TI IA tes A oS es Arvin rn Ready Wit and Repartee SOAs, EOP eeOoe The first Lord Brabourne's gift for repartee was famous. After be- ing created a peer under the admin- istration of Mr. Gladstome, he ulti- mately joined the Conservative party. Speaking at a political meeting, he made a disparaging reference to his foroier leader, whereupon a mem- ber of the audience demanded: "Who made you a peer?" Quick as lightning came the re- tort: "Mr. Gladstone did. I wish he were here now. Then perhaps he could make you disappear!" Samuel Wilberforce, a former Bishop of Dxford, was addressing a public meeting. During his speech he cleared his throat several times. "Try Thorley's Food for Cattle!" cried a wit. "That may do for asses," replied the bishop; "but it won't do for Samuel Oxon." In the old days it was customary for a newly-appointed dignitary to purchase his predecessor's robes of office. When Erskine became Lord Chancellor he succeeded a notorious evil liver, who sent his valet to ask if his successor would purchase his ermine, "Tell him, replied Erskine, "that I do not propose to take up the abandoned habits of my pre decessor." Garrick, the famous actor, was well known for his meanness, .and one day Foote, the comedian, scored neatly. Garrick had been ridiculing & third party, when he relented, and sald: "Well, I suppose I ought to take the beam out of my own eye before I condemn another." "80 you would," retorted Foote, "if you could but sell the timber!" Dr. Garth, a witty physician of the court of Queen Anne, had prescribed & nauseous dose for the Duke of Marlborough. When the duke refus- ed to take it, his sharp-tongued wife sald: "I'll be hanged if it does not cure you." '""Then, my lord," broke in Garth, "you had better swallow it. You will be the gainer either way." A snobbish member of Douglas Jerrold's club announced in a loud ¥oice, to advertize his intimacy with the nobility: '""Isn't it strange? We had no fish last night at the mar- quess'. That's the second time it has happened. I can't account for it." Jerrold replied: 'Nor I--unless they ate it all upstairs." One day Sir John Irwin was suf- fering from an/acute attack of gout, and his doctor called to find him cracking a bottle. "Come along, doctor," said Sir John, "you are just in time to taste this bottle of Madeira." The doctor replied sevetely: "These bottles of Madeira will be the death of you; they are the cause of all your suffering." "Well, then," replied the vietim, "All your glass, for now that you have found the cause, the sooner we get rid of it the better." Charles Burleigh was in the mid- dle of one of his eloquent denuncia- tions of 'the slave trade when a Yery rotten egg hit him in the face, He wiped it off and sald: "This is a striking evidence that, as I have al- Ways "said, pro-slavery arguments are unsound." Rev. Walter Dunlop was walking down the High Street at Dumfries when two wags accosted him and said: "Hae ye heard the news? The deil's dead." "Then I must pray for two father less bairns," came the reply. ------------------ Who Talks the Most? The British House of Commons, which has been described by a cynie Cove "oP » 88 "a place where people talk," eon- talons one lady member, but, contrary to the usual rule, the lady is net the greatest talker there. Lady Astor is a silent member compared with many others, according to the "Par- lanientary Gazette" recently issued. The Premier does not claim first place. Commander Kenworthy is the greatest talker in the House, having Addressed no fewer than 498 oral questions to Ministers. Compared with- this, Commander kK. Hilton Young has a small bump of curiosity. 'Though second on the list, he only asked 172 questions. Capt. Wedp- wood Benn is third with 171. To the Attorney-General for Ire- land, Mr. "Benis Henry, falls the doubtful blessing of having answered the most questions--517. This is 37 more than Mr. Lloyd George. In regard to actual words the most Prolific M.P.'s are Commander Ken- worthy, Mr. Lloyd George, and Mr, Clynes. The firs: filled 192 columns of "Hansard," the Premier 167, and Mr. Clynes 188, ------------ Brilliant Twins. Instances of twin children becom- ing famous or carving out careers together are rare. This gives interest to the record of the twin daughters of Mr. James Gray, of Ayr, Scotland. In their final year at Ayr Acad- emy, the two girls, Miss Ann Gray and Miss Marion Gray, were bracket- ed together for the Coats' gold medal, awarded to the best pupil in the school, The twins attend Edinburgh Uni- versity, and in 1920 Marion gained 'first place in second ordlary mathe- matics. Her sister was the best wo Man student in English, shared the Simpson Prize, won a Latin prise, ¥alue £10, and obtained a first-class certificate in ancient histbry. This Session both have already won medals. seurce in Vancouver, B.C. A witness MONTREAL. How Canada's' Largest City Received | Its Name. It was Jacques Cartier, the intre- | pid French explorer, who was the | first white man to view the site of Montreal. On October 3, 1535, he came up the St. Lawrence river | and entered for the first time the | Indian village of Hochelaga | He found it a circular encampment of about fifty tunnei-like cabins, fifty | feet long and fifteen feet wide. The | whele community was surrounded by no less than three encircling rows of | plckets, one row within the other. | Behind the village was a rather | pronounced elevation in the land, too slight to be called a mountain but so high that when Cartier climb- ed it he could view the land "for thirty leagues about.' S80 impressed Was he with the wonderful view he obtained of the St. Lawrence from this hill, he named it 'Mount Royal" | in honor of the king, his master. | Thus is was nearly 400 years ago | that the name that was the original of "Montreal" came into being. But Hochelaga was still an Indian settlement, and it retained its old name for more than a century after Cartier saw it first. It was not until 1640 that a group of people in France formed themselves into an association to establish a settlement beneath Mount Royal. The King of France ceded them the eniire island and in the following year, M. de Maisonneuve, one of the thirty-five associates, brought out several fam- ilies from France and was appointed governor of the settlement, which | was called Ville Marie. | Parkman 'describes the interest-| ing ceremony with which Maison- | Reuve took possession of the island | and quotes the great leader as say-| . 'ing to his sturdy band of follower "You are the grain of mustard seed | that shall rise and grow till its branches overshadow the earth. You | are few, but this work is the work of God. His smile is on you and your | children shall fill the land." { Four hundred years later we may | view the great city of Montreal with | its 800,000 people and credit Maison- | neuve with the gift of prophecy. ol Ville Marie remained the nanis| of the village for the first few years | of its existence when it was threat- | ened by Indian raids and pillages and | when its inhabitants called into | Play their every shred of courage and | bravery to sustain them in their | struggles. But gradually the name | of the mountain was applied to the | settlement as well. Ville Marie be- came Mount Royal and in the course of time the name has become cor- rupted to Montreal. Products of the Fish. "Salmon loaf," a paste made by mixing salmon flesh with flour and other ingredients, is now put up in cans for market by several packers on the Pacific coast. One leading packer is canning a "straight salmon" paste, with admix- ture of oil and spices. A cannery on Chilkoot Inlet, is putting up smoked salmon shaved to thin strips, like dried beef, and pack- ed in oil. It is exceedingly palatable, and specially good for sandwiches. Another canning concern is pack- ing salmon fish-balls, which are pre- Pared by grinding the fish fine, cook- ing and seasoning with spices. They have only to be warmed over to be ready to seat. Still another firm has been ex- perimenting with the manufacture of wienerwurst sausages from salmon and halibut. Another company, on the Columbia river, put up in cans so-called '"figh pudding," made by grinding salmon flesh and mixing it with milk and eggs. It did not prove & success commercially. A market for much of the waste of the salmon fisheries has been found with farmers and poultrymen, who are demanding - great quantities of fish meal and scrap for mixing with other feed for catile, hogs and chick- ens. This fish food causes animals to take on 'weight rapidly. ------e Ontario's Live Stock. The Statistics and Publications Braneh of the Ontario Department of Agriculture, co-operating with the Dominion Bureau of Statistics, fur- nishes the following statement giv- ing the estimaied numbers of the! various classes of live stock and | poultry on hand in the Province of Ontario on June 15th, 1921; Horses. Stallions, 2 yrs, and over. . Mares, 2 yrs. and over Geldings, 2 yrs. and over, Colts and Aflllies, under 2 yrs. ...... 3,665 353,075 272,087 65,410 Total horses ...,.,. vo. 694,237 Cattle. Bulls, 1 yr. and over. .. . Milch cows in milk or in calf Calves under 1 yr, " Steers, 2 yrs. and over. . All other cattle teesssenen 67,769 1,204,270 651,532 249,099 717,458 -- 2,890,113 1,081,828 sees. 1,663,807 Totak cattle cssssuaes Sheep and lambs Sarees Bwine, all ages ... Pouitry, Turkeys Geena. ........ Ducks bbw n vei ai ete Other fowls .... 291,377 413,219 368,758 te204..10,389,852 ---- Total poultry ...... «.11,468,208 ---------- Fatty's Refreshment. Liquor served in the suite of Ros- gos ("Fatiy") Arbuckle, film star, uring the party in which Miss Rappe is alleged to have sustained fatal injuries, has been traced to a had been found whe had definitely traced the supply, although Arbuckle may not have known that the liquor came from that point. , Prisoners Much Healthier. . Owing to the good food and care THE CHINA EGG "They say if that thing ever hatches it will be a Chinaman. [===] NN. {oak hh ST BA & Zh N fio KNEW THEN What is the next letter Teacher: to N? Pupil: l--Il--I Teacher: Oh, don't you know? Pupil: Yas'm, | do now--it's 0. BOOK SURGERY 1st Author: This book is fong enough without an appendix, | think. 2nd Author: Then cut it out! THE HIGH COST OF PEWS The Plate Passer: That was a dime you put in the collection, sir, The Just Awakened Sleeper: Yes, | suppose so." "1 The Plate Passer: take a that, You couldn't nap In a hoboes' fiop for A MURDERING LoT id Cools Wali, Mary, what do you people house? A VOLUME OF SOUND Dealer: You should place this dhonograph in your library, madam --Just the place for it. Lady: Why so? Dealer: Because of its super+ rolume of sound. * His DRAWING POWER "He must have great drawing power to win such a girl." Nothing to be wondered at when he can draw checks." NEARER THAN SOME "Is that near-beer you're drink. ing?" "Well, it's nearer than some. ® "My mie..... wngue is Cockatoo." "And mine is Caw! Caw!" "My, isn't it lucky we both speak English." HAD IT ALREADY Dottor: What you need my good man is a nice long rest. Patient: You must be In error there doctor. My wife has Just re. turned from a three months' stay in the country, "My! But don't these nicotine Pires 2 or oie / Br ecerdents oon eceny! bubihad on Th ll dung THREW UP THE JOB "At sea you had a hard Job to keep pace with your appetite, didn't you?" "Yes--had to give it up in the end." "Why did leave the whale?" "l suppose he saw one of those 'no loitering' signs." Jonah IF KNOCKED DOWN Wifie: John, | want you to at. tend the auction and If they knock down any china-- Hubby: Yes, my dear. Wifie: | want you to pick up a few pieces for me, C] A Co THE SILENT PARTNER Friend: Who is that making fuch a row in the back office? Merchant: My silent partner, | think. WANTED A SHOW Manager: Se you think you can star, and want me to give you an opportunity? Would-Be Star: give me a show. | want you to CETTE TYY: AER AA tea itself. precious energy, stimulate cheer--a champagne its native putity. In pound and half-pound cartons. CHASE & SANBORN, Montreal, Que. = Jha Utter Dgjntinecs an im, In TEA | you will find your affinity, a tea that you will stay wich, &'rare that will scatter a thirst, renew yous amongst teas in all Sasiasiase eas clean and in A1 condition. {fore the lives of their children the Always Ready to Serve You Morning, Noon or Night Come in any time and you .will find us ready with good meals prepared under the supervision of first-class cook. The surroundings and our table linen are CROWN CAFE OPEN FROM 7.30 A\M. 208 Princess Street. ie: always kept TILL 2 AM. Phone 1393 PHILIP TOY, Prop. ---------- PROTECT YOUR INCOME: In case o policy will pay you a mon FIRE: Have you neglected that Insn delays are dangerous. E: A small yearly prem case of an accident. 2 Couper Street CONSULT E. --_------ DELAYS ARE DANGEROUS f sickness~6r accident, our disabil- thly income for life. rance on your house or furniutre; ium will make good provision for Phone 2186w, WILLIAMS prices: -- 1x4 32x4 33x4 DUNLOP TRACTION DUNLOP TRACTION 187 PRINC CLEARINGS ALE OF TIRES We whi sell our entire stock of Tires at the following low 30x31; MALTESE CROSS, NON-SKID .,....... 30x33 DUNLOP TRACTION. .... DUNLOP TRACTION . . Lemmon & Sons vee. .B17.50 ee... 817.50 cee. . $25.00 . . $32.00 ...834.00 ESS STREET PARIS CAFE De EE ------ We are now ready to serve the publicdn a first. class manner. * Good meals cooked right, served to your liking is our motto. Our Restaurant has j --our tables and table | desire, ust been newly decorated inen all that you could Come and have a meal with us and you will be well satisfied. 191 PRINCESS STREET JOE LEE, PROPRIETOR Open from 7 a.m. to 2 a.m.. Will Urge Young Men To Enter the Ministry Winnipeg, Nov. 17.--Placing the burden of blame upon the decay 'of true religion in the home, the gres- byterian Synod of Winnipeg, in ses- sion here, discussing the causes of dearth of candidates for the minis- try, adopted a program of counter- attack, which calls for an appeal to students in high schools, normal sctools and colleges. Ministers throughout the province will call on parents and urge them to keep be- prime importance of dedicating their lives to Christ, and a survey wili be made of young people in the congre- gations of the Presbyterian church with a view to enlisting them to a life of service. The programme also calls for the delivering of addresses in the churches upon the lack. of candidates for the ministry. nig -- It Time was represented by a pret- ty young 'woman instead of an ola mau, there would not be 80 much ob- jection to 'he waist of time. an intruder P------ Rude Man Shocks "Diana at Bath" Chicago, Nov. 17.--"Djana at the Bath' or something like that was staged at the women's gymnasium at the University of Chicago yesterday, who eluded capture burst into a shower bath at a moment when Miss Grace Bennett, a pretty senior, was enjoyiig a bath. Th splashing water prevented her hearing a man prying open a window and he was at the door of the bath- room before she saw him. She screamed so lustily that other stu dents hastened to her rescue, The university police, augmented by a large volunteer force of stu- dents, scoured the campus thorough- ly, but no trace of the Intruder was found. Married mon are more honest than the single ones. You never hear & married man lying to uls wife about her beauty and charm. The wood of which the Ark was built has been identified by many scientists as cypress. All the difference in the world--in flavor, quality, crispness and texture--between ordi- i nary corn flakes and , Post Toasties --best corn flakes But you must say "Past Toastiss" (not "corn flakes") to your grocer, to get the suparior kind. now provided in English prisons, it is said the inmates u put on James Hales, chairman of the On- tario Board, is in Windsor nferring with R. A. 'Haynes, U. 8. eral pro- hibition commissioner, with regard to & campaign against border rum-run- ners. : - With {ts caudal fin a whale often - smashes a small boat to pieces, ~ Bhark fishing is an important in- dustry on the California coast. Quebec, Nov. 15.--Miss Cecil Leitch, British, French and Canadian woman golf champion, sailed today for Liverpool on the Empress of France. She was accompanied by her sister Edith. COULD HANDLE THE FAIR Lulu: You draw me to you ee gracefully, Joe. Car Lover: . You gee Fm so used to taking In the fire. The cobra is the most poisonous of snakes. v digg