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____________________________________________________Orono Weekly TMmes, Wednesday, Januiary 3, 1996 - 9 by Arthur Black Sleep: the most moronic fraternity in the world, with the heaviest dues and crudest rituals., Vadimir Nabokov Personally, 1 think the Russian author protested too much. Nabokov, now enjoying that deepest of sleeps that cornes to, ail of us sooner of later, was a noto rious human dynamo who resented every momen t he spent away from a foun- tain pen. and a blank sheet of paper. Me, I love sleep. Which is just as well, con- sidering I devote nearly a third of my lite to it. Not everyone does. The playwright George Bernard Shaw laughed at man's dependence on regular shut- eye. He got by on five hours a night and it didn't seem to do hlm any harm. Shaw was still writing plays in his- nîneties. The inventor Thomnas Edison scoffed "most people overeat 100 percent and oversleep 100 percent." Edison may have been an engineering genius but he was no heil at math. Even lie couldn't survive on zero percent' sleep. But hie did make do with almost four hours a night, along with nurnerous catnaps. Albert Einstein, on the other hand usually ht the sack for ten hours a night - s0 there's no correlation between big brains and the amount of sleep needed. After ail, Ronald Reagan, a man neyer praised for his towering intellect, favoured two hours in the middle of the day. He was also known to nod off during stat' din- ners, White House enter- tainments and speeches that ran longer than fifteen min- utes. Lots of folks make the bedroom their centre of operations. Yoko Ono and John Lennon made head- lunes by holding a Peace Conference from their bed. Kng Louis XIV of France lad 413 beds and -made a point of holding court in bed while proppedup ofl eider- down pillows. ,The British novelist Barbara Cartland (Lady Di's granny) wrote -- well, dictated -- more that a hundred romance novels from the comfort of her four- poster. The eternal playboy Hughl lefner directs his entire Playboy empire in silk pamAs, rvrlininig (n hiîs Other folks develop cer- tain sleeping 'kinks'. Dr. Joyce Brothers carnies her own personal pillow when- ever she's on the road. The British novelist Charles Dickens did a lot of travel- ling in Europe and North America. ANd everywhere he slept he insisted that the fumnishings be arranged s0 that the lead'of his bed faced north. The famous tenor Luciano Pavarotti refuses to sleep on anything srnaller than a king-size bed. King Tut was even more demfanding. His bed was of ebony and gold. Impressive, but for a good night's sleep I think I'd pre- fer a camp cot. It's an amazing phie- nomenon, sleep. Horses can do it standing up. Sorne birds do it on the wing. Scientists dlaim that armadillos, opossums, and sloths spend as much as 80 percent of their lives asleep, while the Dall's Porpoise -- as near as anyone can figure -- neyer sleeps at ail. Hurnans don't even corne close. A scientist with the National Institute of Mental Health reckons a person can- stay awake for no longer than twelve days without suffening permanent' dam- age'. Although legend has it that a Cuban, one Tomas Izquierdo, aged 53, lasn't slept a wink since hie was eleven years old. Emphasis however, is on the 'legend'. Experts note that Senor Izquîerdo 'rests' a lot. They theorize that lie is powering along on dozens of mini- naps that are so subtie even he isn't aware he's nodding off. Me, I wouldn't trade places with Tomas Izquierdo for any number of column indhes in the Guinness Book of Records. 1 love my sack timie and 1I wouldn't volun- tarily suirrender a nanosec- ond of it. Wlen it cornes to sleep and how much we need, 'm witl Max Kauffman who wrote: -What is the amount of sleep required by the aver- age person? About five min- Utes." "More." REIAXCORNERSTONE realty Mt. realtor q77/infçng ofJsef(îrnj?' 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