The South Marysburgh Mirror Druella Acantha Malvina's Column Gem for the month: A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still. 7 How dumb can we get? I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk no(cid:415)ced that I had never signed my name on the back. She informed me that she could not complete the transac(cid:415)on unless the card was signed. She said it was necessary to compare the two signatures to make sure they matched. So, I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the two signatures and as luck would have it, they matched. I went to the local taco joint and ordered a taco. I asked for minimal le(cid:425)uce on the order. The person at the counter said, "Sorry but I only have iceberg." Exit Lines: When a woman marries, she gives up the attention of several men for the inattention of one. The face that over cocktails seemed so sweet is less alluring over shredded wheat. There are only two things against which there is no adequate defense: a nuclear bomb and stupidity. to discourage the habit. Finally, "There's a condi(cid:415)on. I would like to have an Actual newspaper headlines: Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing. Two convicts evade noose, jury hung. Milk drinkers are turning to powder. Quarter of a million Chinese live on water. New Jersey judge to rule on nude beach. Dr. Ruth to talk about sex with newspaper editors. A boy had reached the age of four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb. His mother had tried everything in despera(cid:415)on, she told him, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon." Later, in the park, they saw a pregnant woman si(cid:427)ng on a bench. The boy said gravely to her, "Uh-oh, I know what you've been doing." A Texan walked into the office of a small Texas college and said, "I would like to donate a million dollars to this ins(cid:415)tu(cid:415)on." The president's eyes opened wide and he said, "That is a kindly no(cid:415)on, sir. We'll be pleased to accept it." honourary degree." arranged." "For my horse," added the Texan. The president was shocked but the Texan insisted. "Yes, for my mare, Betsy. She's carried me for many years and I owe her a lot. I would like her to receive a Tr.D., a Doctor of Transporta(cid:415)on." give you a million dollars." trustees." The board listened in various degrees of shock and disbelief, all except the oldest trustee who appeared to be asleep. The general opinion, "We can't give a degree to a horse no ma(cid:425)er how much money is involved." The oldest trustee opened his eyes and said, "Just take the money and give the horse her degree." a disgrace to us?" "Of course not," said the oldest trustee. "It would be an honour. It would be the first (cid:415)me we ever gave a degree to and ENTIRE horse." "But, we can't give an honourary degree to a horse." "I'm sorry to hear that because, in that case, I can't "Well, wait a minute. I will ask the board of The president asked, "Don't you think that would be "No problem," said the president. "That can be