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8 - Orono Weekly Times Wednesday, January 18, 2006 Basic Black by Arthur Black How lazy can we get? Oh,. Beulah... mer-sized SUV but just peel me a grape. can't find the time to get out and tear up a moun- Mae West in tainside or crash through I'm No Angel a bog the way they do in the TV ads? Not to At least Mae showed worry. For 15 bucks you some pizzazz in . her can buy an aerosol can monumental laziness, of gen-you-wine Spray- appealing to her maid On Mud. All you have for masticatory assis- to do is lather up your tance with the fruit plate, fenders, maybe a spritz Three-quarters of a cen- or two on the windshield tury after she uttered that and you'll convince line, we've lost her sense folks you spend the of style--but we're easi- weekend up to your ly as bone lazy as Mae axles in primordial goo. on her most slothful day. But maybe you're not Consider Fake Mud. the macho motorhead Got yourself a Hum- type.. Perhaps you're a every 15 minutes to remind you to turn over to your un-baked side, Sort of like the guy who puts popcorn in his pancakes so they'll flip themselves. Still too adventurous for you? Hey, even beer- guzzling sofa taters sun bunny whose idea of deserve a technological a good time is stretching break. ' That's where out on a beach blanket to Matthias Hahnen's baste like a bratwurst. Smart Beer Mat comes That too can be demand- in. Matthias, a Gennan ing. It's all very well to inventor and his beer lie supine in the sun, drinking pal Robert slowly fricasseeing your Doerr put their hop- skin cells to a golden happy heads. together brown, but how do you and came up with an know when it's time electronic device small to--you know--turn and flat enough to fit over? under the standard card- Fear not! The Tan- board beer mat. Mini- Timer Bikini is the gar- mal though it is, the ment for you. A British gizmo uses weight and manufacturer has come' motion sensors to detect up with a two-piece when the beer glass it's that sports a built-in sitting under is nearly buzzer. It goes , off empty. When that criti cal stage is reached, the ing our faces that a body device emits a radio sig- could get confused by all nal which is picked up the options and maybe by a receiver at the bar make a bad nutritional notifying the bartender choice. Fortunately we that there's a customer in have a Canadian inven- need of a refill. tion that will take care of I tell ya, life is just that for you. All you getting simpler and sim- need is a cell phone with pier. Take, shopping. You a video component and know how exhausting you're good to go. and stressful it can be, Subscribers to MyFood- thrashing your way Phone (it only costs through the wilds of the about 100 bucks a fruit and vegetable sec- month) can send photo- tion, trying to decide graphs of the meal they whether the Bose pears are about to eat to the are truly juicy or the company, where an on- avocados are actually line dietician will moni- edible. All that manual tor the food for portion squeezing and prodding size and nutritional con- --it's exhausting! tent. Well, it used to be. Why, it's getting so Now, thanks to Ripe- that science will do Sense Ltd., such experi-' everything but chew ences will shortly be a your food for you. thing of the past. Actually, they're RipeSense has come up working on that too. with an agricultural Check out the latest variation on the US product from a company Homeland Security called Hovis, Britain's Emergency Alert Code. ■ most famous bread limit's limit's à label that affixes ufacturer. to fruits and vegetables It's called 'Hovis and turns colour as the: Invisible Crust--the fruit ripens. Red indi- world's, first crustless cates firm; orange is loaf, produced especial- crisp and yellow means ly for the 35% of British, juicy. mothers who say; they According to a com- just can't persuade their pany spokesman, the children to take on the label works by reacting arduous task of chewing to the ethylene gas that through crust to get at fruit emits as it ripens, the bread. ' "The, label .senses, the ; Perhaps that explains 'aroma', as you would British guitar great Eric smell the difference with Clapton's philosophy, your nose as a pear He said: "Given the ripens", explains compa- choice between accom- ny representative Katie plishing something and Mclnness. just loafing around, I'd Oh, yeah...noses. I rather just loaf around, remember when we.used No contest." those things. With a loaf of Hovis There are so many Invisible Crust no doubt, technological innova- And Missus Clapton tions to help us handle peeling grapes, the tricky chore of feed- 4th Line Theatre Audition 4th Line Theatre's Actor - who reads 25-30 2006 Summer Season years old offers unique profes- Actor - who reads 20-25 sional opportunities for years old experienced non-Equity actors. To be considered for Shane Peacock's The an audition, please send Art of Silent Killing resume and headshot by revolves around Camp Fri., Jan. 27,2006 to: X, the WWII secret spy training camp in Whit- Robert Winslow, by, Ontario. A dark, Artistic Director romantic story of two 4th Line Theatre, young Canadian agents Old Millbrook School, who fall in love after 1 Dufferin Street, ; being dropped behind Millbrook, ON enemy lines in France, LOA1GO the play will be directed by Kim Blackwell, and Fax: 705-932-3347 will be environmentally E-mail: 4thline@nexi- staged on 4th Line's commet barnyard stage. Web: 4thlinetheatre.on.ca Character Breakdown: Actress - who reads 80- Auditions to be held plus years old in Millbrook and Tor- Actor - who reads 80- onto. Those selected to plus years old audition will be notified Actress - who reads 25 promptly. Absolutely no years old phone calls please. 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