The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

( 12~on Wedy tinis, ednsda, èbray419 ) PÀARLIAMENI HILL NOTEBOOK by Art Babych Sex, lies and video clips "If it were any slower I'd be lapstag tato a coma," groaned a fellow scribbler in the press gallery as the House of Commons prepared to go back Into session Feb. 2.. Parliament Hill reporters were wthout a Parliament to report on for six weeks as devoted MPs labored tireless- ly in their home ridtags on behaîf of taxpaylng con- stituents. And if you believe that -- have we got a deal for you. The doldrums actually forced some hacks to dlg for a news story rather than rely on partisan handouts. Others, however, joined their Anerican colleagues' feedtag frenzy over President Bill Cllnton's latest alieged sexu- al indiscretion. One Ottawa radio station sent reporters to cover the earthshaklng story live and direct from Washington D.C., CBC Newsworld sensationalized it from a Canadian perspective and the country's major newspapers devoted their front pages to the titiliating scandai. To paraphrase Winston Churchill, neyer have so many speculated so much for so many with so few facts. At least, not since O.J. Was it sometbing wc wrote?.. Some freelancers l'in the press gallery are miffed because they dldn't get an invite to tIýe Jan. 21 bash thrown by Governor General Romeo Leblanc. 'That's dis- crimination," one freelance farm reporter mooed. A limit- ed number of invitations were sent to FHi11 reporters but ours obviousiy got lost in the mail __ againý Not that your colum- nist would have gone to the schmooze-fest anyway. The invitation said the proper attire for the reception was a "business suite" or "a short dress." We possess neither. He scores, again.. Hockey ne'er-do-well Wayne Gretzky may be quick with the puck but can't keep up wlth his manly awards. The Brantford, Ont. native was appotated an Officer of the Order of Canada more than 13 years ago but was neyer officialiy invested because he was too busy win- ning alrihost every NHL trophy and award possible. on Wednesday night, though, Governor-Generai Leblanc fmnally presented the tasignia to the former Edmonton Oler who now, tragically, labours with the New York Rangers. The citation said Gretzky's astonishing talent has daz- zled fans and players and his gentlemaniy conduct and sportsmanship are an inspi- ration to his teamimates, opponents and y.oungsters- Snobelen signs commercial fishing agreement learnlng the game." Not to mention his bankers. As an aside, there's absoiutely no truth to reports that former PM Brian Mulroney wrote an acceptance after reading the headiine: "Great One to receive award." Stuff about -Duff'.. The press gallery's likeable Mike Duffy. literally one of Canada's most promiinent media figures, is being exiled from Ottawa to Toronto. The host of CTV's Sunday Edition -- known to help certain columnists with computer probiems (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) -- is reportediy taiklng is production to the big TO in a move that foilows the takeover of CTV by Baton Broadcasting. "Duff' is aiso in uine for a major position with the new Toronto-based all-talk TV channel. We bld him good luck and a fondu, er .a fond adieu. A while back, Duf accepted an invitation from your coiumnist to speak at a dinner in the National Press Club. His ofi-humorous talk about behind-the-scenes politics in the nation's capital lasted almost two hours. But despite the length, no one got bored -- a rare feat tadeed ta Ottawa's rubber-chlcken cir- cuit. Next time, skip the ice cubes.. If several members of the Teain Canada trade mission to Latin America were leery of dotag the Macarena it could be because they came down with Montezuma's Revenge -- the bacterlal infection that tasplred the portable potty. That might explain the Ottawa Sun's report about Natural Resources Minister John Snobeien signed a formal agreement on January 12, 1998, with the Ontario Commercial Fisheries' Association (OCFA) that wili see the industry assume a larger role in man- agtag the long-teni health of the province's commercial fishery. The industry has aiso agreed to pay highier royalties on the value of commercially caught fish. "Tins agreement marks the beginning of a new business reiatlonship between the Ministry and the OCFA in support of managing Ontario's commercial flshery, whlch is one of the iargest freshwater fisheries in the world,- sald Mr. Snobelen. The agreement was slgned by the Minister and OCFA president John Perks at the association's annual meeting in Toronto, Mr. Snobelen also presented a cheque for $92.000 to the association to cover start-up costs related to Us new fisheries manage- ment responsibilities. Under the agreement, roy- alties on commercialiy caught fish will tacrease from two per cent to 3.3 per over the next two years, generally up to an Aberta Premier Ralph fflein's misadventures during the trip. Turns out that Kin got sunburned in Buenos Aires dotag what many politicians do best -- playîng golf. But he ,was burned even more by the press corps who reported he missed meetings on the trip because of his sunbumn. In denylng the charges, Klein labelied the reporting 'terri- ble." The Sun. saîd Kin did miss a news conference with the Prime Minister and Premiers. An aide explained that Kinawas ta the wash- room at the-time. Cursing General Montezuma, per- haps. The Peterborough Victoria Northumberland and Clarington Roman Catholic District Sohool Board Pare nts/guardians with children who will be attending Kindergarten in September 1998 are requested to register now at your local Catholic Separate Scbool. *Junior Kindergyarten students must bc four years of age by Dec. 31, 1998. * Senior Kindergarten students must be five years of age by Dec. 31, 1998. To siniplifythe procedure please bringyour child's Baptismal Certificate, Birth Certificate, Immunization Record, your Lot and Concession number (for rural students) and proof of Separate School Property Tax Support. Please contact the school secretary/office prior to the registration date to set un an annointment: SCHOGL DATESITIME PHONE St. Francis of Assisi, Newcastle February 9 - 13 (905) 987-4797 Principal: Bob Dwyer 8:30 a.m. - 3:30 p.m. The Boar d offers a French Immersion Pregramt begnning ai Mhe Senior Kindergarien level. D. M. Foiz Director of Education addltlonal $500,000 annual- ly for MNR's FIsh and Wildiife Speclal Purpose Account '(SPA). The increased royalties provided to the SPA will be used to improve sport fishing in Ontario as well as to sup- port the industry's increased responsibilities in fisherles management. MNR wlll continue to set standards for ail manage- ment activities, establish appropriate controls and monitor the performance of the commercial fishing indus- try. The new working arrangement will ailow MNR staff to concentrate their efforts on the allocation of fishery resources, developlng regulations, law enforcement and fisheries science. Under the agreement, OCFA will assume a major role in the delivery of four areas of commercial fishery management including: -è entry of data from com- mercial fish harvest reports; e administration of the commercial fishlng royalty system;' - compliance rmonltoring through the operation of an expanded Lake Erie port observer system; and * patcp tioninco-opera- tive fisheries assessment pro- jects to supplement MNR's data collection p1rograms. Mr. Snobeleri noted that the commercial fishing indus- try has establlshed a good track record of worklng co- operatively wlth MNR in sev- eral of these areas. For exam- pie, the lndustry currentiy coliects the commercial roy- alties and provides boats and crews to asslst wlth the min- istry's fisheries assessment programs. The landed value of fish caught commerclally in Ontario exceeds $40 million annually, and increases in value to about $200 -million after processing. Over 90 per cent of the industry's prod- ucts are exported. Get them here at the Times! Choose from our many stationary books or have us design one unique just for you! OejRONO WEEKLY TIMES 1998 Subscription Renewals are now due! SERVING DURHAM REGION SINCE 1841 FUNERAL SERVICES PRE-ARRANGED & PREPAID 'Where fProfeýssionaf £tiqurtte is Important' Funerai Directors Paul R. Morris Robert E. Williams Gary M. Conway Doug R. Rutherford ANSWERING YOUR CALL 24 HOURS 623-5480 4 Division St. Bowmanville JLOa-loint 1 Jt for alyourprinting requirements:. *Business Cards - Letterheads - Envelopes *Newsletters - Flyers - Invoices - Tickets eFull Colour Printing e and more!. "ýEverythinig with theprrnted word!" at the Orono Weekly Times 5310 Main Street, Orono LOB IMO PhDlone/Fax (905) 983-5301 I - i E. F. Brahaney Board Chaiirperson