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Orono Weekly Times, Wednesday, November 28, 2001 - 11 BASIC BLACK Academic achievers Katie Adams (front), Lisa Lunn (1), Katie Knapp and Patrick Dewell all won overall honours, and several awards at Clarke High School's Academic Awards night. Clarke High School held their annual Academic Awards last Wednesday evening. The awards are held to recognize the academic achievements of its undergraduate students in grades 9, 10 and 11. Over eighty students received certificates for maintaining maintaining a cumulative average of at least 80% over two semesters. Several community awards were presented, including the Newcastle Lions Club award SUBSCRIBE for the highest mark in Grade 11 Geography, which was presented presented to Erin Currie. The Pauline Storks award for the highest mark in Grade 11 history history was won by Andrea Pears. The Bowmanville Branch Royal Canadian Legion Award for the highest standing in Grade 10 English went to Patrick Dewell. The plaque for the highest overall average in Grade nine was awarded to- Katie Knapp. Kienan Williams was honoured honoured for the highest overall average in Grade 10. A reception hosted by the Clarke school council followed followed the awards ceremony. Virus Alert! Arthur Black Regular readers of this column column will be aware that the writer is not a huge fan of the personal computer. Oh, 1 use one, alright -- have for at least the last decade. I've gone toe to toe with Ms Dos and WordPerfect and Microsoft Word. I've wrestled with Eudora and GroupWise mid other murky programs the names of which mercifully escape me, but I've never been thrilled about it. In fact, I frequently frequently entertain fantasies of ripping mine from it's moorings moorings and hauling it, wires and cables a-dangle, to the top of a cliff, then seeing how far I can shot-put the mother. There are many reasons for my hostility towards computers: computers: those smirky, smart-ass messages that pop up unbidden unbidden on my screen; the infuriating infuriating - and inscrutable 'prompts' that irregularly blindside me: THIS PROGRAM HAS PERFORMED PERFORMED AN ILLEGAL OPERATION AND WILL BE SHUTDOWN. The plethora of passwords that I must type in and update - folks, I don't work for CSIS. I don't have any secrets worth hiding. Just open the damned program! And the virus alerts. Eveiy few days I go through the ritual ritual of typing in my user name (which I invariably Confuse with my password and vice versa) only to be greeted by a billboard advising me that, while I slept, all my files were 'inoculated' against new viruses. viruses. In order to carry on, I have to shut everything down and start over. And also, about three times a week, I get emails from strangers advising me of a * JUST MOVED! * NEW BABY BRIDE Call Sharia today! 983-8230 WELCOME WAGON Since 1930 SteeMAew fr C {o 'drlâtmaâ 2d, • Buffet or Full Menu • Licenced by LLBO Call for reservations 905-983-5001 The New Dutch Oven OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK from 8am to 9pm 5gj3 \^Hwy 115/35 at Taunton Roacf^Oronoj_90S-983-500j^ "virus alert". These missives breathlessly inform me that there is a new cyberspatial contagion afoot - one that's infinitely cagier and nastier than anything seen before. About three days after receiving the alert I get another another email from the same source telling me to relax, that the whole virus scare was a hoax. Now there's a real loser for you -- some geek who sits around inventing MYTHICAL viruses. 1 dismissed the whole virus/hoax/new virus/new hoax phenomenon as farcical and meaningless. At least until I received the "Bad Times" alert. Folks, this one is obviously for real. I don't know who sent it to me, but I thank them - and I pass it on to you with the fervent hope that it isn't too late: "If you receive an email entitled entitled 'Bad Times,' delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on all of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CDs you attempt to play. It will program program your phone speed-dial to call only 900 numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze in your fish tank. It will drink all your beer. For God's sake are you listening? It will leave dirty underwear underwear on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Rogaine, all the while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card. It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is fim only until someone loses an eye. It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your actives e verbs to passive tense and incorporating undetectable undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations interpretations of key sentences. If the 'Bad Times' message is opened in a windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the 'forbidden' 'forbidden' tags from y^ur mattresses and pillows, it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk. Warn as many people as you can! And if you don't send this to 5,000 people in the next 20 seconds you will fart so hard that your right leg will spasm and shoot straight out in front of you dislocating the knee of your spouse or coworker.". coworker.". Finally. A virus alert that makes sense. from Memory Lane Calendars A wonderful Christmas gift idea! Personalized calendars made from your 12 favourite photos Now available at the Orono Weekly Times 5310 Main St., Orono • (905) 983-5301 To view a sample calendar, drop by our office. Order forms can be picked up or, dropped off weekdays 8 to 5. Orders ready for pickup in 10 days. $24.95 for first calendar-save 20% oh any additional copies (using same photos).