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12 - Orono Weekly Times Basic Black by Arthur Black Danger! Teddy bears ahead Fear is essential. It is like a drug. Fear makes you think you will die. For that reason each moment has intensity. It is a kind of purification. So spake a man who should know a thing or two about fear. Those are the words of Luis Miguel Dominguin, one of Spain's most famous bullfighters. bullfighters. Anyone who makes a living living coaxing razor sharp horns backed by 800 kilos of angry, galloping bull past his nether reaches is someone who simply has to know the meaning of fear. Some would call that brave; others would call it fool hardy. I call it a copout. It's all very well for Dominguin to face down a fighting bull but you'll notice that never once in his long career did he take on that most bloodthirsty and man-hating creature of the wild. Yes, friends. I'm talking about the teddy bear. Statistical fact: each year, more human beings are killed by teddy bears than by grizzly bears. How? Let me count the ways. Kids choke on those cute button eyes and loose tufts of fur. Besides--who knows where that teddy bear's been? Nursery school? ' In Fido's mouth? Viruses and bacteria can piggy back into your house on teddy's, pelt and lay the whole family low with infections infections various and sundry. I didn't discover the teddy bear's toxic secret--a writer by the name of Laura Lee did. She's just published a book entitled 100 Most Dangerous Things in Everyday Life and What You Can Do About Them. What's really riveting about Lee's book is the revelation that when it comes to life-threatening life-threatening agents in your life it's the little things you need to keep an eye on. It's the teddy bears, not the Iberian toros that will do you in. Typically, humans concentrate concentrate on the big picture and walk right into the open manhole. manhole. We go all white-knuckled at the prospect of boarding an airplane, but we're more likely to die in our own car driving down to Starbucks. We're paranoid paranoid about getting AIDS from a blood transfusion, but we're 30 times more likely to get struck by lighting than to be jabbed by a tainted hypodermic. Afraid of being mugged? You're far more likely to mug yourself by slipping slipping on the bath mat in your own bathroom. And while you're in the bathroom--careful bathroom--careful with the toothbrush, eh? Hospital emergency rooms treat more than 2500 people each year for injuries sustained while brushing their teeth. Always the little things. What sort of little things? Oh, books. Doctor's neckties. Underwear. Books are bad. ERs routinely routinely handle more book casualties Classified Business Directory Graphic & Website Design Business Cards Logos, Brochures Newsletters, Ads Modest Websites Flyers, Forms... 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Ilii! it I , | ii lit | iii IliliSi I: lllllli fi® y liiiiiiililiPl hi | * 'Il li!!| ORONO LUMBER l« Personalized Project Planning Since 1935 85 Station Street Orono, ON LOB Bus: 905-983-9167 Fax: 905-983-9467 I&T Carpenters • Licensed • 27 Years Experience • Custom Homes • General Contracting • Additions • House TYim • Stairs • Decks •Windows «Doors • Barns And all carpentry - related work. IVAN JONES TONY FANARA Orono 905-983-5303 Hampton 905-263-9988 Newcastle Roll-Off Bin Service For Renovation, Clean-Up and Metals Call for prices Transfer Station Mon.-Fri. 8-5 Saturday 8 -12 December 3rd II* iilil H'i In' III |j|l|il Don's Auto Shop For complete & expert repairs to all makes and models D.O.T. INSPECTION CENTRE 195 King St E, Bowmanville Donny Lucyk 905-623-3737 II H mi l III Orono Cemetery Co. - Since 1880 - Remembering the past... Honouring the future. • Planning • Inquiries • Plot & Niche Sales • Rental of Chapel for Services For more information call 905-983-5908 or 905-983-9571 B in mm is our 21st Anniversary. In appreciation of our customers 1* take advantage of our sjreciaf Christmas Centrmece ~ $21.00 c&c Join us for Hot Apple Cider t December 1st to the 4th. Apple Blossom Shop 1 '800-326-2184 Orono 905^983^9155 Oshawa 905'433^2 515 www.appleblossomflowers .com Clarington Beech Centre 26 Beech Ave,, Bowmanville Modern Facility Historical Setting Weddings, Banquets, Meetings (30 to 250 people) Self-catering kitchen, CHATTERTON ELECTRIC RESIDENTIAL • COMMERCIAL • INDUSTRIAL POLE LINE CONSTRUCTION Dave Chatterton Orono, Ontario Tel: 905-983-6646 If no answer: 906-983-6940 Wednesday, December 1 1 2004 / than many sports injuries. In Britain more people are hurt by books each year (2,707) than by training weights (1,884). And it's no better on this side of the pond. Karen Miller of the American Library Association says "From, working with books for many years, I could offer up things like broken toes when books fall, losing one's balance when reaching for books and repetitive stress from shelving them." And who hasn't hasn't ripped open à finger on a loose staple on a magazine spine? Or thrown out their back lugging a box of National Geographies down to the basement? basement? We better hope that A1 Qaeda keeps fixating on nuclear hardware and bio-weapons. If the terrorists ever twig to the destructive potential of a Tom Clancy novel, we're cooked. And neckties. Next time you're in for a medical checkup, be sure to ask for a doctor who's not wearing a necktie. necktie. Medicos see a lot of gross and grotty (not to mention infectious) stuff in a working day and sometimes they have to get up close and personal. You never know where that necktie dangled last. 'Nuff said. And if you don't think underwear is a potential human threat than you haven't been keeping up with your U.K. Department of Trade and Industry Bulletins. Last year, the Department reported reported more than 400 underwear-related mishaps ranging from two London women who were electrocuted when a bolt of lightning coursed through the metal wiring in one of their bras to an unfortunate chap who sustained a fracture fracture and ligament damage when his left middle finger became entangled in the bra strap of his overly enthusiastic paramour. British Prime Minister Harold Macmillan once sagely observed "to be alive at all involves some risk". How right he was-- even if you don't mess with bras. By the way, that bullfighter I mentioned? mentioned? Luis Miguel Dominguin? Retired from the bullring after a 36-year career. Died in his sleep in his seventies. 100 Most Dangerous Dangerous Things in Everyday Everyday Life and What You Can Do About Them. Published by Broadway Books.