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1. , ýi j ( OnoWeekid ime, Wedn-,lesdlay, may 2 .1,q997 -5 1400 Ibs. of pennies for Manitoba >Ione weeks worth of col- Iecting pennies raised 1400 lbs. of copper. Students at Newcastle Public School have been bringing pennies to school to help the Manitoba flood -victims. Pctured with the collection of pennies are: Jim Sheppard, .Melliss a McDonald and Danielle. Brown. Al three are grade. six students at Newcastle Public School. UNIT I U.c.w., NEWS Inez Harris, Rýuth Grady and Annie Fisher led the meeting of Unit 1, U.C.W. on Wednesday, JuÙe14. The rol c al1 was memorles of your mother. The devotiaflal explored the two faces of motherhood experienced bY Mary, the mother of jesi45. She knew the jopy of holdfr'g and caring foran infant, but she also knew the, pain of witnessing bis suffering as an adult. The executiv@ hopes to see many memibers in attendance at the u.c.w . church, service an May 25th. TfbAs year is the 35th aiýnnver-3arY of the -U.C.W. organipation~. Lunch will follow the <,ervice. Everyone sinte to the stewards' Fasiaon Show an May 30th. Cane, at 7 p.m. ta enjoy music and desserts. At 7:30 madels wfll present fash- ions tram. Monica Rase, Bowmanvijle. Tickets are- available at $5-00 by calling, 983-.5059. maybe you'll, win- a door prize. On May 31,sithereitýdll be a yard s ale, car wNash and bake sale at Orano Ujnited Churcli in suppart of vacation Bible School. The U.C_.W. donated ta the Manitoba Flood Relief Funid. Mvemorial donations, to the Bowmanville Museum The Bowmanvllle Museum lias been promotlng the Clarington community for thirty six years, and It was recently brouglit to ouratten- tion that local residents may wish to make a memorial donation in remembrance of a loved gne. These donations will help the Museum to con- tinue with its meaniingful pro- grammes and activities. Special donation cards have been placed at both the Northcutt Elliott Funeral Home and the Morris Funeral Cliapel. They are kept on file and those wishing to make a donation only need to request the Museum Donation Card. Donations, made in memory of a loved one, will be recag- nized through a special brass plaque, whlch will be dis- played in the Museum. We feel the Museum, with its varlous educational pro- grammes. instills local inter- est and pri de li our commu- nlty: but we need your support to continue this mis- sion. A Memorial Donation is one of many ways to support your local museum. NEWCASTLE FUNERAL HOME 'FuneratrDirector - Carf Good - Personal,, affordableservice, with 25 years experience to meet each famiys needs, including cremnation and memorial options. - Warm, inviting vsiting rooms, ample on-site parking, separate smoking/nion smhoing lounges, and post-funIeral reception facilities. 386 Mill Street South,, Newcastle (lust rwrtli of 401 - parkng off 9<pert-strea) (905) 987-3964, ) Arthur Black Golf a sport for liars, drinkers and cursers who like ta walk two or three miles belabouring an abject i /45th their size with a loaded cane- Anon When it comes to the 'sport' of golf, 1 want to play in Anon's foursome. Golfs a gaine that can't make up Its mind. As somneone else once said, if you want to go for a long walk, go for a long walk. If you want to beat smiall objects with a stick, then beat small objects vith a stick, but li the namie a camon decency, don't combine them. Especially not on television. Particularly when most of the principalls wear plaid slacks. Golf is perversity personi- fled.> Agamne where the abject is ta get the lowest score pos- sible. A game in which the, only trophy yau get to take home is a wrinkled score card. A game in which flags are called 'pins', duckponds are called %water hazards' and people yell "Fore!" when the mean "Look out!"-1 -Why, golf is s0 twisted you Cerit eveni cheat properly! Golf involves caddies - - sullen ids yau have ta actually -paY to follow you around alI day. You came across your ball lying in the raugh. say, eght ar ten feet from the green. Naturally, you're inclined ta maybe nudge it a littie with the toe of your golf shoe -- but nooooooooooo! Your rotten, caddy's right there, watching every, move you make. Well, I'm happy ta report that the folks in charge of the River Valley Golf and Country Club in St. Mary's, Ontario have at least taken care of that particular cnayance. Sign up to play a round 7at River Valley and tliey'll give you a caddy airiglit -- but it wan't be saine wise-cracking kid tating yaur bag. It'll be a llama. Yep, Ilama -- yau knaw those South American critters abaut the size of a smnall liorse? They kinda look lîke a sports model of a camel? The River Valley Golf and Country Club bas faur of thein on the caddy payroll this year. Wliat's goad about Ilama caddies? Well, they're strong as all getout. "A llama can easily carry two golf bags" says a club spakesman, "and they love ta walk." What's mare Ilamas are naturally toi- let trained -- they dan't go' until they find their own self- designated 'litter box'. Wbich means no unexpected Ilama- doo hazards onthe fairwaYs. Trhere are other advantages to Ilama caddies. They don't know fram beans about golf, s0 they can't criticize your swing or tell yau whiÉch iron ta use. Tipping Ilamas is a breeze -- just give 'em a hand- ful of grass and they'll be happier than pigs in, um, a poke. And when it comes to dis- cretion, IlamLls are better than Engish butlers. These guys are the ultimate in the strong and sileçit departinent.- Sa if you do have ta 'Correct'" the lie of your baîl or knack a couple a strokes off your round, well.... Who's yourIliama ganna tell? Besides, llamnas can't even count.* Llamas as caddies -- a great idea! Golfers need neyer again face the most dreaded terror in the entire world of golf. Caddy Humiliation. Happened tfa my pal Wally just last year. Waliy s an avid golfer, but not a good one. It's his temper. Hé loses it almost as often as he !ases golfballs. And wlien Wally loses his temper lie likèb ta taRe it aut an other thinïgs. Lîke trees. Golf tees. And caddies. He was liaving a terrible round -- and wliat made t warse was bis caddy. He wasn't saying a word, but Wally was convinced the caddy was chuckling up bis sleeve every time Wally bent over the balý. Finally lie cauldn't takc it any mare. Wally m1-issed a putt, threw bis putter in tmie trees turned an bis caddy and sqcreamedý -And YOU! ya-i'Ve gatta be the worst caddy @j the history of golp." Anid the caddy looked at Wally. scratched bis nase and said "Nninnaw. That would be toa much of a coincidence." fWgF Wouldn't il maRe Cl,an i.iiHeitage Part«o d s n e. To make non-violent criminals pay back their victims (and the legal costs Of their case) instea d of adding their roomn and board, and the support of their families, to the costs their victims rnûst bear? And since two-thirds of prison spaces are occupied by non-violent offenders, once ttiey're working to pay restitution to their victims,,wouldn't it aiso make sense to keep violent and sexual ofenders--and drug and pornography peddlers off the streets to make our neighbourhoods safer? The CHP says our Criminal Justice Systemn should stand on two pillars: restitution instead of incarceration for non-violent offenders and protecting the public from criminals who are really dangerous to our families. That's the kind of common sense Canadians understand--and want to see more often from their government. This kind of creative vision is wbry... On June 2nd, your best choice in Durham is... DURKBRUiN SUIA Tel. (905) 263-2670 - Fax (905) 263--9948 Authorized by Janice Monster, Officiai Agent for Durk Bruinsma- ...... ....