IS MY FACE RED? I know we've all embarrassed ourselves at one point or another, but it seems to me I've humiliated yal bigger and better than most. Here's a few: In the past, I frequently commuted into Montreal from the suburbs of Kirkland and Pointe Claire on the train. Once, returning home and approaching my stop, I worked my way through the crowd until I was standing on the platform between the cars. By doing this, a person could jump off the train before it had reached a complete stop, and if your car was parked cleverly, exit the parking lot before all the other boobs cluttered up the procedure. I was standing between the cars with several other men of like inclination who I knew only by sight, as is the case when you share a commute day after day with strangers. I had secured the prime disembarkation position and was immensely gratified and proud of myself for doing so. It was raining, and I was carrying an umbrella, another feat of farsightedness that impressed me greatly. I find that's usually when misfortune hits....that moment when everything seems to be working perfectly and you're full of admiration of yourself. I looked at my fellow travelers with poorly disguised superiority and spun the umbrella on my arm, an act of super-coolness. But as it made it's circular route about my arm, the umbrella came free and flew out of the space between the cars. I could see bushes and poles flashing past, then suddenly the polished bamboo handle of my umbrella soared free and it was eaten up by the scenery. I caught a glimpse of my fellow passengers, smirking and rolling their eyes. I tried to act as though this was of no consequence, hoping they might suppose I had stumbled across an innovative way to dispose of unwanted items, but knew I was doomed. I had made 3 first class ass of myself again. I had recently been promoted to management at work, and a customer called to say that the Executive Committee of his U.S. parent was in town, and as we had a proposal for a major computer system for his company, the Committee would like to meet with a representative of our firm. As they were leaving the next day, they wanted to meet today. Well, the salesman was out somewhere (damn all salesmen), so I told them I would come over in a couple of hours. This gave me time to study our proposal, look at the correspondence, and review the executive structure. made a brief presentation and answered all the questions of the committee precisely and accurately. I mean, I did a hell of a job, and I knew it. Remember I opined that misfortune often hits at moments when you may be just a little full of yourself? Yeah, well, I said, "If there's no other questions gentlemen....", and strode manfully from the room, briefcase in hand. It's important to make a lasting impression, and vital that you leave on a high note. luxuriously paneled It was an oddly designed conference room. There was a step down into it, so it was almost like a furnished pit. In my perfectly timed and purposeful exit, I took that one step up, and slammed my head into the ceiling or the door jamb or something. I whacked myself so hard that the briefcase dropped from my hand as though it were lead, my glasses popped off, and I fell to my knees, stunned. The customers, of course, leaped to their feet and came to my aid. Blood trickled down from my hairline, and through glazed eyes I felt around for my glasses. I mumbled that I was fine, it was just a little tap. I was nearly dead, but couldn't admit it. I wobbled my way out of there as quickly as I could, passing secretaries who wondered if the Continued on page 10 Sao?" Tree Trimming & Removal Brush chipping Lot clearing (d 5 7 Firewood Hardwood & Softwood lumber - Glenn Guernsey 476-3757 a : X 7 =; gr A 4