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je venders wiII be among the attract ions at Downtown Bowmanville's Maple On Saturday, May 3, 1997, between 9 a.m. and 4 p.m., Downtown Bowmanville will host its annual Maple Festival and Antique Show. This event takes place in the centre of the historie downtown on Temperance Street North and South, and admission is free. This great famlly event, which is held annually each spring, includes the opportu- nity to enjoy sucli unique Canadian fare as freshly made flap-jacks served with 'REAL maple syrup and cof- fee in a "lumberjack" kçitchen (tent), with live entertain- ment, including Dixieland music played by the Arthur Black Thank heavens for the Fortean Times -- I thouglit perhaps it was Just me. The Fortean Timtes is a British journal that tracks weird happenings and unex- plalned phenomena around the globe. And the latest issue of the Fortean Timtes claims the world becatue weirder last year. Two point ninie percent weirder, to be precise. The journal bas published an Index of Weirdness which is divided into four sections: Animal, Human, Natural and Paranormal. After careful analysis, Forteo.n Times edi- tors have armounced that last years wetrd stories, including bloodthirsty goatsuckers and fossil bacteria on meteorites, have catapulted the planiet onto a whole new plateau of The Bizarre. Bloodthirsty goatsuckers? You missed that story? The Puerto Rican press lias reported goat corpses that "Eksentrik Dixieland" band. Enjoy a funnel cake dusted with powdered sugar or local maple syrup. Also included is a live demonstration of mnaple sugar-maklng by Jim Moore, a local mnaple syrup producer, in co-operation with the Tyrone Mill, including the opportunity to purchase maple sugar products, as well as maple flavoured donuts, cooked hot, on the spot. The Bowmanville Museum will bc on hand with a dis- play of local artifacts, joining Bill Humber, whose book "Bowrnanville - A Small Town at the Edge", wiJll be released have been found with the blood -- and even the livers - - sucked riglit out of them via a pair of Dracula - like inci- sions in the neck. Nobody knows if the vampire culprit is winged, four-legged or favours a walking stick and a cape, but report of Ifris/Her/Its handlwork arçt showing up in Colomnbia, Brazili, Miami and the soulli of Spain. Pretty weird alright. The other story -- the one about fossil bacteria being found on ai 1 6-million-year-old mete- otite will be even weirder if it tumns out to be true. t would confirm a century of Sci Fi speculation about the possi- bility of life on other planiets. Alas, these scientists are squ-abbling over the veracity of the specimens, 50 the jury for sale in late April. A large number of antique vendors wlll be displaying and selling antiques, and local churcli groups will be selling home-made baked goods. Other features include the opportunity to visit in a downtown whlch bas restored heritage buildings dating back to pre-Confederation days, in which there are cur- rently, rnany interesting and unique stores and business- es. This event is~ co-ventured in co-operation with The Canadian Statesman Community Newspaper. is SUR iout. How does the Fortean Tnmes explain the upshot'in weirdness? They say it's due to PMT. That's Pre-Millennial Tension -- the anxiety that subconsciously infects us al as we lurch toward the year 2,000. "PMT is gripping peo- ple" says a spokesman for the FPortean Tirnes. "People get worried near the end of a cen- tury, with millennium cults predictlng the end of the world. And that could explain why there is so mucli interest in the paranormal." Well, maybe. And maybe the editors of the Fortean Timtes are affected too. Because 1 read the whole issue and didn't find a single mention of some of my favourite weird stories from last year. Where for instance, is the story on the Indestructible Cake? How about the greatest golf feat of all time which came out of Korea last year? The cake story originated in the U.S., where last year, researchers at the Anny Soldiers System Command man aged to create a pound cake suitable for soldiers in the field. This cake can sur- vive a faîl from an airpiane and temperatures that range Ian Andrews received the Humber College Students' Association Award donated by Humber College Students' Association at the Humber College Award Night ceremo- from 120 degrees Fahrenheit to minus 60 degrees Fahirenheit. Oh yes, and it has a sheif life of five .... years. That's pretty scary too. As for the golf story, we owe that to the officiali news agency of North Korea. Perhaps that should read 'official public relations agen- cy' of North Korea. All I know is last year the Northi Korean press reported that "Dear Leader" Kim Jong Il played bis first gante of golf in aston- ishing style, scoring five holes-in-one and beating the world record for a single round of golf by 25 strokes. Since we're in the realm of comic relief, let me report another weird happening the Fortean Timtes appears to have missed -- the rlsing inci- dence of Comedian Abuse. Last November, AI Romero a comedian in Lancaster, Pa., was cracking wise about hicks from Arkansas when a customer by the name of Judy Strougli (of Arkansas) walkéd up on the stage and slugged hlm. Two weeks earlier, come- dian Timothy Ward filed a lawsuit in New York City against Prince Rainier of Monaco who, Ward says, backhanded him during >a ny in recognition of the higli- est marks in field instruction in the landscape option of the Landscape Technology pro- gram. 1995 show in whlchlie made fun of the Prlnce's eroding hairline. Flrst Puerto Rcan goats. ... then comedians. . .is nothing sacred? By the way, if you're read- ing this, Judy or Prince. Just kidding, eh? 'Caior Fax Us at 983-5301 Your News, Sports or Club Events FUNERAL SERVICES PRE-ARRANGED AND PREPAID <l/?/iE fosin[iutt ximotn Funeral Directors Paul R. Morris Robert E. Williams Gary M. Conway Doug R. Rutherford ANSWERING YOUR CALL 24 HOURS 623-5480 4 Division St. Bdwmanville