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S Ômn~ XWekLy Tlme~, Wedne~day. Deceinber 24, 1997 Newcastle ACW present gift to Memorial Hospital The ACW (Anglican Church Women) of the St. George's Anglican Church in Newcastle donated $1,750 to the Continuing Care Unit of the Memorial Hospital Bowmanville. A Tympanic Thermometer and a refrigera- tor for the O.R. will be financed through this dona- tion. The majority of the money donated was raised in this year's Christmas bazaar. Pictured from left to right are, Carol Selby Reed - Foundation Board Member, Robin Ibbotson-Rickard - Clinical Leader holding ther- mometer, Margaret Tait - ACW president, Joan Haring - ACW Secretary and Patrician Down - Program Director Surgical Care Team. Arthur Black Sometimes I worry about the readers of this column. Take Alex Murdoch of Fredericton, New Brunswick. Last week, Alex mailed me a...brochure, I guess we'll have to call it. With the brochure, Alex included the following covering letter: Dear Arthur: I was reading through my wife's Chatelaine magazine this month when I came across this lovely product. I called the 1-800 number ask- ing for more information and lo-and-behold, got this brochure in the mail yester- day! I couldn't help thinking it was just the sort of thing you might be interested in. Let me know what you think! Sincerely, Alex The brochure Alex sent me came from Ultra Tech Products Incorporated, of Houston, Texas. What Ultra Tech is flogging is... I mean what Ultra Tech is putting on the market is a f... This is very difficult. It involves one of the last taboos of free speech. I could write a column about axe murderers or about Bingo in the Vatican. I could write about cheating, swearing, stealing, or coveting one's neighbours burro and it wouldn't raise a single eye- brow. But let me mention one word about 'gas' and ka- boom! Strong editors lunge for their blue pencils and lit- tie old ladies from the Queen Charlotte Islands to Joe Batt's Arm recoil as if hit by an Eric Lindros cross check. Gas. That's what the brochure Alex Murdoch sent me is ail about. Hydrogen sulphide. Human...pro- duced...hydrogen sulphide. Intestinal gas. Flatulence. Actually, the brochure is touting the praises of some- thing called the Flatulence Filter Seat Cushion, (former- ly known as the TooT TrappeR) which the copy assures me "uses Space Shuttle Technology to clean and recycle stale and poten- tially deadly air." Is aIl this firepower neces- sary to combat a relatively minoi social problem? According to the folks at Ultra Tech it is. Their brochure includes news sto- ries concerning; -a woman in North Dakota who divorced hler husband. - a 900-pound man in England who died in his sleep. - a woman in California who shot her husband. What do these stories have in common? The Ultra Tech brochure pulls no punches. They are ail what the brochure calls: THE TERRIBLE RESULTS OF SMELLY FLATULENCE. And, say the folks of Ultra Tech, the flatulence Filter is the solution to the problem. What it is, is a fairly simple- looking foam seat cushion that uses 'space age technolo- gy' to filter out and render odorless that which we all wish we didn't produce. Does it work? The folks at Ultra Tech claim they've sold thousand of Flatulence Filters to grateful emitters (usually male) all over the globe. Besides, says Ultra Tech -- we men owe it to our Loved Ones. Well, maybe. But I resent the implication that its just men who need the Flatulence filter. I'm reminded of the story about the spinster who went to lier doctor and told him, "I don't know what the problem is but I have gas just about all the time. It's not a problem socially because I don't make any noise and there's no odor, but I just can't seem to stop. In fact. just since l've been in your office I believe I've passed gas at least twenty times." The doctor nods and hands lier some pills. telling her to take them three times a day and to come back in two weeks. Two weeks later the spin- ster is back in the doctor's office. And she is ticked off. "What kind of medicine is this?" she demands. "I'm still passing gas as much as I was before. They stilI don't make any noise, but ow they stink terribMy" The doctor nods again. "Okay, now that we have your sinuses cleared up. We get you fitted for a hearing aid." "To all our patrons, friends and neighbours, wishing you the best of the HOLIDAY SEASON. Orono Electric e Herbe Happenings ... CHRISTMAS EVE SERVICE Christmas Eve Service, Christmas Eve, December 24 at 7:00 p.m., Orono United Church. NO LESKARD CHURCH SERVICE. THE CANADIAN RED CROSS SOCIETY The Red Cross Blood Donor Clinic will be held Thursday, January 8th, 1998 from 12:30 - 7:30 p.m. at St. Gregory's Auditorium, 190 Simcoe St. North. All blood types are urgently needed. New donors are very welcome. Please bring signature identification. For more information please call 905 - 723-2933. Thank you to The Durham Region Real Estate Board for sponsoring the January Blood Clinic. DID YOU KNOW......? It takes more than 1,000 donations to pro- duce the 100,000 units of Factor VIII concentrate often needed to treat an adult hemphiliac for one year.