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Some way we learned that we were becoming disagreeable to one of our neighbors won account of our many excellenciee, of course; it could be nothing else. What to do troub- led our poor neighbor, and we solved the problem in this wise. In a pub- lic speech We said, in substance: “Friends, it sometimes happens that people have disagreeable neighbors; we have had such experiences, and the problem ie to be rid of them. This is a free country; no one can compel you or me to live next door, or next lot, or farm. to a trouble- some neighbor. There is no law compelling us to endure mu'h ills. Some peeple have troublesome or disagreeable neighbors. They are neighbors who make themselves dis- agreeable, annoying or troublesome, or allow their children to make nuis- ances of themselves, or their hens or dogs or other belongings; at all events you wish to be rid of them. ‘Whiit shall you do? We will tell you how we once solved the question for a perplexed neighbor. mm“ or suspjciqn of wands} of any kind has metitéfiri whispered. No such royal household, home and life was ever known. Long live the Queen. But the best of all is the exalted Christian character and life of the queen herself. Her court has been pure and spotless ffom the first; no Finally the great men of her reign 'a re a brilliant galaxy. Lords Brough- am and Macaulay and Grey and Bus- sell and the old “Iron Duke” ’Wel- lihgton, Palmeston and Feel and Disriaeli and Gladstone vand Bright and Cobden, Canning and Aberdeen and Melbourne, to say nothing of later men, is a wonderful list. They all lent their brains and energy and added lustre to her Majesty’s reign. ~1i'ke‘otfie‘r‘w‘cimg péoplé, respect able and respected. The masses .have educational advantages un- dreamed of 60 years ago. erty is no longer a crime; goodness and wealth are not regarded as syn~ onymous terms. Prisoners are treated as human beings, to be reâ€" fOrmed; the poor taught how to help themselves; the liquor traffic re- strained. The miners of England were a degraded lot when Victoria! came to the throne; today they are TROUBLESOME NEIGHBORS, 1837â€"4897. p. m. had not-a box left and still the people called for berries. This is a wry lwrry consuming town. They don’t do any business over at Evans Brm'. these days. Satur- day last they sold 2“ cases'of straw- berries, beside several cases each of black and raspberries and at 9 o‘clock a new lot of fine yellowplated tags, one for each canine, with the seal or cahalistic symbols of the city en» graved thereon, which he presents to each person as he pays his tax. Every mastifl', Newfoundland, St. Bernard and petted and spoiled poo- dle pays the tax. Don’t fail to at- tend to it promptly, or the marshal may snap a noose about his neck and land him in kingdom come, The owners of dogs can now call at City Clerk Finney' 3 office and pay their little dog tax The clerk has Poor Chicago ! She has our sym- pathy in her buorish rusticity and conceited ignorance. We have 'both the Websterian and Worcesterian standards, lexicogranh- ers evidently unknown in Chicago. of whose population seven-eighths are foreigmhom or of foreign extraction and the balance are hopelessly con- taminated. Besides, as the old farmer said to the critic of his fault- less orthography. “A feller must be a durn fool who can’t ppell a word but one way.” ”Past Q6335? our local Exmoor Club folks on the makeup of their pro- gram for Saturday’s opening exer- cises. It'seems not to have occurred to the aforesaid Alec that as enter- prising, progressive and wcultured people as our Exrnoiir friends could depart from Chicago customs and manners. , Mr. William Waldorf Astor is authority for the statement that Chicago aristocrats ~ sit out on their front door steps, and have the door opened by a maid, things so rude that no cultivated people would tolerate them. Besides the Park people have their broad, velvety lawns for their friends and trained male servantswin other words the Park is in' the swim»~_poor Chicago ! This self-assured critic further obâ€" jects to the literary form and the or- thography of our club’s invitations. The Park was settled by cultivated eastern people . , y * ' ' ' ‘ Hence, whenever we find ourselves in such a dilemma, all we have to do, to be rid of them once and for all, is‘Tor us to move ourselves out of town at once. Try it; it works like a charm~~-to the rest of the community.” THE HIGHLAND PARK NEWS. ”The smart Alex; ofréhagEyming. CHICAGO RUSTICITY. G. Willis Cummings went by our office a day or two since and to some young men who saw him we spoke of how hard he was working and how tanned and ruddy he looked and that he was really becoming robust and strong, which was abunâ€" dant compensation for a bronzed face and calloused hands. One of the young men remarked “Yes and will be one of the high muckey mucks in the telephone company one of these days” and all joined in chorous “that he will.” Some boys with his education, general culture, etc. might object to beginning at the bottom and working up. But Mar- vin Hughitt did that in railroading. The late Jay Gould was once a train hand on a little railroad in Vermont. Jim Hill of the Great Northern once worked among the roustaboute. Willis Cummings ie mastering every detail from the bottom up and he lH making no mistake. Prof. W. A. Wilson leaves Monday for St. Paul to put in the summer for the Globe of that city, one of the ng'gmpers' of the Northwé‘ét‘. ” he will put in his time and talents to selling to the people Charles Dudley Warner’s Library of Universal Lit- erature in connection with the Globe. The Globe folks rightly conclude that the man who can make boys get their lessons when they don‘t want to, can make folks buy books they don‘t want and take a paper they may not like. Prof. Wilson will fill that bill; he learned business in B. F. Jacobs‘ real estate office. The telephone company have out a new directory up to June lst, but since that date several new ones have been installed. ~-!Fheâ€"flies '-havrswa1-Tn“éa“m{e‘7”t'lfé' locusts ’of Egypt within a few days. Don’t forget that Schumacher, the ‘ druggist keeps the"fpizen” for them. The wholesaie ceai men are all the time saying anthracite will jump up 25 to 50 cents per ton July Ist. Perhaps it will, and then perhaps it won’t; you can’t most always tell about these coal men. W. R. Kenny, that erstwhile Dem- ocrat, is about town. It seems like the old days when we handed over the Shekels of fines for drunkeness to him as city treasurer. Have you seen or heard the "buz- zer” on Dale Sweetlands display window? That is to frighten vthe potato bugs away frOm his quinine capsules. City Engineer Bowen is entertain- ing his brother John a few days. By the way, where is the city treasurer’s oflice? CITY BREVITIES.