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8 - Ornno Weekly Times, Wednesday. October 11 2000 » BASIC BLACK ARTHUR BLACK HE FICKLE FINGER OF FATE The Bonfire of . the Vanities, a novel by Tom Wolfe, is the story of one man's downfall through incredibly bad luck. In 690- odd pages, Sherman McCoy goes from being a Wall Street-cruising, Park Avenue dwelling multi-millionaire stockbroker to - a disgraced and vilified pauper, facing an endless procession of legal battles. Near the end of the novel, a reporter stops him as he's going into a courtroom for yet another round and asks him if he has any advice for the public. McCoy looks at the reporter through red- rimmêd eyes and says "Yeah. Never, ever fall afoul of the American justice system." I'm sure Peg B argon would second that emotion. Ms. Bargon is - or rather was - a quiet, unassuming house : wife living in the suburbs of Monticello, Illinois when Life decided Ip throw her a knuck- leball. It started innocently enough, with a phone call from a local PR person for the Democratic Party. Hillary Clinton Was coming through Illinois on a speaking tour and they wanted to present the First Lady with a little memento. Which is where Peg Bargon came in. Peg makes handicrafts as a hobby - paperweights, shell necklaces, necklaces, that sort of thing - would she have anything in her studio that would be appropriate? Peg had just the thing - a handcrafted dream catcher - a small hoop decorated with feathers, beads and pebbles, which, according to native legend, can ward off evil spirits. spirits. ' The PR person was delighted; Peg was paid; the dreamcatcher was given to a visibly pleased . Hillary Clinton. A happy ending to a minor story. Right up until Pèg Bargon looked up from her living, room couch a week later to see federal agents coming through the front door, waving waving search warrants in one hand and pistols in the other. They ransacked her house. They turned her craft studio upside down. They booked her, fingerprinted her, grilled her for hours and even hooked her up to a lie detector. Her crime? Feather-napping. Feather-napping. The feather in the dreamcatcher that had been given to the First Lady came from a Golden Eagle. Commercial use of such a feather is a direct violation of US Migratory Bird law and a felony offense. Sterling detective work - except for the fact that Peg's five-year-old son had picked the feather up off the ground during a visit to the zoo. Not that the Fed's believed that. They were convinced they were uncovering a large-scale bird-poaching operation. Well, okay. Mistakes happen happen and lines of communication communication get tangled. But how long could it take a savvy bunch of professional law officers to realize that a smalltown smalltown houseffau who does folk art on the side is not, in fact, a member of some international underground smuggling cartel? cartel? In Peg Bargon's case, five years. And counting. The Feds have not apologized or withdrawn the charges. In fact, by threatening to lay felony charges and put her in jail they've managed to pressure pressure Peg Bargon into pleading pleading guilty. So far it's cost her nearly $15,000 in legal fees and there's no end in sight. ' Well, maybe there is. On the advice of her lawyer, Peg Bargon is going after the Oval Office. She wants Bill Clinton to grant her a presidential presidential pardon. It would add a kind of ironic symmetry to the case - since it was a gift to the President's wife that initiated the nightmare.Of course presidential presidential pardons don't grow on trees. There's a lot of paperwork involved. Peg has to fill out some 300 pages of forms in triplicate, not to mention statements, affidavits - about 300 pages worth in all.And oh yes - she'll need to submit to a 'background check' by the, FBI.rU bet Peg wishes she'd kept that dreamcatcher. She needs protection from evil spirits 'way more than Hillary does. railroad show The show consists of 14 operating layouts from all over Central Ontario, static displays, craftsman comer with modelling displays and approximately 70 model railroad railroad sales tables with new and used products. If you wish to see and learn what the hobby of model railroading is all about or are looking for bargains, be sure to stop by the Soper Valley Model Railroad Fourteenth Annual Model Railroad Show at the Bowmanville High School, 49 Liberty St. North, Bowmanville, on October 14 and 15, 2000. The show will be open from 11 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. on Saturday, October 14 and from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. on Sunday, October 15. Adults $3.00, Senior $2.00, Child $2 and Family $6.00. IT PAYS TO ADVERTISE IN THE ORONO WEEKLY TIMES 983-5301 Northcutt Elliott Funeral Home THOUGHTFULNESS, SERVICE & CONCERN A Family Owned Business, Offering: Traditional Funeral Services Pre-arranged & Prepaid Services - Cremation Arrangements Alternatives to Traditional Funerals - Out of Town Shipping CORY KU1PERS - PRESIDENT 53 Division Street 623-5668 Bowmanville, Ontario L1C 2Z8 OFF STREET PARKING IT PAYS TO ADVERTISE INTHE ORONO WEEKLY TIMES 983-5301 You have 3 employees. 2 computers. An office on Main Street. You're huge. We Salute Small Business Throughout October. When it • comes to an impact -on our economy, small business is big indeed. Approximately 80% of all new jobs are created by small business. Since 1995, there have been 749*000 new jobs created in Ontario and even more jobs will be generated by increasing trade and exports. ■ The Ontario government has reduced red ' tape, cut personal income tax and payroll tax and is committed to doing mçre to help small business.' ' To find out more about how Ontario ■is helping small business grow, visit Ontario's Small Business Web page today at, www.ontario-canada.com/ smallbusiness Ontario Small Business. Big Success.