South Bay United Church ¢ = Coming Events Wednesday May 26th - Anniversary Turkey Supper 4:30 pm. to 7:00 p.m . Saturday June 26th - Strawberry Social starting at 5:00 p.m . Wednesday August 11th - Fish Fry 4:30 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. Saturday November 20th Christmas Luncheon and Craft Sale 12:00 noon to 3:00 p- m. RRB On the Road Again - Continued from page 5 JE him driving home in his rusted Pinto, the chicken strapped to the roof, calling excitedly to his wife, "Honey! Honey! Come look! I have just the thing to turn our house into a home!" His wife, struck dumb by the object, missed her only chance to turn this great idea around. Of course, there were other lawn ornaments. Kissing Dutch People, Tweety and Sylvester Thingamajigs, Donkey and Wagon, The Portly Bending Over Gardener, The Greek Head, all manner of things. Another unique ornament was a huge TV dish, the kind © before the little satellite receivers were invented. It had S been cut in half, and painted with daisies. Maybe it was i half buried in the ground, not cut in half. Anyway, as a & work of art it should have decorated the local landfill. = I can say with confidence after several years of = lawn ornament surveys, that the black sithouette is the 2 next big thing. The Smoking Leaning Cowboy and The Howling Dog, for example. There's a moose silhouette = on the way to town outside Rico's Bunker that angers © me because it always momentarily startles me. 3 If you think the trite motel name has died, think = again. We saw, "The Shady Rest", "Grand View", and & "Great View". Incidentally, the Great View Motel % overlooks a field of hay. If you love hay, you've found "BG SS a eT 57 PHILIPS ANGLICAN CHURCH INVITES YOU TO CANOE BLACK RIVER MONDAY MAY 24, 2004 THE TRIP STARTS 11.00 a.m. at GUERNSEYS (Chapman Crescent) and ends at COLLEEN COTTAGE!" for Hot Dogs and Lemonade -- the right place. If not, the motel is tragically mis-named. Driving to Florida on the Interstate yields far less interesting trivia. It is necessary to leave the highway to see what's what and frankly, I don't want to get off the Interstate traveling through Baltimore and Washington because it would be way too scary. I wanted to stop in Pennsylvania, because as we crossed the Susquehanna River, a large building loomed called "PENNDOT". I assumed this was the Department of Transport of that state and I wanted to rush screaming into the lobby crying, "You Dimwits have the worst roads in the Continental United States! There will be an inquiry into how you have mismanaged highway funds! Heads will roll! And you have the worst mannered truckers, too!" Actually, the last fact is not quite true. The 401 truckers who drive the "Robert" rigs from Quebec are without doubt recruited exclusively from insane asylums. Finally, listening to the radio from some unidentified station in Maine, the announcer proclaimed that the community failure to get funding for a project "sure took the stuffing out of our sails". Well, mixed metaphors aside, a person can learn a lot by traveling. I will say no more, there's no sense in beating a dead chicken. - George Underhill