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Courtroomi Comedy 'ýIf yoti want seiisation and draina ook to the Old Baily But if yaou want human comedy, look to the littie local courts." Fity years have passed since a Iawyeir wrte those words, but they are just as true today. Especially were they true ini a London court the other day wehe-n a magistrate aslred a wife why her husband refusedç to attend to ainswr a charge. 'Because," she expiaiTed, "lie .Says ail you do heire is talk. And there is the case of the County Maya labourer who faund a novel way of paying a £5 fine for poaching. 'He ask- ed the nmagistrate if he could pay in gloods as he never had M'oney. The nmagisrtate, ag.reed; and kiext day the labourer deliveïýed t-wenty paached pheasants to the court as is f ine. One of the funniest court ïncidents accurred niany years *go. A motar cyclist' had been wimmonsed1 because bis motor- r3ycle combiation was too noisy ând disturbed the pence. Sa he ivheeled the canibination the tast few hundred yards ta the court, thpn asked the magis- trate îf he had heard himn ar- The magistrate sail he had net and disnrissed the charge; the nman left, but a minute later there came an infernal racket eutside. The magistrate yelled: "Bring -hat man bacJk!» But nobody *in)ved frain'the court. The eoise of the starting cycle was g4e deafenig that nabody eculd catch the magistrate's words! A few days Inter the niag- lstrate~ had occasion ta shout ain. A grocer appeared be- fOre bimn on black market~ eharges, and asked if he might whisper te the bencb on 'a very personal matter, The -iagistrate agre-ed, bent forward, and the grocer whis- pered inhi bs car.Then the ïaaglstrate's -f a c e- crrnsûned, *nd be yellcd: 4'No! l donIt want five pounds worth cf black market butter., Pay a t undred poum4s for trying te ib. theecourtiel A judge hI Chicago askcd a uWO-witted boodlum last year why hehê bd tolen haf a million in bonds. The hoodium Oheught a moment, then, "'Why, because I was hungry, îudge"e~ 1e 'sxiled, A Texas piother refused at ffoustan to pay hier doctor's bill %fter her son had hacl measies. Asked ta explaîn, she told the court, "'My son had MeasIes first %nd passed it toalal the kid in the. district. The doctor made a tortune out fa it. Sinice mny boy tarted it, 1 tbink the doc owes rine a few tbousand dollars by way af a commission."' AGENTS bis menf in Ct. ingl: re4d- .uched' re( 'fore" Ïei ore he struck' squarely amidships. Franti clut ching at eac h oth er, been borni in 1789, calmly ectsson ice cre<ci Fla.; first stop on his trip to'Cornll Just By WayOfBreakini A compIete story by JOHN JTOHNS Shie wsdciinitely worth aP w~histle. And Dick was ln mid- whistle wben bis legs gave up the unequal struggle agalnst gravity and he sat on the ice- drame rink so bard that c1asses bounced in the bar fi'ty feef away. Not thaft that worrîed hum un- luhy. In trie three wecks since he hadl begun to lcaril té skate be bad accepted the tact that ife's downs are more frequenit than its u-,Ps.Whaf re-allX Upset him, 1 couhd sce, was ber augb as she swept hiy on the arm ot a burly ice-hoekey player. 1 leaned over the ri*kslde bar- rier and pulcd hlm to h13.. 'riend"," Isaid, 4'keep yu mmnd on yiur work.", He stared after- her witb an expression wbcih in anyon0e cime wouhd Indicate acute Indgestion, but ln hls case B sismply wlstful- hiess. 4'A lovehy girl like that withi a moron lik. that," be groaned. "There's ne justice."1 'Is thaf; charitable?" I said. "H1e's prdbabiy kind te eilîdren ancd makes hanêsome contribu- tions to the ice-hockey phayers' benlevOlent league. Andi anyway - some fa -Y best friends are, moro11s." H-e iguored mie. Clutcbiug the. barrier, h. hobbled off the ice sund sat staring hunigrily as sbe circle'd the rik. "'i going to learn ta skate,"1 "I like you better aive," I said. "Corne and have a pint te reduce your blood pressure. There are as good f isb off the ir'e as on if." But he wauldn't move. There ho sat, watching ber for another hour, and th ere 1 sat with him, H. fboug) if)nc spc-n cvery day, 'Dou't bc, you're thii you're thinA at time. B, a figure fo veteran iE ,%ives' Lcap, "Oh, shuX mumbling !ne, to get It was the'ý toc ciszed< plut aloine, that 1 wase of hlmr for I'm a non-ý r.iftln'g by again and v enough. Nof for mnen migbr 1lay drago but he-six tain was there -was sort agei gmined to (once he wi teudency to abjects. A cçupIte iteti the rui 1 waa ofDic skates and common. "How's ï; as h. stagg collapsed irî th-iaulcrully "Affair, said bitter! ber uvhùn when she's a brace ai hockey pha: "Why d( etructor?" "4' ave session. H- sured.' Di I decided if; somehoý meet Sadie- 1 couldn't friencl pine "Look"ý over there rink, face ït you do you. Hie cockE you meanc 1 could bay ",Well, 'thi with your andi aim yc pose I gi-v glide gract bumnp agai stop to apc chosen wor lows as nig] orless." He thou "How do1 centre of t] pusb hme hM "You can you get thb get there u for a long, He besita Just the: sniiling at àweater be5 Dick gla bave I got, "Tbat's fh I J pouJrs. IMe he United States ni ot lhe Corneli who may have cane in Miomi., T~he Ice ht for a moment, "'But t ail one's spare time, praetising. ..' a mnutt," h said. "If nkin-g wbat 1 think ding, then it's a waste y the time yau Cani do ur, even, sbe'll b. a 'mber of the House- rup," b. snarled, and somtbing about hav- orne, b. ran for a bus. wrong one, but be wasc to notice. 1 had my reflecting -mourrnfully î't going ta sec mucb >quite a while. ML, skater. 1 don't ïmmd the rink now and F;atching, but enough's Dick, tbough. Otheir' tscahe mountains ûr ns for their beloved, ice the nearest maun- 200 miles away and a chronic dragon London-was deter- kate into ber heart, as able f6 conquer a skate into mare solid of weeks later I vis- àk again. Fond though :k, if was obvious that 1he badn't much in 1e affa.ir?ý" 1 asked,, ýered off t'he rink and to the seat beside me, unlacing his boots. my acbling foot," be îy "I can't get near she's on the ice, and off it there's always those barrel-chested yers round ber." on't you try anl in- He res-1gned ai ter one .e said he wasn't in- ick sighed miserably. there was nothing for w b. would have to -forcibly, if need be. tand by aud watçh a Saway.. 1 said, "of yotu were iu the. centre of the o face with ber, could r stuifP" d an 'eyebrow. "If ýou1d 1 make a date- 7e a darned good try' en, Suppose you stand back ta the barrier ýurseif at Sadie. Sup- eyou a sbove, You ifully towvards lier, ist ber ini passing. and rliigize. A few well- ids; and tlhc rcst fol- ht falkiws day. More ght for a momnent. [gef back from the rie rink? Atk ber ta re a wheelbarrow?" viorry about that once ere, And you wanýt rider your own steam 1oý tme..... n Sadie glided past, tail iul in a rcd ide ber. rd. "O.K. What to hase?" e stuif," I said. "Ml That happy state af au airs Slasted just ten seconids-.the time it took ber to recover framn the shock, flex ber right arm, and. give Dick a slap in the face that ecboed roun-d the icedrom-e.. Five iminutes later he walked -or rather I helped bimn-.-out af the- rink for the last time. Oddly enough, he seemed hap- pier than he had been for weeks. "1," he said, "have beeni an idiot. 1 can't think how on earth 1 fell flor that bad-tempered wench." He smiled broadly. "Corne on, let's have a pint ta celebrate my return ta dry land," I smiled, tao. For a moment, back there on the rink, 1 bad been afraid 1 hadn't pushed bard enaugh, From "Tît-Bits" HIow..Can I? his. Lawren e. Mont eaL. ARTICLES FOR SALk IT'S SE W-EASY Rëadly to assemble Infant gowns of fin- et flannelette materiail 3 ina aPackage complete with Instructos for only $1.98. Send Money Order whnaine and, addreas te OGILVIS LINE 0F ESSENTIALS Box 152, O'Coninor Station, Toronto 16, Ontarle. BABY CHICKS BRAY chili~s available now. Pullets, Broilers. And it's the pullets now that catch-th-e good Grade A Lal-ge niarkets in '57. Matcbing ~weekly. Order in ad- aceIf possible, but ask for list of chic s on ixand. Bray' Iatchery, 120 John .Hamilton, ST4.RTED chick bargains, two, three and four' week aid. Non sexed, pullets, cocicerels, irniniediate deivery, au pou. lar breeds. Aiso booking orclers flow for fall and winter dellvery. Speýcial egg breeds duai purpose bteeds, Broflers, first generation Indian RlIver crgss (Lancaster x NIchols. Ne,. 12 pullet) Arbor Acre white rock, Turkey poults. Broad breasted bronze, large -1-te A.0 . Smîth Broad white, Beltsville. Five to six weeks old heavy breed eockerels. Special priice while they 15st. Assorted breeds $1493 per bundred. Catalogue. TWEDDLE CHICK HATCHERIES LTD. FERGUS ONTARIO FOR SAL.E leOI SALE - ENTIE )BEEPF ERD - Cows and CaIves. Apply P'.O» Box 127 Brantford, Ontario. NEW guns and rifles at «'hoiesale prIces; write fer our -wholesale prices befrire buying. Trans-Canada Whole- aeie Coý,,Box 852, Ottawa, Ont. HEPWANTED OVERSEAS job opportunItics. Survty Ustti ail major compriea hiring; how and wbero to apply. Only $1. Satisfat- thon guaranteed. Rathe Rfesearch, Box 26131, 1,.i Angeles 26e Califoryna.' FROM MONTREAL ASCANIA,.Ocei. o, 4oV. 7 toLe Havre, Soutbasaptoý. IVERNIA .Oc:t. 12, Moy. 2 * tto Lverpoî j CaIlsot renocl Ncv. 24 toeo Huie, Southampton. CARINTWIA Oct. l9*'?4#v, 9, Nov. W te Uverpool. *calii et Greenock SCYTHIA . .. Oct. 24, Novi7 t e eavre, Souehompton, freai Quebec SAXONIA .-.Oct 26, No Y.16' t verpool accuI11ot Greenoc S.. yeur L«01 IAgent- N.o*ne con serve yov b.ff t Cernr By£Wetii1sto, Sts., Te>tto, Ont Tel. U&pig6 2$4eI PERSONAL $100 IRIAL offer. 1rwenty-flve 1eluxce Ceronal requirements. LateFt cata- logue inctucled Thie Medbco Agency, Box 22, Terminai "Q". Toronto Ont.- DEAFENED? 431< for fret bookiet and testîmoinlals tellig ho-x Leonard's Invisible Ear Drums have helped nany others or send $10 for cûrnp1eta kit. A. 0. LEONARD COMPANY, Dept. 4, Box 306, Station F., Toronto, 5. SW lNLM ÏF you want to himprove the Gradle of your hogs, buy a Landrace Boar. Cross w1th, any breed you have and yuwil note definite increase in the nurnbes- of Grade A bogs you sel. We are offer- Ing serviceable boasrs, guvarantieed in pi os our mnonth old soweçi and boars. elng sows and boars. Ail our fotindatlon stockL, inilorted, tromi the best Breeders lIn otad Cata- logue. P'ERGUS LANDRACE SWTNE P'AJt3t FERGUS ONTARIO WANTED W>.NTED le buy Hay ApplIy P.O, Box 127, Brantford, <>ntarlo. GOI.OMfNE CATAL9Q! SAVINGS t0 8 ! Empire Automsailc Electric Skilliet, advertised in L14e, *39.95, ehly $1 1.5.t95. 7M. .syl camp, bunting kife, 10 lmpleinejts'- ,095. Nemne Brând 4ppllances, house- wares,' toysý televlions, powier tbols, &port equipmit, garden supplies, Xeery, g1ftware, etc. Unihelltevable Saviengs! Make thils amazlng Catalog your departmnent store ! Save gai Timeo1 Trafftc, parking heada«ches Save Ifundreds - especially thi., Chrlst- mnail Baru btundreds o olla, eling to others? $1.00 refundable. CARCfON - xi 070 Nowpert Pnas.'aiona '3 CHRISTMAS SAILIUGS PEISONAUV fCOIDUCEUS IY EMENICIB UNRD AISSEN$IGEk UIIIÎITAI IVERN;A NV..-24-From Moafr'oI t l.-Ia, .Soufbaep!.n CARINTHIA DQ Se.i-Fr. Hi all t. Coth iiv,rPool ýD<a. 14-faiH.w York> N N N N 's 's N s s-' s N N N N N N