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Ororo Weekly Times. Wednesday. August 30, 2000 - 5 ARTHUR BLACK WHERE THERE'S A WILL Made out your will yet? Didn't think so - me neither. Still, it's something to think about. You want to make sure you've done all the paperwork and looked after your family, your friends, your favourite charities arid institutions. And..'.oh yes...your enemies. enemies. They don't call it LAST will and testament for nothing. nothing. The piece of paper you leave behind is your very last chance to kick sand in the face of those who have plagued and perplexed you in this life. You and I are, of course, above such petty vengeance. But others have taken full advantage of the chance to taste the sweet sorbet of revenge from beyond the grave. * Such as? Well, such as Herman Oberweiss, a Texas farmer who passed away in 1934. But not before he informed his executors exactly exactly how he wanted his estate to be disposed of: "I don't want my brother Oscar to get a thing I got" wrote Herman, "I want it that Hilda my sister she gets the north sixty acres.. .1 bet she don't get that loafer husband of hers to brake twenty acres before next planting... " Beyond the grave retribution retribution goes back farther than the. dirty thirties. Away back in the 17th century, Phillip, the f:flh_ Earl of Pembroke, wittingly wittingly and searingly took care of a couple of would-be inheritors: inheritors: "1 give nothing to my Lord Saye, and I do make him this legacy willingly, knowing that he will faithfully distribute it unto the poor. I give to the Lieutenant- General Cromwell one of my, words...which he must want, seeing that h,e hath never kept ' any of his own." A century later, another Englishman by the name of Edward Wortley Montagu insured in his will that the British Stiff upper lip maintained maintained its keenly honed edge: To Sir Robert Warpole I gave my political opinions, never doubting he can well turn them into cash, who has always found such an excellent excellent market in which to change his own. My cast-off habit of swearing swearing oaths I give to Sir Leopold D., in consideration that no oaths have ever been able to bind him yet. Some last-wili-and-testa- menters don't reserve their pot shots for individuals, they go for entire classes. Or even genders. Such as Mister T.M. Zink, a Ml-time crank and world-class misogynist lawyer in Iowa, who, on his deathbed in 1934, left an endowment to fund the "Zink Womanless Library". Zink stipulated that each entrance would be flagged with a NO WOMEN ALLOWED sign, and that "no books, works of Art or decorations by women" would be permitted within the perimeter. Lest anyone misunderstand, misunderstand, Zink explained "My intense hatred of women is not of recent origin or development development nor based upon any personal differences...but is the result of my experiences with women, observations of them and study of all, literatures literatures and philosophical works." Be that as it may, Mister Zink's will was overturned. There is no Zink Womanless Library and Mister Zink is no doubt rotating in his grave. , Wearing, I like to think, pink lace underwear and a black garter belt. Canadians, too have indulged in Revenge from Beyond The Grave. Witness the last will and testament of one William Dunlop^--resident of southern Ontario back in the m id-19th century : "I leave my silver tankard to the eldest son of Old John, as the representative of the family. I would have left it to Old John, himself, but he would melt it down and make COLLISION REPAIR PROFESSIONALS Fred Devries Proprietor FRED'S AUTOBODY LTD. Estimates • Repairs • Restorations 163 Baseline Road, Unit 1 Bowmanville, Ontario L1C 3L4 Tel: (905) .623-6353 Fax: (905) 623-3913 temperance medals and that would be a sacrilege.... I leave Pardon Chavasse the snuff box t got from the Sarnia Militia? as a small token of gratitude for the service he has done my family family in taking a sister that no man of taste would have taken." I don't know a whole lot about William Dunlop, aside from his last will and testament, testament, but based on that, I think I'd have been glad to stand him to a Kokanee lager to fill that silver tankard. Euchre Results NEWTONV1LLE EUCHRE RESULTS for Friday, August 25 Highs: 1 ) Hilda Caswell - 84, 2) Myrtle Alldred - 80, 3) Dolores Comar - 77, 4) Marie Couroux - 76, 5) Percy Jakeman - 76, 6) Elaine Doty - 73. Draws: 1) Doreen Green, 2) Olive Little, 3) Ron Burley 4) Eileen O'Hara, 5) Gwen Nesbitt In I E Northcutt Elliott Funeral Home THOUGHTFULNESS, SERVICE & CONCERN A Family Owned Business, Offering: Traditional Funeral Services Pre-arranged & Prepaid Services - Cremation Arrangements Alternatives to Traditional Funerals - Out of To wn Shipping CORY KUIPERS - PRESIDENT 53 Division Street Bowmanville, Ontario LI G 2Z8 i 623-5668 OFF STREET PARKING THERE WILL BE A HOT TIME IN THE VILLAGE TODAY The Ofono D.B.1.A is sponsoring its annual Saturday, September 23 Judging to take place at 2 p.m. 'Judges Award" as well as "Peoples Ckoice Award ^ ill Are Welcome 'Arrive early for first pick of cooking locations (you might want to he upwind) e your own stand (and your own Pepcid A.C, TUM.S Rolaids, etc.) and a stove that can he extinguished, or turned oh --- e.g. gas hhq, propane. • Quantity of Chili =1 gallon without heans, or 2 gallons with heans. • All of the Chili preparation and cooh- ' in g is to tahe placé on the main street. The only preparation allowed at home is pre-soah of heans. • Beano is optional depending on your personal sense of humour. • All classes of Chili are considered equal, Texas Chili, Canadian Chili,Vegetarian Chili, etc. Participants needed lor die Great Chili CooK~OII (all The Orono Weekly Times at983-5301