The South Marysburgh Mirror Druella Acantha Malvina's Column Gem for the month: Middle of the road politicians get hit by traffic from both directions. 7 His Mother's Cooking He sat there at the dinner table, with a discontented frown. The potatoes and steak were underdone. And the bread was baked too brown. The pie too sour, the pudding too sweet. And the roast was much too fat. The soup so greasy, too, and salty 'twas hardly fit for the cat. "I wish you could eat the bread and pies I've seen my mother make. They are something to like and 'twould do you good Just to look at a loaf of her cake." Said the smiling wife, "I'll improve with age. Just now I'm a beginner. But your mother has come to visit us And today she cooked the dinner." A businessman hired a new assistant to take phone calls. One day the phone rang and when the new assistant answered, he hung up immediately. "Who was that?" asked his boss. "Some fool saying it was a long distance from New York. I told him everyone knows that." A Few Signs of Aging You turn off the lights for economical not roman(cid:415)c The gleam in your eye is from the sun hi(cid:427)ng your You get all your exercise ac(cid:415)ng as pallbearer for your friends who exercised. The best part of the day is over when the alarm clock reasons. bifocals. rings. "Okay, but won't that be a bit hot, it bein' the sun?" "Don't be stupid, Donncha," says MacArthur, "the Donncha and MacArthur are preparing to be blasted into space and had just le(cid:332) the mission briefing when one turns to the other and asks, "Mac, where are you goin'?" "Well, the man in charge says we're goin' to the sun." man said we'd be goin' at night." Some neighbours gave a pumpkin pie as a holiday gi(cid:332) to grandparents that lived beside them. As lovely as the gesture was, it was clear from the first bite that the pie tasted bad. It was so inedible that the grandmother had to throw it out. Ever gracious and tac(cid:414)ul, she s(cid:415)ll felt obliged to send the neighbours a note. It read, "Thank you very much for the pumpkin pie. Something like that doesn't last very long at our house." Here are some more paraprosdokians to enjoy. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright un(cid:415)l you hear them speak. War does not determine who is right - only who is They begin the evening news with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice. Exit Line: A thief broke into my house last night. He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him. le(cid:332). Read The Mirror on-line and in colour at www.southmarysburghmirror.com www.minakersautoparts.ca