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8 - Orono Weekly Times Wednesday, June 1, 2005 Basic Black by Arthur Black Customer: Waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup! Waiter: Hmmm. Looks like the backstroke, sir. All corny joking aside, put yourself in Denny Lynch's Hush Puppies. You're a young management type living in San Jose, California and, by and large, your personal universe is unfolding as it should. You're happily married. Your car starts every time you turn the igni tion key. The restaurant you operate - a Wendy's outlet - is a popular one. You're full up most nights with lots of enthusiastic enthusiastic regulars. More than a few of them even make a point of coming up to the cash register and telling you how much they , liked their meals. Then comes the evening of March 22nd, 2005. A woman at table 13 is causing a ruckus. She is demanding to see the manager. Well, it happens. Sometimes a burger is underdone, or the coleslaw is missing. Occasionally the coffee is lukewarm instead of piping hot. But it's different this time. The woman is white-faced and she is coughing and retching and pointing disgustedly towards her unfinished bowl of Wendy's chili. More specifically she is pointing at a brownish, eraser-sized morsel sitting sitting on the plate beside her chili bowl. It looks like it could be a chunk of meat or maybe a sprig of celery, except for one thing. It has a long, manicured manicured fingernail attached attached to it. It's a portion of a severed human finger. And the customer is claiming that she found it the hard way - by chomping into it. Oh, and she says one other thing, between her gasps for breath. She says she's suing. And sue she does. Anna Ayala, aged 39, of Las Vegas, hires herself a lawyer and files a multi-million dollar claim against JEM Management Group, which owns the Wendy's franchise where she... ate. Naturally, the story goes global. There's something about tales of body parts in fast food that tickles the morbid funny bone of news reporters. 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They give the whole staff Voice Stress Analysis tests to discover discover if any of them are lying. They hire a fleet of private investigators to track down the person who used to be attached to the finger. They trace all their chili ingredients back to their suppliers to see if anybody along the way suffered a serious hand injury. Wendy's also offers a $50,000 reward for information about the origin of the finger. Just hours later they double the award to $100,000. Meanwhile it's as if a stink bomb has gone off, not just in the outlet where Anna Ayala dined on that fatefiil March night, but at Wendy's outlets all over California. California. Customers are staying staying away in droves. Wendy's starts reducing shifts and even laying off employees. But then some curi ous facts emerge. Investigators determine determine that the severed finger at the center of the mystery was 'fresh', so to speak--not cooked. In other words, it didn't come with the chili. It was planted. And then the San Jose police discover that Ms. Ayala is no stranger to lawsuits against large corporations. corporations. She had previously previously sued General Motors, Goodyear Tire and El Polio Loco, another restaurant chain. Anna Ayala is, in short, a fraud and a phony. Her lawsuit is kaput and instead of moving up to Park Place, she has gone Directly To Jail. The upshot of her little scam? Fast Food Chill. Wendy's restaurants in California shoulder losses losses in the millions of dollars dollars and scores of Wendy's employees are looking for work. Wendy's customers are straggling back slowly, but no-body's ordering chili. On the upside, Anna Ayala is sitting in a San Jose jail cell awaiting a date with a judge. Here's hoping the judge gives her the finger. Canadian Cystic VLIr Fibrosis Foundation 1-800-378-CCFF •www.cysticfibrosis.ca MORRIS FUNERAL CHAPEL LTD. SERVING DURHAM REGION SINCE 1841 ALL FUNERAL SERVICES PREARRANGED AND/OR PREPAID BURIAL - CREMATION - TRANSFERS "WHERE PROFESSIONAL ETIQUETTE IS IMPORTANr FUNERAL DIRECTORS PAUL R. MORRIS DOUG R. RUTHERFORD GARY M. CONWAY DEBRA D. CAMRKIN 905-623-5480 4 MVI8K)N 8T- BOVYMMVILLE ■ AT QUEEN 8T. Hi --t