Weed killer Then: Acid rock Now: Acid reflux Exit Lines: « Awarm smile is the universal language of kind- ness. Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy. « Measure wealth not by the things you have, but by the things you have for which you would not take money. Pat's Playhouse Hand Made Scarves-Mitts-Socks-Hats Toys-Baby & Lap Quilts-Receiving Blankets Books & Mailboxes NEW! Ready-made or custom-made gift baskets, and a variety of local organic fruit jams are now available for the holiday season. Pat York, 113 Morrison Pt. Rd. 613.476.6929 Follow me at Pat's Playhouse on Facebook! ° Foot Care for Seniors Qualified Non-Diabetic Foot Care/Pedicure service for seniors and those who have trouble tending to foot care due to physical issues. Includes soaking, cutting, filing, ex- foliation, cuticle care and foot massage. Price $25. Call Linda at 613-476-2110