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8 - Orono Weekly Times Wednesday, October 14, 2009 Basic Black by Arthur Black How I became a rich guy You probably don't realize it, but you are reading the words of one wealthy dude. I Am Loaded. Extremely well off. Filthy rich, even. Nobody asks me how I achieved my fabulous financial prosperity but if somebody did, I would tell them I became rich by following the example of another man of magnificent means, Aristotle Onassis. You've heard of him? Greek shipping tycoon. At 22, he was a penniless refugee; when he died, aged 69, in 1975, his empire was worth half a billion dollars. Someone asked Onassis the secret to his success. He said he was rich because he wore no topcoat. "Since I am known as a 'rich' person" he explained, "I feel I would have to tip at least five dollars every time I check my coat. On top of that, I would have to wear a very expensive coat, and it would have to be insured. Added up, without a topcoat I save over $20,000 a year." Exactly. That is also the secret of my success. I don't mean that I don't wear a topcoat; I just mean that I, too, am cheap. Smoking? I gave that up years ago, but I was once a pack a day man. Last time I checked, smokes were selling for ten dollars a pack. I save $3700 a year right there. Gave up booze, too. Used to drink wine, beer on a regular basis and a martini from time to time. Doesn't take long for that to add up. Let's say I drank two bottles of wine, a half dozen beer and one martini (a martinus?) every seven days. That's got to be a minimum of fifty bucks. A week. Now, cranberry and soda is my social beverage of choice and I'm no longer shelling out at least $2,600 a year. If you throw in the tab from parties, weddings and showers, expensive cab rides and drunken over-tipping I've got to be pocketing an extra four grand a year - just from not drinking. We used to be a two-car household, but we sold one ($30,000) and replaced it with a motor scooter ($3,000). Savings: another $17,000. Used to cost me close to a hundred bucks a week to fill the tank on the old gas-eater. My scooter takes about five dollars every week and a half. Chalk up another $5,000 or so I'm saving every annum. Vacations? I save a bundle there. I stay home. I don't go to the States anymore because... it's the States. Their economy is worse than ours and crossing the border is unpleasant and demeaning. Europe and Mexico are (a) hideously expensive and (b) dodgy in the food and mugging departments. Besides, you still have to face the customs goons when you come back. If I wanted to be abused and mistreated by anonymous, unsmiling thugs I'd just go down to the local Hell's Angels clubhouse and kick over a Harley. Much cheaper - and no passport required. So, by not going abroad I save at least four or five thousand a year. Recreation? I don't live close to any major hockey, baseball or football franchise, so, no overpriced season's tickets for me. As for personal sports involvement, hey, I'm an old guy. Nobody's going to sell me a $5,000 mountain bike, a Kevlar kayak or a set of skis to do the Black Diamond run at Whistler at my age. I don't have the plaid slacks (or temperament) for golf and I'm too young for lawn bowling. Gotta be pocketing at least another ten or twelve grand a year there. And I don't buy toys - well, not the expensive ones anyway. Don't have a BlackBerry, an iPhone, a GPS thingummy or a shuffleboard-court-sized plasma TV screen for my living room wall. Another ten thou a year I don't have to spend. I'm retired, so I no longer have the expense of commuting to work - that also means my wardrobe expenses have plummeted. I dress for comfort now - sweat pants, T shirts, running shoes. My business suits, leather shoes, ties, and dress shirts? All gone to the Thrift Store whence cometh aforementioned sweats, Ts and sneakers. The money this saves is difficult to calculate, but let's round it off at $10,000 a year. I don't play poker or the ponies and I don't buy Irish Sweepstakes tickets or patronize casinos. Lottery tickets? Please. Do I look that dumb? A retiree pays a lot less income tax than a working stiff. I save a huge wad there. Granted, I no longer cash a weekly corporate pay cheque, but who cares? Look at the money I saved in the past twelve months by not smoking/drinking/driving a hummer/going abroad/holding down a day job/buying titanium golf clubs/playing roulette/wearing dopey white nipples in my ears. Easily over $100,000. Makes me feel smug, fulfilled, holier-than-thou and fiscally astute all at once. Just one question. Where's the money? Clarington Museums and Archives Spirits haunt the streets of Bowmanville has come to open Bowmanville's historical vault and share some of our tales of eerie and unexplained phenomenon. Every Wednesday evening in October join Clarington Museums and Archives for our bone-chilling, lantern-lit tours through the streets of Bowmanville. Over the course of the evening, you will hear a score of ghostly accounts while being introduced to the town's early history. Advance purchase of Spirit Walk tickets is required! Reserve your space today or be gravely disappointed! Reservations can be made by visiting the Sarah Jane Williams Heritage Centre at 62 Temperance Street between 11:00 am until 4:00pm, Tuesday through Saturday or by calling the museum offices at 905-6232734. Tickets are $7.00 each and include refreshments at the Bowmanville Museum at the end of the tour. Please note that if you are under the age of 14 you must be accompanied by an adult for the duration of the evening. Hear tales of hauntings and history, stories and spirits, ghosts and genealogy! For more than 200 years the people of Bowmanville have been unknowingly building a repertoire of scary local stories, each one filled with enough mystery and intrigue to confuse and shock even the keenest minds. The time