The following text may have been generated by Optical Character Recognition, with varying degrees of accuracy. Reader beware!

» % SLICED VERY THIN By Sixbits "No Matter How Thin You Slice It -- It's SUB Boloney Why these corporations and individuals keep on bringing suit against the Ontario Government is more than we can fathom, unless the lawyers are doing it for exercise- For the way Mr. Hepburn's Govt, acts reminds us very much of a boy who used to live in the village of our nativity. * * * (By the way we have just heard that the citizens of that village have put up a tablet on the house in which we were born. It reads "Main Street.") * * * Anyway this boy was a lot bigger--and huskier--than the rest of us kids, and bossed us around no little. And when playing baseball--or baseball--or what we fondly thought was baseball--he dearly loved to bat, and hated to field. * * * So the way he ensured a permanent turn at bat was like this- Whenever he was struck out, or caught out, or put out in any other wise, he would promptly stop the game and change the rules--making said change retroactive. And if any of the rest of us would protest he would threaten ns with a swell bust in the snoot. * * * If we remember he got away with these tactics for some considerable considerable time---in fact, till a new kid moved to town who turned out to be even tougher than he was. * * * After the fight which ensued, our batting-loving friend played the game strictly according to the old rules--and took his turn in the field just like the rest of us. * * * After almost a hundred years they have changed the rules, of the famous Diamond Sculls so that "artizans" as they phrase it are now allowed to mingle with and compete against "gentlemen." Formerly only those who had never soiled their hands with vulgar toil were allowed to take part in this sculling classic. * * * Which reminds us of the time when Lou Scholes went over to Henley to compete in this event--which he was good enough to win- But when he got there the question arose as to his status--whether, as the son of a hotel-proprietor--we suppose they said, ovah theah, "pub-keeper", he was fit to match oars against the Oxford and Cambridge Cambridge graduates who regularly won this event. * * * Somebody told old John L. Scholes--Lou's paternal parent--- about this trouble, saying that the English authorities were in doubt as to whether Lou was a workman or not. Said John L, "They can set their minds at ease, because^ I'm willing to take my oath he never did a stroke of work in all his life." * * * Just what one good and colorful performer can do to boost any sport--and especially the sport of wrestling--is shown Dy the way business has perked up since the appearance of this new Masked Marvel, or whatever they call him. * * * That Masked stuff is very ancient--in fact it was tried and tested tested around here till the public no longer took any interest. But this present mysterious stranger seems to have what it takes--in other words he can put on a show even without the aid of his disguise, with the result that once more the folks are flocking to the shows. * * * Wrestling, modernly, in Toronto started with such performers as Zbyszkos--real wrestlers if ever there were any--Renato Gardini : and several others whose names for the moment escape us. * * * But it wasn't till Ivan Mickailoff brought here that master showman--the showman--the unforgettable and unforgotten Stasiak--that the crowds started to bulge out the sides of the auditoriums. * * * Gus Sonneberg kept up theg ood work, and while probably neither he or Stasiak---from a standpoint of real skill--belonged in the first ranks, they had the color that makes the cash register jingle. * * * And when Gus the Goat lost his title, and Stasiak died, wrestling -hereabouts started to slip. It is true that Danno O'Mahoney drew big crowds for a while, but it got so that'even some of his compatriots began to notice that Danno's opponents weren't playing for keeps against him.. * * * The funny thing about it is that Danno is a far better wrestler now than he was when he was flailing all and sundry with his "Irish Whip"--but that's the way it goes. * * * Anyway, we are glad to see wrestling on the up-grade, because we have had plenty of fun at wrestling bouts, although we muse confess confess that we got far more pleasure sitting in the dressing room talking talking to the performers than; we ever did at the ringside watching them squirm and listening to them, grunt. *w DEEP DRAUGHT STEADY sms FRIDAY FROM MONTREAL to Plymouth, Havre and London «ASCANIA", "AURANIA" "ALAUNIA", "AUSQNIA" to Belfast, Liverpool and Glasgow «ANTONIA", «ANDANIA'5 «ATHENSA", «LETITIA'S Popular vessels, offering the #u» benefits of a sea voyage. Complete personal service to 'Ms»»? é|erÿ'pissenger. ■ A high standard' of àccommo- datlMInal!classes. A cuisine famous throughout ■ f - iMH% thl ' World. Fares that réprèsent substanV «ilèl'fln|â:m .travel.costs. Smiles and Chuckles Parmer -- "Yes, we've got all the new-fangled machinery there is. Our latest buy was two milking machines. City Miss -- "How interesting. But telll me, do they really give as good milk as the cows?" Cooper (at summer resort) -- "And when did you discover that you loved me?" Agnes -- "When I found out that you were the only unmarried man here." you Postman's Wife -- "Why Pa, look all tuckered out!" Postman -- "I sure am. I have been all over town looking for a guy named named 'Fragile'." Read It or Not! That lightning does not strike even twice in the same place is erroneous. It is of record that it struck five times within thirty minutest ZlTBay Street fiBlftifi'?471) Toronto -»• but thi) matt tv ft ■ i!<iitr.AealGgimt. ~ Salesman -- "I understand that you and your husband have both lost several several pounds since you bought one of our reducing, machines." 1 Customer -- "Yes, we've had to starve ourselves to keep up the payments payments on It." Employer -- "You haven't told me anything about the bridegroom, Man- ry. What is he like? Mnhdy -- "Why, ma'am, dat man never did show up. Issue No. 28--'37 B--l Unless he has the ambition to fit himself for a better job, he has not the ability to acceptably fill* the one he now has. I WILL SUCCEED '%/ If you keep your faith in me, Though life be like a stormy sea, And difficult my task may be -- E will succeed! If you will look with smiling eyes, Let days be dark with lowering skies And nights be fraught with weary sighs, I will succeed! If you speak a word of cheer, Though harassed oft by doubt and fear, An ugly failure hover near -- I will succeed! Grenville Kleiser. Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. "Let joy be unconfined," even if there are slip-ups here and there, Mandy had been given leave to attend attend her sister's wedding, and on her return entertained her employer with a full account of the proceedings. After After listening to a glowing description of the gowns, the wedding breakfast and the guests, Mandy's. employer said: Young Doctor -- "Say ah-h-h-. Sweet Young Thing -- "All right, I will say it, but remember, I don't mean it." Prom an exchange we clip: "It is suggested that movies be flashed on the ceiling in the work shop of dentists, dentists, and the minds of the patients may be distracted. The patients will furnish the'sound effects, it is assumed." assumed." Mary -- "Well, leap year passed and we're still single. Martha -- "Yes, but lap year is always always with us." The following letter was received by a firm that manufactures corn syrup, saying: "Deaf Sirs: Though .1 have used (six cans of your corn syrup, syrup, my feet are no better than they were before." Indignant Caller -- "What do you mean by saying in the paper that I looked quite nutty as 1 stood on the speaker's platform?" Reporter -- "Nutty? My dear sir, I am very sorry. I wrote 'natty." US* Gunboats Will Visit Exhibition Two United States gunboats will visit the Canadian National Exhibition Exhibition this year and from their anchorage anchorage off . the seawall will fire a salute in connection with the Warrior's Day Parade. The latter this years takes on added international aspect because of the attendance of numerous posts, of the American Legion with their bands and drum dorps from various points in the north-central area of the U. S. The naval secretary of the Department Department of National Defence had informed informed Exhibition authorities that the gun-boats will be the U.S.S. Wilmington, Wilmington, Capt. Anthony Nicklett, U.S.N. R-, and the U.S.S. Dubuque, Lt.-Commander Lt.-Commander Richard T. Broadhead, U.S. N.R. t t| 'V i 4 \ Whal figures, rates <j The prsj the geii cent yej riages, families! SSE, i Jus ii«® ho! Wh! ' tl p' s A K S ( ( ) il K Here Ever || J A brother io every other Scout; without Nearly 2,000 Rover Scouts assisted the London police in traffic control, during the Coronation. Their principal principal job was the erection and manning of "crush barriers" on side streets. * * * Just as it is "news when a man bites a dog," so is it "news" when a Boy Scout is found guilty of a crime, declared Magistrate S. B. Arnold, of Chatham, Ont., addressing the Scouts »of Blenheim. The magistrate stated that during his years on the bench he had never had a Scout before l)im charged with a misdemeanor. * * * The Cornwell Badge, Scouting's highest decoration, awarded for outstanding outstanding courage and cheerfulness under continued suffering in addition to other evidence of high character, and uninterrupted progress in Scout work, has been conferred upon Kang's Scout Buckwell Graha'm of the 14th Ottawa (St. Andrew's) Troop. Scout Graham, suddenly stricken with tuberculosis tuberculosis of the spine, has carried on cheerfully fbr over â year at the Royal Ottawa Sanatorium, for six, months in a cast which permitted only the moving of his hands, and since board! a hig| and t! patier receni Scout withs - fying 'Re] Inter) Scout! that Spain trolle ritorj Scout! other letter! Com n Scout! Scouts Tielpihg~tHe in the hospitals, looking after lost and orphaned children, turning over their- camping equipment for the use of refugees, arid otherwise "doing everything in their power to put into practice their Scout Promise to do •their duty to their country and help other people at all times." Jtl Evel athli ©the 1 anti! gent grcai most frottl Ask ,