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8 - Orono Weekly Times Wednesday, July 22, 2009 Basic Black by Arthur Black The law is an ass He wasn't too swift, even as penny ante crooks go. He came into the Lucky Moose Food Mart in Toronto's Chinatown, whistling, hands in pockets, looking around. Mister Innocent. Then he snatched a tray of potted plants and sprinted down the road. Dumb and dumber, he came back; but proprietor David Chen was waiting for him. "We knew he'd come back", Chen said. "I stood outside and one hour later, he returned. I told him, 'You have to come inside and pay.' Instead, the thief took off. Mister Chen ran him down, tied his arms and tossed him in the back of the store's delivery van. Naturally, when the cops arrived they arrested the guy. No, not the thief - David Chen. The store owner was charged with assault, forceable confinement, kidnapping and carrying a concealed weapon. The weapon? A boxcutter Chen uses to, well, open boxes. I hate to sound like a Don Cherry retread, but what the hell is going on here? A guy once said 'the safety of the people should be the highest law'. That guy was Cicero. We've had more than 2,000 years to work on it and we still can't get it right. As a 15-year-old kid in Keswick, Ontario learned earlier this year. The kid, of Asian descent, was bullied by an older, larger white student. The white kid called him a 'fing Chinese' then punched him in the mouth. What the aggressor perhaps wasn't aware of, is that the smaller Asian kid was also a black belt in karate. His father, a martial-arts master, had trained his son to fight only as a last resort, only in self defence, and only with his left, weaker hand. So he did. He threw one short, sharp punch, with his left hand, and broke the white kid's nose. The result was an immediate 20-day suspension. Not for the race-baiting white aggressor, you understand. For the Asian kid who was defending himself. The school principal, clearly a genius in community relations, followed up with a letter recommending the Asian student be banned from all schools in the region. After a public protest and much media ink, the suspension was lifted and the Asian student is back at school. But you have to ask: how did things ever get so stupid? Could be worse, I guess. We could be all living in Florida, where Robert Wirth, Jr., is on the verge of losing his home to the bank. His crime? Walking his dog - without a leash. Mister Wirth and his unfettered Labrador retriever ran afoul of the River Watch Homeowners Association in Tarpon Springs. He was reminded of the rules - pets must be on leash at all times. He kept walking his leashless Lab. He was fined. He hired a lawyer. Now, seven years later, Wirth owes $40,000 in fines, back interest and legal fees - plus $60,000 to his own lawyer. Now I grant you that Mister Wirth is a bit of a wingnut (he's got a gun collection and he's threatened to use it on select members of the Homeowners' Association) -but still...The Florida courts are threatening to take away a man's house because he doesn't use a dog leash? Can it get stupider that that? Yes it can - and you don't have to move to the Sunshine State to experience it. Manitoba's far enough. Last month, Manitoba's Criminal Code Review board met to decide what to do with Vince Li. You remember Vince Li. He's the guy who, last summer, committed a crime worthy of a Stephen King novel which did for bus travel what Tony Perkins did for motel showers in the movie Psycho. Vince Li decapitated - and cannibalized - a poor, inno- cent, sleeping kid on a Winnipeg-bound Greyhound bus. He's since been found not guilty by reason of insanity. Good call, I'd say. But the Manitoba Review Board couldn't decide whether to institutionalize (duh!) Mister Li or -- discharge him back into the populace??? That's freaky enough. What's truly mind-boggling is the revelation that the Review Board wasn't sure whether it ought to even inform the Canadian public of its final decision. John Stefaniuk, chairman of the review board worried publicly that releasing the board's decision "could violate Li's rights as a patient." Did you get that? Not only could Vince Li be walking our streets as a free man - we might never be told that he's out there. Somebody once said 'stupidity is more difficult to control than evil'. Except in Manitoba, where they both run wild and free. 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