The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

8 - Orono Weekly Times 1937 - 2012 · Celebrating 75 Years Wednesday, January 18, 2012 Basic Black by Arthur Black Dear Siri: Please marry me Pssst. You lonely? Looking for a little...female companionship? Have I got a girl for you. She's not cheap, but she's very, very good. Knows how to...take care of business, if you get my meaning. No, I mean really take care of business. She'll call a cab, text message your kids, book you a table at a good Thai restaurant and make sure you remember your dentist's appointment. When you're heading out the door she'll remind you to take along your wallet, your travel mug and the car keys. She's sharp, reliable, available twenty-fourseven and what's more she'll never quit on you, no matter how big a jerk you are. If you curse her out, she just tut-tuts and says, "Now, now." If you're a perverted jerk and ask her to "talk dirty" to you, she sighs and says, "Dust. Silt. Gravel. Mud." And if you really go bananas and start cursing her out she'll say, "How can you hate me? I don't even exist." Well, yeah...there's that. "Siri," as she's known, is not a living, breathing human, she's a voice-activated App that comes along with Apple's iPhone 4S. But she doesn't talk in that familiar, annoying automaton drone we all know from bad movies and our GPS. Siri's voice is unnervingly warm and real. What's even freakier ­ Siri is actually getting smarter all the time. Not only are her canned answers updated by Apple experts regularly, Siri can also store the questions to, and answers given from, her tens of millions of customers ­ and draw on that info to answer your queries. And Siri is fiercely loyal even if it means a walk on the wild side. "Where can I hide a dead body?" one owner facetiously typed. Siri responded with a list of nearby municipal dumps, metal foundries and swamps. Many customers have come to rely on their new best friend Siri rather a lot. This could have been predicted. Last year, Martin Lindstrom, a consumer advocate, recorded the responses of subjects when they heard their cell phones ring. Magnetic Resonance Imaging detected a frenzy of brain activity, normally associated, says Lindstrom, with feelings of intense love and compassion. Big surprise. Remember tamaogotchis? Back in the 1990s a craze swept Japan (and eventually much of the world) for a tiny gizmo about the size of a rabbit's foot which you could attach to your key chain. Owners were encouraged to "feed," "train" and even "medicate" their tamagotchis every day. They had to ­ otherwise the tamagotchi could sicken and even "die." This, remember, was not a gerbil, a cricket or a teddy bear. It was an electronic gadget that changed its image depending on what its owner did (or didn't) do with it. Neglect your tamagotchi, even for a few hours and you could come back to find that it had "grown wings" (in other words, died). Tamagotchis were not remotely human-like, yet many owners developed alarmingly deep, personal relationships with them. There were stories of owners attempting to adopt their tamagotchis as members of the family. Tamagotchis were a passing fad that waxed and waned, like the hula hoop and Brittany Spears. But Siri? I've got a feeling she's going to be around for a while. Siri's persona is so lifelike, says one customer, "You almost forget that the intelligence we're dealing with is artificial." That's no big surprise either ­ but apparently Siri can handle it. She's already fending off marriage proposals. Yael Baker, a New York media consultant, was so smitten with Siri's expertise that she impulsively typed, "Siri, will you marry me?" To which Siri responded "That's sweet, but let's just be friends." A "Dear John" letter from your phone app. How lame is that? Classified Business Directory LARRY JACKSON Debra Inglis Interior Design PLUMBING & WATER CONDITIONING Automotive Specialties BRIAN COUVIER Licenced Technician 117 Mill St. Orono L0B 1M0 "Look to us for all your general repairs to most make & models" Rims · Tires · Brakes · Tune-Ups Custom Exhaust Systems Castrol Engine Oil & Filter Service Specials Car & Truck Accessories Professional Installation Custom Drapery "Energy Saving Specials" Dealer & Fine Finishes by T. Osmond LDR CONTRACTING * Snow Removal * * Bobcat & Minihoe Service * Dump Trailer Service * * Tree Planting & Stump Removal * · Backhoe Work/Trenching · Pump Repairs & Installation · UV Lights · Water Softeners · Free Estimates For Friendly, Expert Service 905-983-9919 Furniture Repair and Restoration Caning · Veneering · Carving French Polishes & Wicker Repair COMPLETE Luke or Lindsay Porter H. 905-983-9924 C. 905-914-6979 905-983-6214 905-983-5900 www.inglisdesign.ca 4312 Conc. #6, Kendal Experience You Can Trust 905-786-2477 I&T Carpenters · Licensed · 27 Years Experience · Custom Homes · General Contracting · Additions · House Trim · Stairs · Decks ·Windows ·Doors · Barns And all carpentry related work. Orono Veterinary Hospital Complete Residential Renovations, Additions and New Structures Windows · Soffit · Interlocking Waterproofing · Doors · Roofing Ceramic Tile · Siding Eavestroughing · Chimney Repair ~ Specializing in Stone Facing ~ Dr. Derrek de Haan Dr. Mathew Stephenson 30 Cobbledick St., Orono L0B 1M0 Tel: 905-983-9010 Fax: 905-983-5308 · ADDITIONS · RENOVATIONS · DECKS DOOR & WINDOW REPLACEMENTS · EXTERIORS · CABINETRY Authorized Consumers Gas Dealer Independent Lennox Dealer Furnaces · Air Conditioners and Appliances Main Street, Orono 983-6221 Heating · Electrical Air Conditioning ROBERT E. JACKSON "We're here to serve you" Dan Zegers 905-983-9543 TYLER SMITH broker "KRACO" CARPENTRY & CONTRACTING Since 1976 · Custom Built Homes · Renovations/Additions · Designing IVAN JONES TONY FANARA Newcastle 905-987-5819 Hampton 905-263-9988 FREE ESTIMATES Call Mike Bonneau 6495 Leskard Rd., Orono L0B 1M0 Nails & More By Becky... 905-983-9883 32 Mill St., Orono 905·697·1900 * Residential * Farms * Rural Properties * Investment Mobile: 905-435-4181 Home: 905-983-9005 Rudy Kraayvanger www.homesmiths.ca 905-623-1101 www.kraco.ca