[12 |, The South Marysburgh Mirror Druella Acantha Malvina's Column Gem Of The Month - One of life's great mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain 5 pounds At aclearance sale, the wife of a federal dis- trict court judge found a green tie that was a perfect match for one of her husband's sports jackets. Soon after, while the husband was hearing a complicated cocaine conspiracy case, he noticed a small round disc sewn into the de- sign of the tie. The judge showed it to an FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a bug plant- ed by the conspiracy defendants. The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters in Wash- ington for analysis. Two weeks later, the judge phoned the Wash- ington office to learn the results of their tests. "We're not sure where the disc came from," the FBI told him, "but we discovered that when you press it, it plays Jingle Bells." I've heard it said that money talks, The very thought intrigues me... Mine never stops to have a chat So hastily it leaves me. Pat's Jams Jams Chutneys Relishes Diabetic jam also Gift Baskets available from $10 Ready-made or made to order Wedding favours Visit our jam house! 113 Morrison Point Road Phone 476-6929 Comments by doctors on their patients' charts: 1. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had disappeared completely. 2. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993. 3. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 4. Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities. 5. She is numb from the toes down. 6. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until they got a divorce. 7. She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. A farmer purchased an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to tur it into a thriving enterprise. The fields were grown over with weeds, the farm- house was falling apart and the fences were bro- ken down. During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man's work, saying, "May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!" A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it's a completely different place. The farm house is completely re- built and in excellent condition. There is plenty of livestock happily muching on feed in well-fenced pens and the fields are full of crops. "Amazing!", says the farmer, "but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone." A couple invited some people to dinner. At the ta- ble, the wife turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?” "| wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife an- swered. "Lord, why on earth did | invite all these people to dinner?"