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•' V " ' 8 - Orono Weekly Times Wednesday, September 14, 2005 Basic Black by Arthur Black Good news is no news Nobody likes the . bringer of bad news. Sophocles I looked up from the crossword puzzle I was surreptitiously filling out to see my editor bearing down on me, paper in hand and thunder in his brow. Never a good sign. "Yer supposta be the funny guy around here," he growled, tossing his burden on my desk. "Make something funny out of this." It was a letter to the editor. A full page of sniping sniping and whingeing about the shortcomings of our esteemed organ which boiled down to the old familiar lament: "Why don't you just give us good news stories instead of all the gloom and doom?" The answer is simple. Newspapers don't lean towards good news stories stories because nobody this side of Ned Flanders could abide a steady diet of Pollyanna pabulum. Oh, there's nothing wrong with the occasional occasional kitten-'rescued-from-a- tree heart wanner, but people buy newspapers to be titillated, outraged and/or appalled. It's a journalistic truism summed summed up in the brutally cynical editorial adage: 'if it bleeds, it leads'. That said, I must admit that I too have had enough of forest fires, suicide bombers, carjackings', carjackings', corporate crooks and ponderous editorials on the shortcomings of 'today's youth'. Herewith a three-flower bouquet of good news stories that didn't make headlines, but should have. Number one: the thong is dead. Is that not good news? The underwear underwear thong... the single most uncomfortable, un-, hygienic and inadequate undergarment fashion in living memory is itself poised to become a memory. memory. Sales have plunged 20 percent in the past year - and high time too. According to the fashion editor of the London Daily Mirror, customers, and particularly women, are giving the bum's rush to "the most ridiculous excuse for a pair of knickers since the chastity chastity belt". Good news item number number two: an anonymous driver who pilots a city bus for B.C. Transit in Victoria, B.C. This guy follows the same route five days a week. It's a route that takes him down suburban Femdale road past the house of James McDonough, aged ten. Classified Business Directory This space won't last for long... only $7.09 per week for one year! Call now to book 905-983-5301 Fine Finishes by T. Osmond COMPLETE Furniture Repair and Restoration Caning • Veneering • Carving French Polishes & Wicker Repair 905-786-2477 Experience You Can Trust GRUNDY'S COUNTRY UPHOLSTERY 3375 Cone. Rd. 7 (905) 983-9874 www.grundysupholstery.com BRYON GRUNDY S&-. Sun STOM»E AWHtHCV ,# LARRY JACKSON PLUMBING & WATER CONDITIONING • Pump Repairs & Installation • UV Lights • Water Softeners • Free Estimates For Friendly, Expert Service Call 905-983-6214 Pro Painting Why Wait.. Book your summer work now! - Excellent Kates ~ 905-983-5761 Clifford Francis Wre here to serve you" ROBERT E. JACKSON Heating • Electrical Air Conditioning Authorized Consumers Gas Dealer Independent Lennox Dealer Furnaces • Air Conditioners and Appliances Main Street Orono 983-6221 Orono Town Hall "A beautiful heritage hair The perfect venue for your family or corporate gathering Call 905-983-5903 or 905-983-5230 to book your event Complete Residential Renovations, Additions and New Structures Windows • Soffit • Interlocking Waterproofing • Doors • Roofing Ceramic Tile • Siding Eavestroughing • Chimney Repair - Specializing In Stone Facing - FREE ESTIMATES Call Mike Bonneau Mobile: 905-435-4181 Home: 905-983-9005 6495 Leskard Rd., Orono LOB 1M0 Roll-Off Bin Service For Renovation, Clean-Up and Metals Call for prices 905-987-4741 Transfer Station Mon.-Fri. 8- 5» Saturday 8-12 ; , i ■ Z-.T ytV, 1 HANDY MANNS i iv: : Liu ■ : l : Renovation Reproductions Cedar Products 905-983-5633 or 5341 . • * j own Auto Wreckeks and Used Cars JOE MENDONCA Manager Phone: 905-987-4636 91 Cowanville Rd., Newcastle, ON L1B 1L9 Orono Veterinary Hospital Dr. Derek de Haan Dr. Mathew Stephenson 30 Cobbledick St., Orono LOB 1M0 Tel: 905-983-9010 Fax: 905-983-5308 Advertise your business in this space Eor only ®as>o<2>S per week!!! Call the "Times" now at : ! I AT Carpenters • Licensed • 27 Years Experience • Custom Homes • General Contracting • Additions • House Trim • Stairs • Decks •Windows «Doors • Barns And all carpentry - related work. IVAN JONES TONY FANARA Orono 905-983-5303 Hampton 905-263-9988 Orono Cemetery Co. - Since 1880 - Remembering the past... Honouring the future. • Planning • Inquiries • Plot & Niche Sales • Rental of Chapel for Services For more information call 905-983-5908 or 905-983-9571 Clarington Beech Centre 26 Beech Ave., Bowmanville Modern Facility Historical Setting Weddings, Banquets, Meetings (30 to 250 people) Self-catering kitchen. 905-697-2856 CHATTERTON ELECTRIC RESIDENTIAL • COMMERCIAL • INDUSTRIAL POLE LINE CONSTRUCTION One very hot day recently, recently, the driver noticed James sitting at the end of his driveway behind a card table holding a pitcher of lemonade and a couple of dozen plastic glasses. Jamès looked downcast. Business, obviously, obviously, was less than brisk. So our driver stopped the bus, turned to his passengers and said "C'mon, c'mon, leçnon- ade for everybody." The driver bought drinks for the house - or rather, the bus - out of his own pocket. A small thing? Sure, but it made the day for his passengers - not to mention for James McDonough who was left with an empty pitcher and $14 in his cash box. His mom says, "James just thought it was the coolest thing I Dave Chatterton Orono, Ontario Tel: 905-983-5546 If no answer: 905-983-5940 ever Item three: the saga of Sheena and Willie. Firemen arriving at a burning house in Auckland, Auckland, New Zealand recently put a ladder up to an open upper storey window, climbed throu- . gh and found... Sheena and Willie, struggling to get out. Sheena had the lead end of Willie's leash in her teeth, leading him towards the firemen. Sheena and Willie are mixed breed golden retrievers. - Sheena is Willie's mom. Willie, her four-year-old pup, is stone blind. Fire sergeant Ed Buck, who carried the dogs to safety, said "They were both trembling but unhurt. They put a lump in my throat the sizè of a soccer ball." The owner of the house, a 59-year-old BLACK see page 9 Leading the Way CORPORATION OF THE MUNICIPALITY OF CLARINGTON www.clarington.net • 905-623-3379 {senior CITIZENS AND THE PHYSICALLY DISABLED SIDEWALK AND DRIVEWAY WINDROW SNOW CLEARING PROGRAM The Municipality of Clarington is offering senior citizens 65 years of age and over and the physically disabled a snow clearing service on municipal sidewalks and for driveway windrows adjacent to single family dwellings, which includes semi-detached, link housing and row housing in the urban areas of Bowmanville, Courtice, Orono, Newcastle Village and in the Hamlets of Bond Head, Newtonville, Tyrone, Leskard, Haydon, Kendal, Solina, Hampton, Burketon, Enniskillen, Maple Grove, Enfield, Mitchell Corners and Kirby. The snow clearing service on municipal municipal sidewalks will start after a snow fall ends and only when there is more than 1 inch of snow on sidewalks. The resident/homeowner resident/homeowner must provide material (sand or salt) on the sidewalk as needed. The driveway windrow snow clearing service will not be undertaken until the snow ploughing on all Municipal streets has been completed and are not called out for 6 inches or less. If you require access to vour driveway or sidewalks before our service is activated, it is tbe home owner's responsibility, To be eligible for this service, applicants {must be 65 years of age or older or be physically disabled, occupy a single family dwelling which fronts onto a Town street in the specified urban areas of the specified hamlets, and have no able bodied persons under the aae of 65 years residing on the property. Senior citizens must provide a photo copy of a birth certificate or Senior Citizens Card; physically disabled applicants must provide a doctor's certificate each year. Application Forms can be obtained from the Operations Department, 2320 Taunton Road or at the Municipal Administrative Centre, Customer Service Reception Desk at 40 Temperance Street in Bowmanville, or by calling 905-263-2291. If you wish to verify that you qualify qualify for the service, please cçntact the Operations Department at the above phone number. All applicants who were approved last winter will receive a 2005-2006 application in the mail. All applicants must reapply each winter season and provide the appropriate documentation. All applications should be completed and returned to the Municipality of Clarington, Operations Department on or before October 14, 2005. Applications may not be accepted after that date. wj »