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12 - Ofono Weekly Times Wednesday, April 12, 2006 km ivwkket'-i - ; --- Basic Black by Arthur Black Extra! Extra! Read all about it! The newspaper business is the only enterprise where a person is supposed supposed to become an expert on any conceivable conceivable subject between 1 o'clock in the afternoon and a 6 P.M. deadline. Robert S. Bird Hah! That would be my editor that Robert Bird is talking about. Miss Know-It-All. Miss How-come-you've-got your-feet-up-on-your- desk-and-you-still- haven't-filed-this- week's-column-yet? Can't she see that I'm thinking? What I'm thinking is: what a cushy job she's got with the big desk and the picture window and expense-account lunches. lunches. Nothing to do all day but browbeat terrified reporters and bullwhip the bleeding backs of faithful, underpaid columnists. columnists. Nice work if you can get it. I wonder what her first job was--hall monitor monitor on a slave galley? Better than Warren Beatty's first encounter with a regular pay cheque. Beatty may have ended up as a Hollywood matinee idol but his employee origins were humbler. He started started out as a municipal rat catcher. A lot of celebrities began their working careers in less-than exalted circumstances. Sean Connery started out a milkman. Mick dagger worked as a porter in a mental institution. institution. Marilyn Monroe twisted nuts onto bolts on an assembly-line in an aircraft factory. Madonna's first sin : gle? Probably a monotonous monotonous ditty entitled 'Didja want fries with that?'- she started out as a waitress in a burger bar. But it's not just movie stars who rise from obscure origins. As a* kid, Charles Dickens worked in a sweat shop producing tins of shoe polish. Abe Lincoln worked for tips as a hotel doorman. Tchaikovsky Tchaikovsky was in charge of paper clips in a dingy office. Even dictators can start out small. Mussolini Mussolini toiled in a chocolate factory. Hitler may have ruled The Third Reich and struck terror into the hearts of millions, but he began his working life designing posters for deodorants. Speaking of dictators reminds me naturally of my editor--and of my very first job: editor and publisher of The Hum- ' ber Heights Gazette. That's right--editor Classified Business Directory Ross McKenzie Tax & Accounting Services 30+Years Experience Competitive Rates 905-987-5245 Pro Painting Why Wait... Book your spring projects now! Excellent Rates ~ 905-983-5761 Clifford Francis Fine Finishes by T. Osmond COMPLETE Furniture Repair and Restoration Caning • Veneering • Carving French Polishes S Wicker Repair 905-786-2477 Experience You Can Trust Aura Wreckers and Used Cars JOE MENDONCA Manager Phone: 905-987-4636 91 Cowanville Rd., Newcastle, ON L1B1L9 Advertise Here! per week Call 983-5301 , 'VVjV ;.: LARRY JACKSON PLUMBING & WATER CONDITIONING • Pump Repairs & Installation • UV Lights • Water Softeners , • Free Estimates For Friendly, Expert Service Call 905-983-6214 Cleaning Don & Christine MacKay Residential & Spring Cleaning ~ Window Cleaning ~ 905-623-6044 cmackay2000@rogers.com We're here to serve you" ROBERT E. JACKSON Heating • Electrical Air Conditioning Authorized Consumers Gas Dealer Independent Lennox Dealer Furnaces • Air Conditioners and Appliances Main Street, Drone 983-6221 RESTORATION & General Contracting Inc. 24 Hour Emergency Service Water • Fire • Smoke Wind Damage Custom Homes Additions • Renovations Interior/Exterior Certified • Licenced Insured ADAM CUMMINGS 905-697-7172 adamrci@bellnet.ca RE/Vq. / fiA% ? $ 1 Complete Residential ■ Renovations, Additions and New Structures Windows • Soffit • Interlocking Waterproofing • Doors • Roofing Ceramic Tile • Siding Eavestroughing • Chimney Repair - Specializing in Stone Facing - FREE ESTIMATES Call Mike Bonneau Mobile: 905-435-4181 Home: 905-983-9005 6495 Leskard Rd., Orono LOB 1M0 Roll-Off Bin Service For Renovation, Clean-Up and Metals . Call for prices 905-987-4741 Transfer Station Mon.-Fri. 8-5'Saturday 8-12 GRUNDY'S COUNTRY UPHOLSTERY 3375 Cone. Rd. 7 (905) 983-9874 www.grundysupholstery.com BRYON GRUNDY •toffei OEHHQ- Orono Veterinary Hospital Dr. Derek de Haan Dr. Mathew Stephenson 30 Cobbledick St., Orono LOB 1 MO : • Tel: 905-983-9010 Fax: 905-983-5308 ■ I&T Carpenters • Licensed • 27 Years Experience • Custom Homes • General Contracting • Additions • House Trim • Stairs • Decks •Windows «Doors • Barns And all carpentry- related work. IVAN JONES TONY FANARA Orono 905-983-5303 Hampton 905-263-9988 Debra Inglis Interior Design CustomDrapery VisiW/ \ idjyfShQWfdqrn S( pèsigrpStïjdjo;, . everyJfiltrs,day 4 ) f rorn 10 ÿm. - 3pfrn. 4312Conclr#6,Kendal 905-983-5900 Clarington Beech Centre 26 Beech Ave., Bowmanville Modern Facility Historical Setting Weddings, Banquets, Meetings (30 to 250 people) Self-catering kitchen. 905-697-2856 CHATTERTON ELECTRIC RESIDENTIAL • COMMERCIAL • INDUSTRIAL POLE LINE CONSTRUCTION Dave Chatterton Orono, Ontario Tel: 905-983-5546 If no answer: 905-983-5940 AND publisher. Me. Aged nine. Well, why not? This country has a long history history of newspaper moguls and tycoons--Max Ait- ken who became Lord Beaverbrook... Roy Thomson... Conrad (no relation) Black... And just between you and me, being an editor--even editor--even an editor and publisher--is not exactly exactly nuclear physics. I mean... look at my editor. editor. But I digress. I well remember the first edition of The Humber Heights Gazette. Gazette. I drew it myself. By • hand. I even remember •the lead story. UNUSUAL UNUSUAL BIRD SEEN ON RUTHERFORD LAWN ran the headline. And below that was a picture--well, picture--well, a drawing, actually--of what I am now pretty sure was an English sparrow. True, I didn't have a splashy murder or a train derailment or an earthquake earthquake for that first edition, edition, but that's the news business', eh? ' You go with what you've got. . Alas it . wasn't ' enough. The Humber Heights Gazette didn't make it. I had printing problems (my hand got tired); I had distribution woes (Tommy Farmer wouldn't let me use his red wagon); 1 had a shortage of advertisers... advertisers... (well, none); and I was a little light in the personnel department (I was it). In the end, The Humber Heights Gazette folded after just one issue. In fact, after just one copy of one issue. But it wasn't a complete disaster. Mister Rutherford Rutherford paid me 2 cents for that sitigle copy. Perhaps Perhaps he'though he recognized recognized a sound investment. investment. Or maybe he. just wanted to read about the unusual bird on his lawn. My career parabola seems to have run in reverse. I started out as a media magnate/press 'barpn and ended up typing typing for beer money from you-know-who. But you never know where Life is going to.' take you. Crooner Dean Martin started out selling selling bootleg whiskey. Steve McQueen? Towel boy in a brothel. Hey, .editor! Ever considered a career change? 08 1--1 . v ]!.:' = N| ■ "V NEWCASTLE FUNERAL HOME Family owned and operated by ' Carl Good, Funeral Director, and Joyce Kufta 386 Mill St. S., Newcastle 905-987-3964 www.ncwcastleftiiieralliome.com "Caring for our Comm unity IN THE FIGHT AGAINST CANCER BEÇAUSE CANCER IS IN YOUR COMMUNITY, SO ARE WE, Your donation is needed to fund life-saving cancer research and Vital support services for people living with cancer. Please give generously when a Canadian Cancer Society volunteer knocks at your door this April. HELP US MAKE CANCER HISTORY. www.cancer.ca Canadian Société Cancer canadienne Society dn cancer J