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Orono WeeklyTlmes~ Wednesday, Septcmber 3. 1997 - il The quality of your life is a reflection of your ability to connect with yourself and other people. PRIMARY REPRESENTA- TIONAL SYSTEMS Fred and Sandra had a blazing argument at break- fast. He said be wants a yel- low convertible BMW. He's doing it for ber. "Can't you just picture us in it, blazing up to the golf club?" No, Sandra can't. She called hlm a workaholic. Tbat night on bis way home from work Fred passes by a flower sbop and picks up two dozen yellow roses. He arrives bome witb a bopeful grin and wbîps the flowers out from behind bis back. -Wbat are those for?" Sandra says. 'To sbow bow mucb I love you." He beams. "Flowers don't tell me any- ,tbing," she snaps. Fred is crusbed. The problem: Fred repre- sents tbe world to bimself tbrough what he sees. Fred is visual. Sandra represents the world to berseif tbrough sound, she is auditory. Bridget decides to treat herseif on ber 65thbibrtbday. She bas resolved to go on an aU-inclusive holiday to Portugal, alone; on the prowl. Sbe visits Sidney, tbe, travel agent in tbe mail. I just feel I want to get away and pamper myseif, sbe tells Sidney. "Well, feast your eyes on this." He proffers the brochure with the usual palm trees and blue sies. "Looks great eh?" Bridget shrugs. The problem: Bridget rep- resents the world to berseif tbrougb ber feelings, she is kinesthetic. Sidney is visu ai. We represent the world to ourselves in three ways- by wbat we see, by wbat we hear and by wbat we feel. Ail three are presenit in every person but one of these senses dom- inates, it overrules the rest. Wben you can discover the primary representational sys- temn of the people you meet, you bave a terrific insight into motivating and establishing rapport with them. IN 5 -4i OTING by Nick Bootman) 60% of the population is primarily visual, 20% audito- ry and 20% kinestbetic. Visuals think quickly, before the pictures in their head dis- appear: tbey use their bands wben tbey talk. Auditories treasure sound and are a lit- tde slower, be kind to their ears. Kinestbetics take even more time to put their feel- ings- into words, but, be patient, it's wortb the wait for their intuitive insigbtful words. Eacb of these three groups bas particular physical char- acteristics, including distinct eye movements, and uses dif- ferent words to express tbeir feelings. In order to create instant rapport, you must figure out whîcb systein you are deal- img witb and respond using the saine systemn. It's like tun- ing into the samne frequency, communicating on the samne channel. Sandra needs sound. She said, "Flowers don't tell me anytbing." Try again Fred - this trne witb a, soft, pleasant voice and using some auditory-type words. 'mr sorry, Sandra, I bear wbat you're saying. Let's put some barmony back in this bouse, let's talk it tbrougb, how does that sound to you? .oh, and by tbe w-ay tbat BMW just purrs like a kitten with a cream-puif." And bow sbould Sandra respond to Fred? "I see wbat you're saying now Freddy- poob, it's ahl so clear!" Back at the mail, Bridget feels she wants to pamper herself. "Feel" and "pamper" are kinestbetic vocabulary. What counts most-to Bridget is how things feel. Sbe gave that dlue away. So try it again, Sidney: "Bridget, I bave just tbe place for y ou. The sand is warm and. soft and the feeling of the waves as they break around you ...and comfortable cool beds ..." Bridget is booked. 1The key is' to detect the other person's primary repre- sentational system and con- nect on the saine charnel. TIs is one of the many-tools for establisbing instant rap- port, wltb your partner, your cbildren, your boss, your client, your students .... even your BMW dealer. I neyer write metropolisfor seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I neyer write policeman because I can 'get the sameernoney for cop. Mark Twain. The author of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and Hucklebernj FUir was a very funny man, but be was no cbucklehead - especially wben it camne to the business of writing. He knew that words were the currency and c oinage of bis craft. He also knew that bigger didn't, nec- essarily mean better. But mostly wbat Mark Twain did was carry on a life- long love affair witb words. You pretty well bave to, if you want to be a writer. It comes witb the territory. Not that you bave to be a writer to love words, I know a pflumber wbo does the cryptic cross- word in the New York Ti mes eveiy day. And I now a fariner who reads Homer in the orig- inal Greek, Lots of people love words. In fact, a cbap by the name of Vick Knigbt, Jrn, bas just publisbed a book called My Word whicb. is devoted to the favourite words of famnous people. Ronald Reagan claimed bis favourite word was 'home', For Billy Grahamn, it's 'deci- sion', Lucille Bahl voted the word 'beauty' as tbe most. .,well, beautiful word in tbe language. For writer Erna Bombeck it was yes'. -Some of the people Knigbt quenied followed the lead of Mark Twain (see above). Wbicb is to' say that tbey reacted with a certain stingi- ness. Playwrigbt Ira Levin sent a telegrain that read "Sorry, I'm in the middle of a play and need every word I've got." Science fiction writer Isaac Asimov wrote a reply in longhand. It read: 1I tbougbt about your requ est and I real- ly don't bave a favourite word and even if I make one up, it will mean gettlng a picture to you, and making up some soppy paragrapb or other, and-- well, I j ust don't want .It's a tougber question than it appears on the sur- face. Wbat would you pick as your favourite word? The Englisb language is festooned (tbere's one of my favourites) with bundreds of potential delegates. Someone once asked William Espy for a list of bis favourite words. The famous wordsmitb replied with: meandering- mellifluous - wisteria Shenandoah- mur- muring ... and gonorrhea Again, words don't have to be lengtby to be splendid. Hush is a wonderful word. So is mist. And dawn. Many good words bave alas, been lost., Back in tbe l6tb century, a pretty young woman was called a bellibone or a poplolly. And someone wbo was down in the dumps was said to be suffering a bad case of mubblefubbles. I'd be hard-pressed to say what my favourite word Is. Ugly words are plentiful enougb. Vctual is an ugly word. So is saxophone. And phlegmatic. Ugly is easy -- but most beautiful? Maybe l'Il go, with Dorothy Parker. Someone once asked the New York wit what she thought the most beautiful phrase in the English ian- gua ge was. Ms. Parker smiled and murmured: "Che que enclosed". 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