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( 12 Ûrono Weekly Urnes, Wednesday, March ft. 2000 ) BASIC BLACK by Arthur Black TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY! So there I was, strolling through Victoria's beautiful Beacon Hill Park alongside my favourite herborizational botanist. (Okay, the only herborizational herborizational botanist I know - or have ever heard of. I Anyway, there we were, the two of us, meandering through the underbrush. I would point at a shrub and she would say lycium haliin ifoli- um. I would gesture at a huge towering tree. Juglans nigra, she would explain. Finally we came to a scraggly leafless shrub festooned with hundreds hundreds and hundreds of little white berries, "What's that?" I asked my herborizational botanist. "Indian Listerine" she replied. "Huh?" I parried. "Bite one" she said. I popped a berry in my mouth and chomped down - POW! - an explosion of tart, bitter tangi- ness filled my mouth. "Wow!" 1 said. "Tastes like... like..." "Mouthwash?" prompted my botanist, I nodded. She smiled and said "That's why we call it Indian Listerine." Imagine that. All my life I thought it was only us white folk who were neurotic about mouth odor. Turns out the aboriginals were 'way ahead of us. Call it halitosis, morning breath, jungle mouth - or you can call it money in the%ank. ' A lot of business interests make an awful whack of money out of our oral odor neurbsis. All those brands of chewing gum, breath mints, mouth washes' - all designed to convince us that we don't have bad breath after all. Some folks are never convinced. convinced. There is a medical condition known as delusional delusional halitosis, in which the victims victims are absolutely certain they have terribly noxious breath. Delusional halitosis sufferers have been known to give up their careers, convinced convinced that no one could stand to work with them. Others have even attempted attempted suicide. There is one famous case in which the patient brushed her teeth obsessively, continuously, until her gums bled. Nurses reported that she went through an entire tube of toothpaste in just four hours. What'S painfully ironic is the fact that most sufferers of delusional halitosis have' no perceptible breath odor at all. They just think they do. Well, they may be delighted delighted to learn about the latest, weapon in the anti-odor arse nal - especially if they're women. It's a creation from Elizabeth Arden Incorporated called Lip Lip Hooray. It's a lipstick that's infused with a mint-flavored breath freshener and zinc citrate - a chemical that neutralizes sulfur sulfur compounds that contribute to breath odor. Can't you just hear the TV ads, already? "New Lip Lip Hooray - it'll take your breath away!" For a price of course. Lip Lip Hooray lipstick is on sale in select New York boutiques right now. It's selling like hot- cakes - and it'll only, set you back about $22 a tube. Which would buy an awful lot of Chlorets. Personally, I think I'll stick with Indian Listerine. It's even cheaper. It's important to keep a sense of perspective when it comes to bad breath. Even the best of us can suffer from it. Why, I once knew an Indian yogi who spurned almost everything the material world had to offer. He wore nothing but a large white robe; ate .less than a chickadee - didn't even have a, MasterCard: Living on little more than nuts and berries, he was quite thin - frail even. Except for his feet. Going barefoot even through the winter, had hardened his feet considerably with a thick layer of callouses. Now you would think a man who lived such a pure life would be free of earthly afflictions, would you not? Alas, I am sad to relate, my yogi friend suffered from a pretty fierce case of jungle mouth. Which made him, well... Kind of a super-calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis. The Corporation of the Municipality of Clarington notice to our residents 2000 DOG AND CAT LICENCES Effective immediately, Clarington dog and cat licences will be sold door to door by Mark Stewart, who has been contracted by the Municipality, will provide identification to show that he is authorized to sell licences on behalf of the Municipality. The Clarington Animal Services By-law requires that all dogs and cats be licenced each year. Responsible pet ownership is encouraged with reductions in the licence fee for neuter/spay, rabies vaccine and micro-chipping We are able to retüm dogs and cats to their owners with a simple telephone call if the animal is wearing a tag. Please protect your pet by purchasing a 2000 licence! If you require any further information, please contact our Clarington Animal Shelter at (905) 623-7651. g MUNICIPALITY OF ( *\larintjton --_ ONTARIO Publication Dates - March 8, 2000 P.O. # 6588 Northcutt Elliott Funeral Home THOUGHTFULNESS, SERVICE & CONCERN A Family Owned Business, Offering: Traditional Funeral Services Pre-arranged & Prepaid Services - Cremation Arrangements Alternatives to Traditional Funerals - Out of Town Shipping CORY KUIPERS - PRESIDENT 53 Division Street Bowmanville, Ontario L1C 2Z8 623-5668 OFF STREET PARKING MARKFTPI AHF y?! m. : I v ■ : : 7 : "Advertise Across Ontario or Across (he Country' '■ ECONO-DOLLAR L2-3 welcomes Robert Regimbald, Director Director of franchise services in Quebec, replacing Andre (Andy)Duchesnay. Franchise information, phone Nancy: 1- 250-388-0123 ext. 21. www.dollarstores.com. BUSINESS OPPS. COLLECT CASH! Coke, Pepsi, Frito Lay, Mars; Re-fill unique vendors in your area. F/T, P/t. No selling. Min. investment $13,980. 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