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Orono WeeklyTnies, Wednesday, February 25, 1998 - il CAA supports new program to allow air bag deactivation ARTHUR BLACK LOVE IS A FOUR-LET- TER WORD. April is the cruelest month, breeding Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing Memory and desire... The Wasteland T. S. Eliot wrote that, and for my money, T.S. Eliot was all wet. April isn't the cruelest month. The wettest month maybe, but not the cruelest. That honour goes to the one-twelfth of the calendar Canucks are currently slogging through: February. Now there's a cruel month for you. February: the Waiting-For- Godot Month. The As-Bad- As-It-Gets Month. The merry roisterings of Christmas and New Years are but a distant memory, a thousand shovelsful of snow behind us. And what's to look forward to? Spring. Sometime. Eventually. We hope. Which is what makes St. Valentine's Day so important for our mental health. St. Valentine's -- February 14th -- 24 hours of frivolity in a vast sea of slush and frost and frozen car batteries. Herewith two tales of love, one bitter, one sweet, to get you over the hump from Yule to Spring: The grim one first. It con- cerns a sprightly, five-foot-two harbinger of love by the name of Tracey Lyn Sargent. I haven't met Tracey, but I have it on good authority that she is a 'stunning' blond, elfin and captivating, more than capable of snatching the average man's heart and playing a brisk game of Ping-Pong with it. She certainly did that last year with four Toronto busi- nessmen, from each of whom the whimsical Ms. Sargent managed to extract tens of thousands of dollars. These guys were all successful, savvy business men, looking for a lit- tle romantic 'action on the side'. They called up a Toronto Escort Service, were intro- duced to Tracey Lyn Sargent and got taken to the cleaners. Well, they certainly had their bank accounts vacuum- cleaned courtesy of Tracey. The men weren't dummies. One was a doctor, another was a crown attorney. The other two were self-made business- men. Hard nosed guys, one would think, and yet a petite blonde who weighed maybe ninety-eight pounds soaking wet, had these guys falling all over themselves in their rush to give her their money. Tracey didn't use a gun. Or threats. Or blackmail. All she used was a pair of lethal baby-blues. As one of the guys summed it up later: "Love is stupid." Well, maybe. But there is the story of Bill Gottlieb. Bill wanted to propose to his sweet- ie, Emily, in the worst way. Actually, make that in the 'words' way. Emily is a crossword puzzle freak. She never misses The New York Times brainbuster. She does it even when she's with Bill at lunch. She was puzzling her way through the January 7th edition over brunch with Bill at a restaurant. The theme of the puzzle was A Modest Proposal. But it was a weird puzzle, even by New York Times stan- dards. For one thing, Emily found her name in one of the answers. Then she found Bill's first name in another. Scooting down to 38 across, she read the clue: 1965 Gary Lewis and the Playboys Hit was the clue. That was easy. Emily filled in This Diamond Ring. Then she got to the clue for 56 Across. It read 1992 Paula Abdul hit. Well, Emily knew that had to be Will You Marry Me? Her name. Bill's name. A Modest Proposal. A wedding proposal. All these matrimoni- al clues....Emily scrunched up her nose the way Bill loved as she looked across at him munching on a bagel. "Bill," she said, with a sense of baffle- ment, "this puzzle...." And Bill just took her hand - - the one with the ball point pen in it, looked at her and said "Will you marry me." That's when Emily realized that this guy had gone to the trouble of getting the Crossword Puzzle editor of The New York Times to let him propose marriage to her -- in a crossword puzzle. Not surprisingly, her response was the same as the answer to 57 Down: A three letter word indicating agree- ment. Love is......what's a six-letter word for love? 'Stupid' would fit, for sure. But so would 'lovely'. CAA Central Ontario announce that it supports the decision made by government and industry to allow certain Canadians to have air bag deactivation switches installed in their vehicles. Under the program outlined by Transport Minister David Collenette, individuals who wish to deactivate their air bags will have to demonstrate that they meet at least one of the following criteria: e they have a rear-facing child restraint that must be used in the front passenger seat, as is the case in pickup trucks and sports cars; • they must routinely place children in the front passen- ger seat, as is the case in car pools; * they cannot ensure a driver's seating position with at least 25 centimetres of clearance between their chest and the steering wheel; or • they have a good medical reason not to use an air bag. CAA urges motorists to use the switches in very limited circumstances and only after all other options have been considered. "Real world expe- riences prove that air bags save lives when drivers and passengers are properly restrained and positioned away from the air bag mod- ule," said CAA spokesperson Laurie LeGallais. "This pro- gram is expected to enhance the safety of all drivers and passengers and should be seen as an interim measure until smart air bag technolo- gy is introduced." CAA's support of the pro- gram will involve a compre- hensive educational compo- nent and distribution of the form necessary to secure Transport Canada's approval for temporary deactivation. When the program officially launches next month, forms will be made avallable at CAA's 130 offices across the country. Education brochures will accompany the form to ensure Canadians make informed decisions about using on/off switches. Further information will be available on CAA's Internet site at www.caa.ca. CAA offers the following tips to help maximize the pro- tection afforded by air bags: • Always use your seat belt and ensure children are prop- erly buckled up. • Children under 13 are safer in the back seat. e Adults should never allow children to tuck the shoulder belt behind their back or under their arm. Use a belt- positioning booster seat for children 18-27 kilograms. • Make sure the lap belt lies low across the pelvis and that the shoulder belt lies over the shoulders and across the chest. • Never use a rear-facing child seat in the front pas- senger seat of a vehicle with an active air bag. * Adjust front seats as far back as possible to provide sufficient space for the air bag to deploy while still letting you comfortably reach the pedals and steering wheel. • Do not lean close in to the steering wheel, dashboard or glove compartment while the vehicle is moving. CAA Central Ontario is a not-for-profit auto club offer- ing insurance, travel and emergency road services. There are 1.7 million CAA members in Ontario, and 3.8 million members in Canada. FARM NEWS ONTARIO DAIRY SCHOLARSHIPS The Ontario Dairy Youth Trust Fund is again sponsor- ing four scholarships of $500 each (2 diploma and 2 degree). These scholarships are available to any member or son/daughter of a member of any dairy breed association in Ontario. You must have successfully completed at least the first year of a uni- versity/college agricultural program and be enrolled in the following year. Deadline for the application is June 16,1998. For an application or more information contact the Ontario Holstein Branch at 519-653-6180. ANALYZE YOUR FARMiBUSINESS It's now the time of year when many farmers are get- ting their books in order in preparation for income tax fil- ing. This year, why not con- sider using this Information for something more than just tax purposes. To evaluate financial and production strengths of your operation, why not plug this information R.R. 1, Orono LOB 1iMO Into the OnriFarm Mana gement Analysis ProJiect (OFMAP). The project provides you with an income statement and a balance sheet for your business. Using your docu- ments, an analysis is done to show the performance of your business. Profit is calculated as a return to capital and labour. Cost efficiency of the business can be determined for each enterprise. By com- paring overhead and variable costs to the provincial aver- ages for a similar type farm strengths and weaknesses within your farming business can be identified. For exam- ple, you could compare your feed cost per litre of milk pro- duced, your cost of producing a cwt of beef or your cost per pig produced. Financial and production information are combined in the enterprise reports. The project will report actual yields of crops as well as the cost at which they are pro- duced. Monitoring theseand other indicators will help pro- ducers find ways to increase profits. Remaining competitive means keeping up with the competition. The report allows farms ta make two valuable comparisons. How well am I doing compared to other farmers? How do I com- pare to myself in previous years? Individual farm reports provide the farmer's own report and a 5-year his- torical report showing the trends in a number of key business indicators. The provincial report gives provin- cial averages as well as a 5- year trend report for the province. If you wish to complete the project and receive a finan- cial and production summary for your farm contact the Ontario Ministry of Agriculture, Food and Rural Affairs at 905-985-2003 or 1- 800-263-8023. 4 Miles North f Hwy 401 on Hwy 35/115 - À O - a A - B MORRIS FUNERAL CHAPEL SERVING DURHAM REGION SINCE 1841 FUNERAL SERVICES PRE-ARRANGED & PREPAID 'Wfere Professiona'Etiquette is Important' Funeral Directors Paul R. Morris Robert E. 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