me MILFORD We've had two weeks now of complete immersion in the Olympic Games. and it's been exciting watching the athletes compete. It's great to watch hockey on video tape and speed through the -- commercials. Curling 1s even better, 'cause you can speed through the interminable strategy conferences along with the first eight rocks. I wonder, though, who decides what's to be included in the Olympic Summer and Winter Games. | read that Tug O' War was an official Olympic event from 1900 until 1920, when it was dropped from the games because of contention from other sports.. Gee, I kind of think I'd like to watch Tug O' War. You'd have a bunch of Sumo wrestler type guys trying to haul a bunch of Russian weight lifter type guys through a big pool of mud. There really aren't very many events that permit the flesh-challenged to compete, and I could relate real well to an event of that sort. We have bed racing at the Milford Winter Carnival. Why shouldn't that be an Olympic sport? There's a ton of events that aren't included. and I don't know why. Bowling, golf, archery, triathlon, skeet shooting, carrying an egg long distances in a spoon, and frisbee to name a few. Surfing will be a demonstration sport in the summer Olympics in Sydney, Australia, and water skiing and inland fly casting, too. If they include ice-dancing (one couple danced to Elvis' Jailhouse Rock), can ballroom dancing to Chubby Checkers' the twist be far behind? Maybe the Olympics will be six months long. Last year the Intellectual Olympics were held in England, no doubt organized by some entrepreneur who was skilled at losing money. These featured games in which luck played a nonexistent, or at least very minor role, and the brain was the primary organ of exercise. These games featured chess, duplicate bridge, some kind of algebra, checkers (draughts I think they call it in England), and about a dozen other events. Games that required the throwing of dice, like backgammon or Monopoly were not included because of the luck inherent in such contests. This might be fun for the participants, but I find it hard to believe they'd draw a crowd. How could several thousand people watch in the utter silence of their teams would demand? Whispering to one A) Ve al Ps Vv, Ss ¢ <TR OLYMPICS? - Y, another, "Oh, what a marvelous ? move!" Maybe whispering wouldn't be allowed and the crowd would be limited to nudging one another. Instead of soccer riots. the crowd would have nudge fights. the -- ------__ English limited to whispering obscenities as the German bridge team put their team down three doubled. Yawn. I'd like to suggest that Milford be host to the "Bizarro Summer Games". We'd get a committee together to establish crowd pleasing events. The events included would have to incorporate the following basic criteria: 1) The crowd must be able to see the entire event. Unlike the marathon or the 20 KM cross-country ski race, where one can see only a glimpse of what's happening, these events must be totally visible from beginning to end. Tug O' War would fulfill these requirements, though it's pretty strenuous. 2) Physical fitness must not be a prerequisite. It's hard for us of advanced years and somewhat dubious physical skills to relate to the perfectly conditioned Continued on page 6 Wk cater ts small dinner parties in youn home on at the Cafe. Chate away the winter blahs, Give younsel] a treat Call us for details. 279A Main Street Bloomfield, Ontario KOK 1Go 613-393-1450 Winter Hours - Weds. - Sun. 11:00 am - 4:00 pm Closed Monday and Tuesday