The South Marysburgh Mirror September 2022 /9 Druella Acantha Malvina’s Column Vintage Druella: this column was originally published in September, 2013 Gem for the month: If the worst that can happened has happened, cheer up. It’s the worst that can happen. Scientists’ door: Gone Fission e Butcher's window: Let me meat your needs. Muffler Shop: No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming. Hotel: We need inn-experienced people. e Funeral Home: Drive carefully. We'll wait. # A farmer purchased an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields were grown over with weeds, the farmhouse was falling apart, and the fences were broken down. During his first day of work the town preacher stops by to bless the man’s work saying, “May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams.” A few months later, the preacher visits the farmer again. Lo and behold it’s a completely different place. The farmhouse is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition. There are all kinds of livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens. The fields are planted with prosperous crops. “Amazing!,” the preacher says. “Look what God and you have accomplished together.” “Yes, reverend,” says the farmer, “but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone.” e Abumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deer trac- tor. e Forgive your enemies: it messes up their heads. e It doesn’t take a very big person to carry a grudge. e Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer. e Live a good and honourable life, then when you are older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time. # A five-year-old and a four-year-old are upstairs in their bed- room. “You know what?,” says the five-year-old. “I think it’s about time we started swearing.” The four-year-old nods his head in approval. The five-year-old continues, “When we go downstairs to breakfast, I’m gonna say ‘hell’ and you say ‘ass’. Okay?” The four-year-old agrees with enthusiasm. The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the five-year-old what he wants for breakfast. “Aw hell, Mom, | guess |’ll have some Cheerios.” “| guess you'll have no TV, computers or video games for a week,” answers the mom. The boy runs upstairs crying his eyes out. The mom looks at the four-year-old and asks with a stern voice, “And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?” “| don’t know,” he blubbers, but you can bet your ass it won’t be Cherrios.” # Exit Lines: To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Roots and Wings St. Philip’s Anglican Church (Continued from page 8) ton Foodbank drive. We had a discussion with Seona at Picton United Church, where the foodbank is housed, on what the needs might be with school starting in September. We were told that juice boxes, fruit cups and any other healthy lunch box treats are needed, so please either make your donation directly to the foodbank, or bring your donation to St. Philip’s on Foodbank Sunday, which is September 25, 2022. You can always find up to date information about every- thing St. Philip’s is doing on our website at: www.stphilipschurch.ca. And we invite you to join us any Sunday for our service, it is at 11 am —all are welcome! Milford Fair Dog Show 1 p.m. West side of Shed Show off your dog for a chance to win a prize! Be sure to keep your dog ona leash and it must have a Rabies Tag. Check Fair Booklet or Website for Details: milfordfallfair.com