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OC7rono Weekly Timnes, Wednesday, December 18, I1996 - 21 Yu Arthur Black Yuknow what's the bîggest heartbreak of middle agïe? It's the realization that you are probably flot going to0 be a Human Phenomnenon after ail. Mien 1 was a kid, 1 took it for- granted that 1 was going- to becomie eitberi *the top g5oal s-oreyi in the history of the NHL, or ste fi s human being,ý to " the folk singei(r who put Bob Dylan out to pasture, or " the first Canadian to win the Nobel Prize for Lterature AND Peace, or *Elizabeth Taylor's eigh1 nteentb (and final) busband. WeIl, 'm 53 years old and stili waitingý for thec cali from the Toronto Maple Leafs. NASA, Sweden, Hollyw-,ood, and /or Liz' prnvate secretary. Doesn't look like it's going to happen, uinless... - Unîess 1 decide to make miy namne in less traveled a-eas of humnan endeavour. 1 could, for instance, become the grape catching champion of the world. Ail Id have to do is beat out Paul J. Tavilla of East Boston. He's the current grape catching champion, having snagged a graçpe thrown 327 f ,eet, 6 inches back in 1991. What makes Mister Tavilla's achievemnent especially memo- rable is the fact that he caught the grape in bis mouth. Oh, well .. .1 could always go for the world milk crate balanc- ing, record. Ini 1994, Terry Cole of Waltbamnstow, EnglIand immn aged to balance, 29 milk crates on bis chin. one thingi 'm gÉoing' to do for sure beforeIo setting any new records - inm oing to f'ind out whtAsbrita Furmian is uip to this montb. Fur-manl is an amri- able imaniac who works in a health food sqore in Jamnaica, New York - Mien be's not out setting world reccords sone- where. He bas made it into tbe Guinness Worîd Booký of Records a (record breaking) eight tinies. Aniong- other accomplishmnents, Furman iiiis the world champion pogo-stick- er, milk bottie balancer, brick- carrier, long distance sorner- saulter, bop scotcher and Yes, joggler. Joggling, is where you juggle halls while jogging at tbe saine timie. In 1988, Fuirmian ran a reguflution marathon (26 miles, 385 yards) juggiling tbree balîs ail the way. And just to nmake sure, it wasn't a fluke, Furmian went out tbe next year and joggled for 8 bours, 52 minutes and 7 consecutive seconds, covering 50 miles in the process. Pogo stick jumping? Fiurman set a distanice record of just under 15 miles ini 1991.,tin 1993 lie walked 70.61 miles balancinig a miilk bottie on bis bead. It only took hirm a little under 19 houirs to do it. tin 1994, Furmiiani's attenitioni turnied t o basketball. Specifically, the act of dribbling. That was flie year ble driblefd a basketball a distanice of 83 miles in 24 biours. . It's clear that Ashirita Fuirmran is a f'ormnidable ipd iiiment to my bid for offbeat iimmortality, buiit threre plen- ty of flelds lhe ha-sn'tyet con) ciuere-d. How, for inistanice, abouit the WVorld Cherry -VPit Spittîng, Record? Tbe titIe is ine as soon as I beat out Hor-st Orttmiani of Germiany . Horst borked a pit 85 feet, five anid a hiaif inches. Pitoueyv! I coldC spit a cherryv pit that farw staniding orn my bands. WVhicb wouild be better tharî walking ;on cniy biinids. I don't wanit to miess wîth Auistriani Jobann Hurlinger's irecord. Back ini 1900, Hurlinger waîked ail the way from Viennia to Paris. On] bis banids. Ahl, buit myail-time favourite World Class Weir-dness Achiever has to be a man witb thei World Class Weird Naine of Plenni ie L. Winglo. Back in 1932, tis, Texani- waîked from Sanita Monica, California across North Amer-ica, and Europe, ail the way to Istanbul, Turkey -anid be wore rear view irrors al tbe way. MWhicb isni't as inutty as il sounds. Wingo nieeded the mnirrors becauise bie walked the 'wblole route backWards. What's really ironie is that DURA BUILDING SYSTEMS - Great prices on quality, Canadian-made pre-engineered steel buildings. 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So he returned to the U.S., got a litft to Califonia, and then walked backvrards ail the way to bis homietown in Texas. 1 tell ya,fos..ters enioughï bizarre talent out there to make a guy niervous. I thinik1l'Il -goV lie down witb a dlamp washicI lt over myv fore- becad. And wait for the Maple Leafs scout to cail. makeain IMPACT on your health Feature Home ýL7àËLýjof the Week 22 Years Eprec RESIDENTIAL; VACANT LAND; FARMS COUNTRY PROPERTIES 1 arn Committed To Serving Ai] Youri Real Estate Needs! "Wrig364 D)ays A Year" W. FRANK REAL ESTATE LTMTTED 234 King St. E., Bowmianville Off. 905-623-3393 Res. 905-983-5914 SEASON'S GREETING3 i7n uzn OL rono /Air gour unek. £ootuwj / ArwarJ Io worLùij wtk , o" ul» i/e flew year. Krystyna Jones Realty-Net