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8 - Orono Weekly Times Basic Black by Arthur Black Smile! You're on candid radar Ah, the joys of the open road. Is there anything that can beat tooling down the open highway on an autumn afternoon, afternoon, with a Van Morrison disc in the CD player, the birds a- twittering, the wind running through what's left of your hair... The scenery unspools majestically to port and starboard, starboard, gracious firs and cedars whip by...a flash of lake...a half-dozen or so scruffy highway highway maintenance workers leaning leaning on shovels and rakes, one of them pointing a radar gun... A radar gun???? That's right, sucker. Those maintenance workers are coppers coppers in disguise and you are about to be busted. This new breed of undercover undercover flatfoot may not appear as a highway maintenance crew. Sometimes they pretend to be golfers, searching for lost balls. The purpose is the same: to disarm and deceive the speeding motorist and nail him good. If you've got a heavy foot when you pass these guys, rest assured that around the next corner or just over the next hill, a uniformed police officer ^ will be waiting to flag you down, tell you off and write you up. Is this cricket? Hey, if you break the law by speeding, you've got no grounds for complaint complaint when you're nabbed. There's nothing illegal about cops using camouflage to catch speeders. But it is undeniably sneaky. Used to be that cops at least gave you a sporting chance. I remember the early days of photo radar vans in Ontario, when radio stations would broadcast some of the radar locations during the morning rush hour. A self-defeating move? Hell, no. The broadcast warnings caused thousands of radio-listening drivers to slow down when they got near the radar location. The fuzz may have handed out fewer tickets, but they reined in the overall traffic flow. Police try all kinds of schemes to outwit speeders. Have you notice the proliferation proliferation of cameras at stoplights English & Western Lessons Horses Boarded Team Cattle Penning Horses for Sale DAVID & SANDRA DALZELL 7334 Brown Rd, Orono, ON LOB 1M0 • www.lakeviewequestrian.ca T. 905-983-5307 • F. 905-983-6112 • E. riding@lakeviewequestrian.ca and intersections? That'll slow a speeder down, even if there's no film in the camera. In Maine, they used to park empty police cars on highway medians, medians, but speeders aren't dummies. dummies. They cottoned on to the trooperless cruiser gambit pretty pretty quick. Of course, even when a policeman hauls a speeding car over, he's still got a major hurdle hurdle to clear. He's got to outfox the smartass at the wheel. And some of us can be fairly fairly wily. I know a guy who kept a mummified bumblebee in the car ash tray. When a cop pulled him over for speeding, he'd put the bee on the dashboard, wait for the cop to come to his window window and explain that he was driving fast because he'd been trying to swat this bee that had been flying around his head. Worked like a charm until one officer took a closer look at the insect. "Sir, your bee has dust on its wings," he said. But the cops don't always win. I'm reminded of the guy who pulled over my pal Ernie one afternoon. The conversation, conversation, according to Ernie, went something like this: Officer: License and registration, registration, please. Ernie: I don't have a license. It was revoked after my third DWI. Officer: May I see the registration? registration? Ernie: It's not my car. I stole it. Officer: This is a stolen car? Ernie: That's right, but I think the registration is in the glove compartment. I saw it when I was putting my .38 in there. Officer: There's a gun in the glove compartment? Ernie: Yes sir. I put it there after I shot the car owner and stuffed his body in the trunk. Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK? Ernie: Right on. At this point the officer backs away from the car with his gun drawn and radios for backup. Three squad cars come screaming up and box in the car. The supervising sergeant Wednesday, September 22, 2004 approaches the driver's window window and asks, once again for Ernie's driver's license. Ernie hands it to him. Ditto for the registration. The car is in Ernie's name. The sergeant orders Ernie to slowly, with his left hand, open the glove compartment. compartment. There's no gun in it. He tells Ernie to pop the trunk. No body. The sergeant says, "I don't get it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you were unlicensed, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box and a body in the trunk." Ernie says, ."Yeah, and I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding too!" yit <pt Uw, tctiit wow. In School Mentor by Warren McCarthy Sometimes my grandkids are happy to see me. Often, they are too busy and having too much fhn to notice my arrival. As an Tn School Mentor' for Big Brothers and Sisters, my mentee at Orono Public School is always happy to see me when I show up each week. It is flattering to think that he really enjoys the next hour we spend together, but it may have something to do with the break he gets from being in class. An Tn School Mentor' is not a quasi-teacher or quasi-parent, but a grown-up friend who provides an hour of one-on-one focus each week for a child who benefits from the attention. Mentors include college students, workers, homemakers and retired folk like me. For new mentors, Big Brothers and Sisters provides a good orientation, valuable suggestions and an 'activities box at the school. Unless I influence the choice of activities, we spend the weekly hour as my mentee wishes, including board games, gym time, computer stuff, puzzles, crafts, drawing and talking. Seeing the world once a week through the eyes of my mentee is interesting, stimulating and fun. A great bonus is the treat of being in the positive, bubbly, high-energy environment of a school full of kids. For people interested in the Tn School Mentor' program, Big Brothers and Sisters of Clarington is hosting an open house at their Bowmanville office (905-623-6646) at 6:30 on October 19. Perhaps I'll see you there. DURHAM REGION DURHAM REGION RECYCLES! glass jars & bottles milk & juice cartons plastic tubs & lids cardboard & boxboard household papers & newspaper metal food & drink containers all plastic bottles with a twist top aerosol cans & metal paint cans For more information on Durham Region's Blue Box program, please phone 1-800-667-5671 or e-mail: recycling@region-durham-on.ca Visit our website at www.region.durham.on.ca