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( Omno Weekly Times, Wednesday, October 4, 2000 - 9 (continued from page 8) somebody's bound to say: "So, does that mean that you get your newspapers for free?" That's right, buddy. All I have to do is hang around down at the newspaper office for forty hours a week and I can save myself a quarter. It's not just my job. I have a friend who spends a lot of times surfing those chat groups on the Internet. That's where anonymous nerds all over the Web log on to type their thoughts on some topic of the day. Last week the topic was 'What's the most common question you get about your job?' As a columnist, I get off lightly. A Canada Post employee logged on to say that he's constantly constantly asked if he gets free stamps as one of the perks of the job. (Only if he steams them off the envelopes, like the rest of us.) A guy who delivers packages packages for FedEx says he'll go Postal if he hears one more recipient say: "That package is for me? Eeeewwww, what's in it?" (Well, Madame, my X-ray vision tells me...) Teachers regularly get asked how they can put up with a room full of restless teenage hormones day after day. A funeral home director said he was sick to death of telling curious people that no, he's never seen a corpse come back to life. Anyone whose job encompasses encompasses even a hint of hanky panky is bound to attract lecherous lecherous queries. A massage therapist says she is frequently frequently asked if any customers 'get aroused' when she's working on them. She invariably replies deadpan "Occasionally...but there's a really painful pressure point for that." And a woman who works in one of those one-hour photo-processing booths is always being asked if she gets nude photos to develop. Her answer? Oh, yeah. "I have seen 'way mote of my customers customers than I care to." But it's the attempts at comedy that really do employees in, There's an attendant at the Metro Toronto Zoo who's responsible responsible for. cleaning out the elephant elephant enclosures. He says that at least once a month some rubbemecker will come by, see him pushing a broom across the cage floor and call out "Say, what kind of elephant elephant are you?" Har har. Reminds me of a story about another pachyderm apprentice who stopped off at a bar for a brew after work one night. The guy on the next stool took a sniff, looked at him and said "No offense, pal -- but you really stink!" "I know," said the zoo worker sadly: "It's because of my job. I'm with the elephant act in the circus. Before each phant an enema so that we don't have any accidents on stage. It's tricky business. I have to administer it quickly and them jump back. And sometimes I don't move fast "Wow," said the guy on the next stool. "How much do they pay you to do a lousy job like that?" "Eighty-five bucks a week" said the man cheerfuk iy- "You gotta be kidding. Why don't you quit?" "What?" retorted the man, "and get out of show business?" business?" show I have to give the ele- enough." The Community With Future THE CORPORATION OF THE MUNICIPALITY OF CLARINGTON NOTICE OF PUBLIC MEETING - HIGHWAY CLOSINGS ROAD ALLOWANCE IN LOT 1, BETWEEN CONCESSIONS 1 & 2, FORMER CLARKE TOWNSHIP (UNOPENED) TAKE NOTICE THAT the Counci l of the Corporation of the Municipality of Claringtori, at the meeting to be held, in the Council Chambers, 40 Temperance Street, Bowmanville, Ontario, on Monday, October 16, 2000, at 7:00 p.m., proposes to pass a by-law to stop up and close and authorize the conveyance of part of the unopened road allowance between Concessions 1 and 2 in Lot 1, in the former Township of Clarke, now in the Municipality of Clarington, and described as follows: , Part of the unopened road allowance between Concession 1 and 2, in Lot 1,. former Township of Clarke, Municipality of Clarington in the Regional Municipality of Durham AND FURTHER TAKE NOTICE THAT before passing the said by-law, Courfcil or a Committee of Council shall hear in person, or by his Counsel, Solicitor or Agent, any person who claims that his land, will be prejudicially affected by this bylaw bylaw and who applies to be heard. , ■ INTERSECTION OF OLD KINGSTON ROAD AND PRESTON V ALE ROAD, COURTICE TAKE NOTICE THAT the Council of the Corporation of the Municipality of Clarington, at the meeting to be held, in the Council Chambers, 40 Temperance Street, Bowmanville, Ontario, on Monday, October 16 th , 2000, at 7:00 p.m., proposes to pass a by-law to stop up and close a portion of Old Kingston Road being the intersection of Old Kingston Road and Prestonvale Road in Lot 33, Concession 2, in the former Township of Darlington now in the Municipality of Clarington, and described as follows: Part of the road known as Old Kingston Road being the intersection at Old Kingston Road and Prestonvale Road in Concession 2, Lot 33, former Township of Darlington, Municipality of Clarington in the Regional Municipality of Durham. AND FURTHER TAKE NOTICE THAT before passing the said by-law, Council or a Committee of Council shall hear in person, or by his Counsel, Solicitor or Agent, any person who claims that his land be prejudicially affected by this by-law and who applies to be heard. HUNT STREET, BOWMANVILLE (UNOPENED) TAKE NOTICE THAT the Council of the Corporation of the Municipality of Clarington, at the meeting to be held, in the Council Chambers, 40 Temperance Street, Bowmanville, Ontario, on Monday, October 16 th , 2000, at 7:00 p.m., proposes to pass a by-law to stop up and close and authorize the conveyance of part of the unopened road allowance' known as - Hunt Street in Part of Lot 11, Broken Front Concession, formerly the Town of Bowmanville, Municipality of Clarington, and described as follows: Part of the unopened road allowance known as Hunt Street in Part of Lot 11, Broken Front Concession, former Town of Bowmanville, Municipality of Clarington in the Regional Municipality of Durham. AND FURTHER TAKE NOTICE THAT passing the said by-law, Council or a Committee of Council shall hear in person, or by his Counsel, Solicitor or Agent, any person who claims that his land will be prejudicially affected by this by-law and who applies to be heard. Patti L. Barrie, A.M.C.T., Town Clerk Municipality of Clarington 40 Temperance Street Bowmanville, Ontario L1C3A6 Dates to be published; September 20, 27, October 4, ONTARIO 2000