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m 8- Orono Weekly Tim-es, Wednesday, June 19, 1996m Arthur Black Here's a fashion note you might want to file away for future reference: a company in New York is about to mar- ket Ugly Undies. They're not calling them that, of course. The officiai name is the Whistle-Stopper suit. It's a lightweight foam undergarment for women and it's designed to be womn under regular clothing. A woman wearing Whistle-Stoppers will appear to have a pot belly, a flabby keister and matching thunder thighs. According to a spokesman for the manufacturer, -Shapely, attractive women who are tired of being harassed on the streets and on public transportation can wear the Whistle-Stopper suit to avoid stares, wolf whistles and sexist comments. We expect a high demand for it, especially in the big cities." Weil, I'm no fashion prog- nosticator but 1 have a pre- diction for the manufacturers of the Whistle-Stopper suit: Don't hold your breath. 1 predict instant oblivion for the Whistle-Stopper suit. It is destined for the manu- facturers graveyard, fated,.to occupy a plot between New Coke and the Edsel. Diehard feminists might hail the Whistle-Stopper suit, as a brave step forward in the War against Sexual Harassment - they might even buy themselves a cou- ple of pairs. But they'll be the only ones who do. Women (and men too, for that matter) are simply not interested in looking any dumpier or unattractive than they have to. It flues against human nature - hell, it flues against nature, period. The name of the biological game - no matter what the species - is attraction. Flowers smell the way they smell because that's what attracts the bees, which distributes the pollen, which makes lots of new littie flowers. Roosters strut and stallions snort; men wear after-shave and woman dab on Chanel Number Nine. If attraction wasn't paramount ail peacocks -would wear canimo jackets. Ironically, the news story about Whistle-Stopper-suits appeared in my newspaper right beside another report saying that actress.Jamie Lee Curtis had just taken out a million dollar insurance poli- cy wi th Lloyd 's of London. For her legs. That's not a first, either. did the same thing to safe- guard her twin treasures. And a while back, an actress by the name of Julie Bishop took out a $25,000 seven-year policy against gaining four inches around her hips or waist. It's a safe bet that you would neyer catch Julie or Jayne or Betty or Jamie Lee snugging themselvesinto a pair of Whistle- Stoppers. The American poet Eric Jong once wrote the shortest of alI poems on the human condition. It goes: Men and women; women and men It will neyer work. Perhaps not- but that doesn't mean we'Il ever stop trying. That's what makes the world go 'round.. Science fiction writer Ray Bradbury said it even better: "There are two races of people - men and women - no matter what women's lib- bers would have you pretend. The maie is motivated by toys and science because men are bomn with no purpose in the universe except to procreate. There is lots of time to kill beyond that. Women, howev- er, are born with a centre. They can create the universe, mother it, teach it, nurture it. Men read science fiction to build the future. Women don't need to read it. They are the future." Amen, Mister B. 1 wonder if Ray Bradbury wears boxers or jockeys? Junê 17 The first kid-riey transplant was perforrned; 1950. John Diefenbaker becomes the first Consërvative Prime Minister in 22 years, 1957. Five men wére arrested for breaking into the executive quarters of the Democratic National Committee at the Watergate Hôtel Complex, 1972. The NBA and ABA basket- bail leagues miïrge, 1976. Jund 18 American acçtress Ethel Barrymore diese 1959. Sally Ride, first American woman in spaCe- 1982. June 19 King George orders princes to drop Germafi titles, British Royal Family changes its name to the House of Windsor. 1917., Womnen over 30 in Britain receive voting rights, 1917. Valentine Tereshkova becomes first woman in space, 1963. June 20 Muhammad Ali sentenced to 5 years in j ail, fined $10,000 for evading the draft, 1967. June 21 French exsistentialist Jean Paul Sartre bom, 1905. Illness requires Lou Gehrig to retire from baseball, 1939. .Americans win battle of Okinawa, bloodiest land bat- tle of Pacific war, 1945. June 22 Zeppelin Deutschland becomes first aircraft to transport passengers, 19 10. Canada gains further autonomy from Britain, requiring military and eco- nomic action to be ratified by Canadian Parliament, 1926. Nazi party becomes Germany's only political party, 1933. Joe Louis wins hieavy- weight boxing title, 1937. France signs armistice with Germany, 1940. American actress Meryl Streep bomn, 1949. David 0. Selznick, American movie producer, dies, 1965. Judy Garland, American actress who portrayed Dorothy in Wizard of Oz, com- maits suicide, 1969. Prince William, first born son of Prince Charles and Lady Diana, was bomn, 1982. Fred Astaire, American actor and dancer, dies, 1987. June 23 King George V crowned in Westminister Abbey, 1911. Niagara Falls bridge collaps- es, killing 47, 1912. Air India flight from Toronto to Bombay, explodes in flight, crashing off coast of lreland, killing 329. 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