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Wednesday, November 30, 2011 Orono Weekly Times - 13 From The House At The Centre Of The Universe `Tis the season by Tracy Tonkinson We may not be blanketed in snow yet, but I think it is safe to say that winter is well and truly on the way in spite of the silly double digit days Mother Nature is gifting us here and there. Of course what this means for those of us with a jocular bent (no it's not some rare affliction) is that it is time to go down into the spidery basement, or up into the creepy attic and retrieve the yards of knotted, twisted, dust covered Christmas lights that we festooned our castles with last year. Here is where the fun begins. If you have been smart enough to box, label and store your old decorations in some sort of orderly fashion, congratulations. You are in the top 1% of people clever enough to figure out that five minutes of planning saves five hours of frustrated fruitless searching, endless finger pointing and acrimonious recrimination as the family wades together through the piles of detritus that passes for storage in most of our homes. Once you have actually located the items you are looking for, be they lights, trees, inflatable's, or that horrible reindeer candelabra great aunt Ethel bought you the year you got married, you can now begin the decorating in earnest. For us that means another search, this time for the ladder tall enough to reach the balcony, or ridgeline, or porch. This can be another five hour marathon, or if we are lucky one of us will remember that when we cleared out the gutters last spring we stored the ladder against the willow tree in the back yard. No matter that the ladder is stiff with rust we have located it, triumph! Once we have the ladder we are on a roll. The lights are untangled, fresh bulbs inserted and strings of flashing lights pulsate across the family room floor. All is well until one of us, lumbering clumsily under the weight of an inflatable Christmas tree, steps on the string and with a howl of pain not only lacerates a foot but also crushes, as completely as the bulbs that have just been shattered, our hopes of getting by without buying new lights. There will now be another five hour interlude while we hot foot it to Canadian Tire for replacements; along with the fifty million other members of humanity that have also crushed last year's decorations underfoot. Here in the festive section of Canada's favourite purveyor of just about everything the joy is palpable, as hundreds of frustrated shoppers vie for the last string of lights that match the ones they already own or try in vain to find a box that is not heavily taped up having been crushed by a fork lift in the store room. Angry words are exchanged when feet are rolled over by carts full of Christmas crackers, candles and those tiny train sets that drive the cat crazy chugging around the tree. Oh yes, all of the joys of the season are etched on the tense faced, tight lipped, irascible throng buying up good cheer before they burst a blood vessel and go postal on their fellow shoppers. As for us here at the House, we have untied the light strings, replaced the bulbs and pegged into the lawn the penguin, snowman, Santa swinging from the Christmas tree and a bird of undetermined genus. All that is left is to inflate the critters and stand back and survey the winter wonderland that we have unleashed on the world. Meanwhile, across the street our good and kindly neighbours, who have taken such care to tastefully adorn their homes with ribbons and wreaths and beautiful winter plants are likely developing a twitch, grinding their teeth and shuddering every time they look across at the Vegas come to Orono spectacle that we have visited upon them once again. We can only apologize, but after all, `tis the season. ORONO WEEKLY TIMES LOCAL NEWS LOCAL EVENTS LOCAL SPORTS Keeping you in touch with everything local since 1937! 905-983-5301