The South Marysburgh Mirror Druella Acantha Malvina’s Column Gem for the Month— Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with. A different way of looking at things: e Arickety wharf, with its crooked legs stockinged in barnacles. Wind strangling the candles. Awkward as a stork on stilts. Dancing is moving sculpture. A face scribbled all over with wrinkles. A local minister went to visit a member of the community and invited him to come to church Sunday morning. It seems this man was a producer of fine peach brandy. He told the preacher that he would attend his church if the pastor would drink some of his brandy and admit doing so in front of his congregation. The preacher agreed and drank up. Sunday morning the man visited the church. The preacher recognized him and said, “I see Mr. Johnson is here with us this morning. | want to thank him publicly for his hospitality this week and especially for the peaches he gave me and the spirit in which they were given. Ht Outraged by the high charges that the computer service wanted for the repair work, one employee asked her co- worker which service she used. “My sons,” was the reply. “They both have degrees in Computer Sciences.” “So you get that kind of work done for nothing,” the friend marvelled. The co-worker smiled, “Actually, | figured it cost me about $140,000 for my kids to fix my computer for free.” Ht Illiterate? Write today for free help. Ht Preparing for a family vacation, a husband and wife ex- plains to their children that they would be sitting in the car for a long time. The kids were told they would not be arriving at their destination until after dark and were warned not to keep saying, “Are we there yet?” After a few minutes of peaceful driving, their five-year-old daughter perked up. “Is it dark yet?” Ht One day a man went to an auction to bid on a parrot. He kept getting outbid, so he bid higher, and higher, and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bird— the parrot was his, at last. As he was paying for the par- rot, he said to the auctioneer, “I sure hope this parrot can talk. | would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can’t talk.” “Don’t worry,” said the auctioneer. “He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?” HH An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man re- plies, “lam on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.” The office asks, “Really? Who is giving this lecture at this time of night?” The man replies, “That would be my wife.” Ht Sitting at a table in the clubhouse after a game, Joe said to a fellow club member, “I’m not about to play golf with Jim anymore. He cheats.” “Why do you say that?” “Well, he found his lost ball two feet from the green.” “That’s possible.” “Not when | had it in my pocket.” Ht Exit Line—My wife thinks | don’t respect her privacy enough. At least, that’s what it says in her diary. After the spring bulbs... fill in your garden! Lots of plants- Annuals Perennials Vegetables Herbs & Containers Open 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. 7 days a week ' 41955 County Road 17 Mitford ON 613-476-1118