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14 - Orono Weekly Times 1937 - 2012 · Celebrating 75 Years Wednesday, October 3, 2012 Basic Black by Arthur Black When ya gotta go... I can't go to the bathroom anymore. No, no, it's not that. There's nothing wrong with the personal plumbing, it's the public washrooms that don't work for me anymore. I hail from the horse-andbuggy days of public washrooms. In my day, if you wanted to flush a toilet, you pressed the shiny doohickey on the tank and you were done. To wash your hands, you turned on the hot water tap (right) and the cold water tap (left) until an agreeably comfortable flow gushed from the spout and you scrubbed away. Drying the washed hands was a simple feat; a couple of paper towels from the handy wall dispenser would do the trick. That's not how it works anymore. Approach a sink in a modern public washroom with your hands lathered up in supplication and you trip a sensor ­ which decides how much water you will get, and what temperature it will be. Usually that means a tepid squirt that wouldn't wash the lint from a gerbil's navel. No matter ­ your hands are at least dampish now, which means you need some paper towels to... Not so fast, forest killer! Modern public washrooms don't do paper towels. They provide eco-friendly, environmentally responsible sanitary hand dryers which produce warm air to dry your hands. Theoretically. The machine wails like a banshee; you look like an idiot trying to shake hands with yourself and your hands remain wet and dripping. No problem. Now you can wipe them on the inside of your pant legs and creep out of the washroom, trying not to look like a pervert. Of course I haven't even mentioned those most inconvenient of all the public conveniences ­ that sombre line of metal stalls ranged against the back wall. The toilets. They've been modernized too. Gone is the shiny, manually-operated flush lever on the toilet tank. It's been replaced by another sensor. A very sensitive sensor. It responds to your every bodily movement. Thus, when you open the stall door, the toilet flushes. When you take off your jacket, it flushes again. It flushes when you sit down; it flushes when you stand up. The water I waste in one trip to a public toilet stall would probably irrigate a Saskatchewan wheat farm through a drought. That's one scenario. Often the sensor doesn't work. At all. And you are left with a toilet you would dearly like to flush...but there's no flush handle. Perhaps if you waved your arm. Or your leg. Or both legs and both arms. This helps to explain those noisy, desperate shuffles you occasionally hear emanating from the stalls of public washrooms. It sounds like some So You Think You Can Dance hopeful's in there, executing a complicated routine, but no, it's just some poor schlub trying to activate a balky toilet stall sensor. They're not done tinkering with our public toilets either. Toto, a Japanese toilet manufacturer, has unveiled a model they call the Neorest AH Tankless Toilet. No toilet paper with this baby ­ instead the `client' is treated to an extremely personal wash and blow-dry all activated by, yes, an unseen sensor. Cost of the Neorest AH Tankless Toilet? Four thousand dollars. All so I can experience what happens to my jalopy in a hands-free car wash? No thanks. I'll just hold it until I get home. Classified Business Directory LARRY JACKSON PLUMBING & WATER CONDITIONING Automotive Specialties BRIAN COUVIER Licenced Technician 117 Mill St. Orono L0B 1M0 · Backhoe Work/Trenching · Pump Repairs & Installation · UV Lights · Water Softeners · Free Estimates For Friendly, Expert Service Orono Veterinary Hospital Dr. Derrek de Haan Dr. Mathew Stephenson 30 Cobbledick St., Orono L0B 1M0 Tel: 905-983-9010 Fax: 905-983-5308 Fine Finishes by T. Osmond COMPLETE LDR CONTRACTING * Snow Removal * * Bobcat & Minihoe Service * Dump Trailer Service * * Tree Planting & Stump Removal * 905-983-9919 Furniture Repair and Restoration Caning · Veneering · Carving French Polishes & Wicker Repair Luke or Lindsay Porter H. 905-983-9924 C. 905-914-6979 "Look to us for all your general repairs to most make & models" Rims · Tires · Brakes · Tune-Ups Custom Exhaust Systems Castrol Engine Oil & Filter Service Specials Car & Truck Accessories Professional Installation 905-786-2477 Experience You Can Trust 905-983-6214 ROBERT E. 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We can make it happen! 905-410-0276 www.designontherox.com roxanne@designontherox.com DAN ZEGERS 905-983-9543 TYLER SMITH broker "KRACO" CARPENTRY & CONTRACTING Since 1976 · Custom Built Homes · Renovations/Additions · Designing IVAN JONES TONY FANARA Newcastle 905-987-5819 Hampton 905-263-9988 FREE ESTIMATES Call Mike Bonneau Mobile: 905-435-4181 Home: 905-983-9005 6495 Leskard Rd., Orono L0B 1M0 Nails & More By Becky... 905-983-9883 32 Mill St., Orono 905·697·1900 * Residential * Farms * Rural Properties * Investment Rudy Kraayvanger www.homesmiths.ca 905-623-1101 www.kraco.ca