THE DAILY BRITISH WHIG, THURSDAY, MAY 13, 1916. UNCONSCIOUS HUMOR 1S OFTEN THE BEST KIND. J. C. Percy Has Made a Collection of Strange Slips on the Part of Ora- tors, Excited Men and Very Fre- quently of Solemn Writers-- Fiction Is Often a Serious Offen- der Against Reason and Dignity. Most of the bes: humor is uncon- scious; In other words, it is of the Irish "bull" variety. Mr. J. C. Percy has made quite a collection of these amusing funniosities and published them under the title of "Bulls and Blunders. Needless to say, there is no "bull" so good ax the real Irish-- it Is always so natural and spontan- eous, as, for example, that of the son of Erin, who declare he would scorn to put his name to an anonymous letter, or the other who said to a man with whom he was having a few words: "I it wasn't for soiling m bands I'd kick you into the street." In Dublin there was an old beggar woman who, when asking charity, de- clared ly that she was the mother of gix small children and a sick husband, and the same woman 15 credited with the remark when trying to sell an old saucepan: "Shure, I wouldn't be partin' wid it if it wasn't to get a little money to buy some- thin' to put into it." A fond lover 'told his sweetheart he thought so much about her that "he could not sleep at might for dreaming of her." But even sober business people on the other side of St. George's Channel fall into it--not the Channel, but the "bull" ---- sometimes, otherwise why should a London newspaper have re- marked, describing the boat race, that "Cambridge led all the way, and lost," or a Tottenham constable de- clare that "the prisoner made no re- ply, which I entered in my note book?" Here is a smart "par." from & well-known motoring journal: "The man who buys a car, and espe- clally If it happens to be a woman, is far more attracted by a carriage than a piece of machinery." Talking about Journalistic "bulls," here is a neat one from a provincial paper: 'Fool and mouth disease will soon be laid by the heels." Here is a gem from s Lurgan newspaper: 'Mrs. So-and-So, of Putney, celebrated her one hun: dredth birthday last week. She was visited by his twin sister, aged 95, who had traveled many miles to see her." And how about this fn "The Referee' last November? "The may who clips your ticket in the Metre is either a boy, an old man, or 8 woman." Even the prosaic farmer can be funny on .eceasion, as the on¢ who explained that he ear-marked his hogs by cutting a piece off thei: tails." Here is a story of Pat's pre- ference which is distinctly good. They were discussing the countries they would claim had they not be longed to thuir own peculiar land. Said the Englishman: 'if I had not heats bom of Anglo-Saxon parents | wi like to be. an J " And Scottie remarked that if he had a choice he wonld like to bave 'been born in England (which no true Scot will believe), Then Pat said: "If ol were not an Qirishman 1 would be ~-- well ashamed o' meself." Clerk of the Court to Jewish witness: "What is your Christian name?" An- swer: "Solomon Isaacs." This story In This War the Problem Is Unusual and Complicated. It is safe to say that of all sub- jects which forin topies of eonversa- tion in the trenches during the mo- ments which the enemy leaves the British soldier for social interc:urse, none is more popular (unless the soldier has completely changed his character) 'than the great question: "How many medals shall we get for this war and what will be the bars?" That has always been, since the British army received medals, the one subject which has interested him more than any other. In the argot of the barrack-room, the medal is a "gong," and jit is the ambition of every soldier in the army that that "gong" should net be bare of bare (the little strips of silver across the ribbon inscribed with the names of the action which mark the quality of the award), and the more bars there are to a man's medal the higher does he stand, not only in his own estimation, but in the estimation of his comrades, it is curious how, when discuss- ing the war, generally, with wound- ed soldiers, the topic of conversa- tion invariably veers round to this medal question. The optimistic think that there will be three. One given by Pranee, one by Russia, and a third by Great Britain. Others be- lieve that the medal will be of bronze, and will be issued in wuni- formity by 'he five nations engaged. This would not be very popular with the soldier. In the Egyptian ¢am- paigns there were two, one British and one which was presented by the Egyptian Government. In the South African war there were also two, but that was due to the faet that the war was continued under two sove- reigns. What is probable is that there wiil' 'be a British medal and one issued by the allies in conjunctiom, that is to say, the Russian soldier will wear the Russian medal and the allies', and the French soldier will wea: the Eyench medal, fssued by the French Government, plus the allies', and the same decorations will"be offered to the British soldier. It is said that the color of the new ribbon, made up of the unational colors of Belgium and will either he a 'black ribbon, with red and yellow stripes on each edge, or will be a red ribbon, with a black and yellow edging, 'the exact pattern of which has not yet been decided upon. Purple Pansy Brigade. One of the latest war ecrazes in English society is the "purple pansy brigade." If you have an intimate friend or relative wounded at the front you wear a buttonhole of pur- ple pansies. The result bas been an unexampled demand for the purple pansy. Now that there is almost no one who has not a friend among the cas- ualties, all the women at fashionable Ssibarings wear a cluster of the sympathetic ir, and some of the men do the same. At some of the smart luncheons. at the big ho- tels the effect is usly ant vs le also.serves as purple pansy f a useful conversatio most cu iries. The purple pansy, therefore, Eat ratty although it does indi- cate suffering on 'the part of some- sounds all right: "As I was going |body over the bridge the other day 1 met Pat Hewins. 'Hewins,' say I, 'how are you? 'Pretty well, thank you, Donnelly,' says he. Says I: 'That's not my name.' 'Faith, then, no more is mine Hewins.' With that we look- .®d at each other, and sure enough } "it was nayther of us." Said a Kerry man: "Now that Home Rule is pass- od, Ireland will be country where we will be able to fight in peace and quietness." And it was an Irish man who marked, after a "bust "the part of the day was the night." Fiction 'writers frequently lét their imaginations run away with them, as can be seen from the followi: taken 'hand was cold like that of a serpent." "The countess was about to reply heh the Quon poor lifeless vic- eritic of a In London the demeanor of the smart crowd is distinetly more cheer- ful as the war proceeds. Conditions, the mere prospect of which seemed unbearable, have now became Old-Time Sealing-Wax. od dnteresting vesuits have been ol Sindy the do of old . impres- J w documents in the Public Re- tore OB An London. The seals ex- i dtom the thirteenth to eighteenth century, and differed but little om Aodars Sealing it Fthought to the working of genius, Lerrons by Pictorial Review An expensive voile made up in dressy effect. The four-piece skirt is gathered Bary &Practieal | Home Dress Making Prepared Especially For This Newspaper FROCK FOR A LIMITED INCOME. at the waist<lne, and the overblouse is an adjustable affair, It is true that women's ideas of a limited income vary greatly, but every- one will agree that $3.50 is about as reasonable a sum as anyone would ex- pect to expend on a frock of dressy ap- pearance. The model shown heré may be carried out in floral printed voile at 26 certs a yard. For medium size 53% yards are required, making the material cost 31.38 Three-quarters yard of 36» inch satin at $1.50 a yard would add $1.13 to the bill, leaving 99 cents for the % yard of lace required for the yoke and % yard of 2-inch belting, If one is willing to spend 75 cents extra % yard of white silk or satin may be added for the vest and collar, but this is purely a matter of taste. In cutting out the volle only tne back of the waist, the collar and the back of the underbody are laid on a lengthwise fold of the material. If a round aut- line is preferred for the neck it is an easy matter to cut out the neck edge of the shield and single small "0" per- forations. The double "po" perfora- tions must be followed in case the square neck is desired, however. The back and front gores and the plecings for both of these are laid on a length- wise thread of the voile, as are also the sleeve, the overblouse front and the underbody front. The overblouse is adjustable and ex- tends below the walst-line, giving a very graceful effect to the model. Among the less expensive volles are several very good striped patterns with inch-wide stripes of colors alternating with white. These wide stripes are more fashionable than the narrow, candy-stripe patterns, except for blouses. Figured silks are excellent for spring and early summer wear, and they have been utilized to excellent advantage in the inexpensive evening and afternoon gowns. Many of the new full skirts fall more softly and are found more becoming without any petticoat. eo inches bust. Price, 15 cents. CECIL RHODES, $50 en The Great Empire Builder of British Africa. Of the comparatively few men who have built undying monuments for themselves while yet living, was [Cecil Rhodes, who died March 26, '1902, when he had only passed the {deal mi e of a half century. Rhodes was born in Hi hire, 'Bug. In his early he had a n which bade fair to do of Bagiaad. This Jed Bik we Beers . to South Africa, where the ao gave i He soon discovered the portunities that 'lay in the which later 'became the grea h 'field of the world. Aion oF ao 'ed practical control. John 'Rhodes, no what 'his personal ambition, ways loyal to the greater Est ! fii § 2 'Natal, of the Pictorial Review Costume No. 6167, Sizes 32, 84, 36, 38, 40, 42, 44 and 46 'He did more for 'the development of April 30. 190 it unfortunately for himself, luckily for novel readers, « long drought kill- ed off his flocks and herds, and com- pelled him to enter the Government, service as a stipendisry magistrate, coroner, and goldfields warden. It was while Sxerciuing Hhete oi cial functions and keeping his eyes, open that he meét most of the charac- ters and gained tie greater part of the experience embodied in his fes. Curiously emough, he 'took writing as the 'result of being lame. When a eomparatively young man, he 'happened to be kicked hy a horse. led to his being laid up, and to w. away the 'tedious hours he wrote an' 'Australian sketeh ealled ; ar intervals acetylene t oo he ame ad runs 8 control simply provides a means of starting it n there is .a fog and opping it when the fog clears. waves are sent aut by 5 ith LISTING CASUALTIES. Keeping Track of Soldiers' Names Is a Tremendous Task, "Please let me know what is the matter with Patrick; he was killed the last 1 heard?" is but one in-| stance of the thousands of pathetic queries for the answering of which a colossal index of casualties has been in process of formation during the past Tew months on a high place in London somewhere between Big Ben and the Nelson Column, All day and all night continues the building of this house of index cards. On the day of the new moon also, and on all Sabbath days, for no precept of any faith would forbid that work. From every British ambulance in the fighting area, from every hospi- tal where men are received at home or abroad, and from every battalion staff come lists and lists and lists of wounded, sick, or missing, or cap- tures, or of slain. * Solid-looking oak cabinets which stand back to back in pairs are constantly being supple- mented by more cabinets in each of the rooms allotted to this work, merely from the point of view of 'English surnames, it is a wonderful collection, and if soldiers enlisting adopt 'fancy titles from current language, were not all names once nicknames before they were established by long use? Here you find such as Homer, Shakes- peare, Hathaway, Graco, side by side with such as Hell, Bulldeath, Dead- man, and Corpse, John Pintard and Nicholas Romayne, And those who sit writing the en- tries on the index cards---mon-com- batants? Perhaps, and yet most of them are also really among the cas- ualties of tins far-reaching war, though unrecorded upon any roll of honor. These temporary clerks are men who have lost their profession- al posts--men who, in the general disturbance of business enterprise, have had to close their offices and grasp at any straw of paid service which would keep them and their families from bitter privation. Some of them have sons in the fighting line----many would be there 'them- selves but Tor grey hairs or physical infirmity. The head of one room served his gun in the South African gar till one arm was smashed by a shell splinter, and not' ome of 'them but gleans some sagrap of consolation from a belief that he runs more risk from hostile aircraft in the series of rooms that bas come to be known worth, Sitting on one of the thousand chairs 'that were made in a fortnight atthe beginning of the war, he may be searching the drawer of the Lein- for some elusive Sergt. Toole, i sawoman in South Wales, to Dbave been killed at kmown to be a prison- at Doberits. i gE. Ev > EECiEiiet Ata itis 1 LL E 8 2 b Ii i gt BF I i itt gE ; i Bf His E Good Humor When hubby 'lights up" for his after-din- ner smoke, be sure he has a match which will give him a steady light, first stroke. . your grocer for Kddy's "Golden Tip" or "Si- lents," two of our many brands. | THE E. B. EDDY CO. HULL, CAN. Uhlorodyne It variably relieves pain of ao INSIST ON HAVING Dr. J. COLLIS BROWNE'S ' 'CHLORODYNE. The immense success of this Remedy bas given rise to meay imitations. N.B.--Every bottle of THE ORIGINAL AND ONLY GENUINE. Acts like a Charm in DIARRHOEA ......... sweite n GHOLERA DYSENTERY. Checks and arrests those too often fatal diseases-- FEVER, CROUP, AGUE. The best Remedy koown for COUGHS, COLDS, ASTHMA, BRONCHITIS. Effectually cuts short all attacks of SPASMS. "s the only palliative in NEURALGIA, RHEUMATISM, TOOTHACHE. is a liguid i is a liquid taken in robs. eraduated according to the allays irritation of the nervous system when no bad affects : and can be taken when no other Ss a onlm medicine can be CONVINCING MEDICAL TESTIMONY WITH EACH BOTTLE. Sold by ali Chemists. Peices in Bagload Vlg 209, 4). . In Patent, Gun Metal and Dongola Kid, latest lasts and heels. $250 & $3 Momen's Fine Low Shoes "land Pumps «+ Ask jo the She lad. pi other remedies fail, leaves tolerated.