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14- Orono Weekiy limes, Wednesday, December Z i~08 Arthur Black THE WONDERFUL GAME 0F BLOOPERS This is probably the tough- est of year for the dedicated non-sports fan. The football season is in full campai gi with the Grey Cup and the Vanier Cup just fading in the rear- view mirror and the never-end- ing "Bowls" (Rose, Gator, Orange, Hula, etcetera) just over the horizon. The National Hockey League season is grinding, through its inter- minable season -- and tennis, golf and car racing we have with us always., You might infer, from the snide toile of the above, that 1 arn not a major sports fan. Untrue. 1 arn a passionate fol- lower of a particular sector of the Sports Business that over- laps ail venues. The Play By Play Announcers Blooper Invitational. 1 collect classic sports announcer boners -- and there's a fruitful orchard in which to do my plucking.' My favourite so far this year: Last spring, Larry Frattare broke into his broad- cast coverage of a Pittsburgh Pirates game to lamnent the untimely death of the great black actor James Earl Jones. "I thought he was just tremendous in (the basebal film) 'Field of Dreams"' Frattare intoned. "We're going to miss him." Frattare's eulogy was pre- mature. James Earl Jones was - - and is -- alive and well. The chap who died was white racist James Earl Ray, the assassin of Martin Luther King. Oh, well. Ail those James Earls look alike anyway. Foot In Mouth disease is not an affliction restricted to sports announcers south of the border. Frank Selke Jr., once had his moment of truth in a between- periods interview with a young fan during a Canadiens-Ranger hockey game. "Did you have a nice Christmas?" Selke asked the youngster. "Why not?" Selke persisted. "I'm Jewish" 'the lad explained. Curt Gowdy got into hot -- or at Ieast deep -- water while broadcasting an AFL Ahl Star game a few years back. The football field had been deluged with rain prior to the game, leaving huge puddles every- where. "If there's a big pileup out there" observed Gowdy, "they'l have to give some players artificial insemination." Sports broadcaster Jerry Coleman was interviewing the wife of a famous basebal Basebal Wife.' "When he's on the road 1 have to take car e of everything. I'm pretty much the man of the family" said the woman. "Ah," ýaid Coleman, "so you have to wear the pants in the family." "That's right" the wife agreed, "but when he cornes home I take them off." 1And F'm sure Jim McKay of ABC's Wide World of Sports would like to have a second chance at covering, the World Barrel Jumping Championships of 1986. "Leo Lebel has been com- peting with a pulled stomach muscle" McKay told TV watchers. . "He's howing a lot of guts." Then there was the fellow covering a PGA Golf Classic as Billy Casper approached the tee. "Billy, usâIIY an epet putter, seems to bc having diffi- culty with his long putts" he murmured into the microphone, adding thoughtfully "However he has nio trouble dropping his shorts". Sportscaster Chris Sehenkel must stili wince whenever he recalîs his remark during a Honolulu football game. As the TV camera it lingered on a particularly fetching blonde in the stands, Schenkel turned ta his co-anchor saying "Bud,, isn't that the young lady who gave us a lei before the gamne?" My all-time favourite? I heard it on- a live, national TV football broadcast about fifleen years ago. The sportscaster, who shail remain mercifully nameless, was covering the last dramatic seconds of the fourth quarter. His play by play went like this: "He's fading back ta pass ... he's going deep ... IT'S INTERCEPTED ON THE 30- YARD LINE! Mullins has the ball ... he's to the 40 ... he crosses mid-field . ..Now he's at the 50... the 40... .he dodges a tack- le ... He's running well ... To the 30 ... the 20 .... LOOKIT THAT SONNOVABITCH RUN!" It is perhaps unfair to hold sports announcers up to the same standards as say, Lloyd Robertson or Peter Mansbridge. Sports commen- A Friendly remînder from Clarnngton Animal Services Depariment PROTECI YOUR DOG 1998 DOG LICENCES.ARE AVAILABLE NOW CLARINCTON BY-LAW #87- 156 STATES THAT ÀLL DOOS MUST BE LICENCED EACH YEÀR LICENCE FEES: $25. for the lst & 2nd dog per residence $35. for the 3rd dog HeIp us to return your lost pet. Save the worry and the costof impound fines and additional board fees. We regularly return icensed dogs home without needing ta impound them. Clarington encourages owners to buy their annual dog licences with discounts. SAVE - $2.00 for EARLY PURCHASE - before March lst SAVE - $2.00 with proof of CURRENT RABIES VACCINE SAVE - $13.00 with proof of NEUTER Owners who purchase a licence for their neutered, vaccinat- ed dog before March lst will only pay $800. There are sever- ai outiets selling Municipal dog tags for your convenience: - Michelle's Grooming, Newcastle - Rolph's Hardware, Orono - Cou rtice Pet Clinic *Driver & Vehicle Licence Bureau *Municipal Administrative Centre *Clarington Animal Shelter *Newcastle Veterînary Clinic *Clarington Animal Hospital *East Oshawa Animal Hospital *Clarington Pet Connection *Durham Veterinary Clînîc *Bowmanville Veterinary Clinîc ~~~,MNICIALrY0OF ONTARIO Dates of Publication. Wednesday, December 2, 1998 PO. #6558 tators aren't hired for theïr knowledge of current events. As football quarterback- turned-commentator 50 elo- quently put it:, "No body in football should bc called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." M Tilley Hats, plus 'endurablé' pickpocket-proof travel clothing. OREA)r OMISMAS OIF7«S! Available at Goligers Travel Plus in the Bowmanville Mall - 623-1511 Fairwimnds Antiques -CHOCOLATE OUTLET - A large vaiety to choosefrornfor the Cbristmhas season... $550 per lb. tax included., We also carry W [a ~Royal Doulton at balf the book price. Corne down and see us! 5028 Main Street, Orono (905) 983-9806* Fri, Sat, Sun 10-6 Wê Weekdays by chance SERVING DURHAM REGION SINCE 1841 ALL FUNERAL SERVICES PREARRANGED AND/OR PREPALD BURLAL - CREMATION - TRANSFERS "WHER.E PROFESSIONAL ETIQUETTE 15 IMPOR TANT- FUNERAL DIRECTORS PAUL R. MORRIS GARY M. CON WAY DOUG R. RUTHERFORD DEBRA D. KELLEHER 623-5480 4 DIVISION ST., BOWMANVILLE- AT QUEEN ST. Clarington Fitness Centre P.A. DAY SWIMS Friday, December 4, 1998 Public Swimming from 10:30 a.m. 10 il1:30 a.m. - 1:30 p.m. to 3 p.m. "Corne out and enjoy a fun-filled afternloon with our friendly SIGWEED the Sea Snake!" Courtice Community Complex P.A. DAY SWIM Friday, December 4, 1998 Public Swimming from 1:30 p.m. 10 4 p.m. "Waterslide wiII be open!" ONTARIO Dates of Publication: Wed, November 25 & December 2, 1998 P.O. #6833 MORRIS FUNERAL CHAPEL LTD.