THE DAILY I regard the state and property and marriage as the mere tyranny of the buorgoetsic, and that.] want to see class hatred carried to the point where it forces every one into broth- a erly love. Now, do I get in ?' The cflicial looked puzzled for a minute. 'You are not Irish, are you, sir ?* he said, 'No,' 'Then I think you can come in all right," he answered." BRITISH WHIG, pst Te ------ ee ---------- STEPHEN LEACOCK DISCOVERS ENGLAND | The Montreal Humorist Gives 8ome Amusing Impressions of His Recent Trip to the Old Country--He Asserts That the Scotch Are Really Quick in Seeing a Joker W. T. Allison. . r TA ns er en 0 4 To 12 © ie el FNL AG LIU . ol pa ty : - Ca or aus, 2 AEAARG SE Spraid SESE ere er 2 SILT Tools thats LRRESES 15 yo {Daylight Saving) as Practised in London. In' giving his impressions of Lon- don, Professor Leacock pretends to adopt the point of view of an unlet- tered American, Artemus Ward said that the tower of London was 'a sweet boon"; Leacock says "it is the principal penitentiary of the city, where Queen Victoria was imprison- ed for many years." He heard many Londoners talking about that strange and mysterious thing "the city." *I am still unable," he says, 'to de- cide whether the city'is a person, or a place, or a thing. But as a form of being I give it credit for being the most emotional, the most volatile, the most peculiar creature in the world. You read in the morning pa- per that the City is 'deeply depress- ed.' At noon it is reported that the City is 'buoyant) and by four o'clock that the Cify is 'wildly excited.' He admits that London people ara a little sensitive about the salubrivy and charm of their climate. "ihe notion that no sunlight ever gets through and that in the London win- ter people never see the sun is of Course a ridiculous error, circulated {no doubt by the jealously of foreign {nations. I have myself seen the sun |plzinly visible in London, without {the ald of glasses, on a November | day in broad daylight; and again {one night about four o'clock in the {afternoon I saw the sun distin tly |appear through the clouds. The | whole subject .of daylight in the London winter ds, however, one {which belongs rather to the tech- 'fnique of astronomy than to a bookd (of description. In practice daylight By Professor always say it comes from the other side. But the truth is that his hu- moor contains all that is best in the humor of both hemispheres." Brutality of Liverpool Customs Offi- cials. Every traveller to the old country is dmpressed by the carelessness of the customs and fmmigration offi- cials. The former, politely enquire whether you have any spirits or to- bacco in your luggage and pass every- thing else; the latter are even more hoepitable, Prof. Leacock points the contrast between New York and Liv- erpool officials in this amusing way, affording us a good example of Am- erican humor in his use of ¢xaggera- tion: "Without wishing in any way to disturb international relations, one cannot help noticing the rough and inquisitorial methods of the English customs men as compared with the gentle and affectionate weys of the American . officials at New York. The two trunks that I brought with me were dragged brutally into an open shed, the strap of one of them was rudely unbuckled, while the ld of the other was actually lift. ed at least four inches. The trunks were then roughly scrowled with chalk, the lds slammed to, and that was all. Not one of the officials seemed to care to look at my things or. to have the politeness to pretend to want to. I had arranged my dress suit and my pyjamas so as to make as effective a display as possible: a New York customs officer would Have - . ee is but little 'used. Electric been delighted with it. Here they [re burned all the time in all houses, simply passed it over. * 'Do open | this trunk,' I asked ome of the of. | >uldings, railway stations and clubs. | This practice which is now unlvar- clals, 'and see my pyjamas,' 'I dem't wid think it is necessary, sir,' the man | *1¥ Observed is called Daylight sav- ling. answered. There was a coldness | about it that cut me to the quick." In spite of all the disparaging re- marks that people on this side of the Atlantic make about the alleged slowness of the English and Scotch in picking up a joke, it cannot be denied that the works of Artemus Ward and Mark Twain at first re- ceived greater eulogies im London then in New York. And when hu- morists visited the old country they were accorded a royal welcome. Sooner or later all American humar- ists go on lecture tours to the old country to be lionized there, It was therefore a foregone conclusion that Prof, Stephen Leacock should try "o clean up some golden guineas in the fleld where Atremus and Mark gath- ered bumper harvests in years gone by. He is not a producer of as high grade humor as efther of the afore- mentioned masters; he is not nearly so original as either of them, but for one who has immersed himself for many years dn political economy, otherwise known as "he dismal sci- ence, he Is surprisingly gay. In fact his humorous works, such as "'Liter- ary Lapses," 'Nonsense Novels," | "Behind the Beyond" and "Sunshine Special accommodation from King-|Bketches," have had such a big sale ston, connecting at Toronto with | {n Bngland and Scotland that he wae thideuls and. lunches served or eion. assured of large audiences on the {other side, and I understand that his Best Beauty Doctor Daily use of Cuticura Soap, with touches of Cuticura Ointment now and then, keeps the skin fresh, smooth and clear. Cuticura Talcum is also ideal for the skin. oid Seap 25c. Olntment 25 and Ste. Talewn 25. Sold Cuticura Soap shaves without mug. ot 3 ol] AL HF kl Arig d ehh deg aa Ls HL DRE SS Harvest Help Excursions Aug. 11th and 21st WINNIPEG---$15.00 Plus % cent per miie beyond Re- furning % cent per mile to Winnipeg, plus $20.00. AN CARESS able prices, in restaurant cars (berth) colonia carn of lates: aemian'® | lecture trip last winter was very suc- Tickets and full information from | cessful. Leading literary men in J. P. Hanley, C.P. and T.A, G.T. Ry. | England greeted him ws a brother Kingston, Ont. beloved and Sir Owen Seaman, editor of Punch, did him the honor to act | as chairman at his first public ap- | pearance in London. With a shrewd- ness characteristic of an expert in economics, Prof. Leacock has capital- ized his British tour by recording his impressions In a book, "My Discov- ery of England" (8S. Cundy, Torom- to), which will probably net him as many pounds, shillings and pence, to say nothing of American and Cana- dian dollars, es his performances on the lecture platform. It is a book with hills and hollows, as are most humorous works, but I derived as nuch enjoyment from # as from anything ofit facetious fellow-coun- tryman has written. In reading it one has to remember that it has been prepared with one eye onEngland and the other on America, for an audi- lence there and here. Prof. Leacock Aug; 3|Sept. 710013 :;Laconlaly ag had, 80 to speak, one eye on the Aug. 17|Sept. 14|Oct Carmania *Aug. 31(8ept. 28|Oct. 78 ---- Scythia | POt 80d the other up the chimney. * Also sails from Boston Sept 1. = lights $i or: 7 rp a ar, oT LLLLUL Ln ERE in CUNARD] LY EON Rel ANCHOR-DONALDSON Montreal to Glasgow Aug. 11|Sept. 8/Oct. Aug. 31[Sept. 29|Oct. 2 The Purity of English Politics. One of the best paragraphs in thé | chapter with which Professor Lea- cock deals with English politics and the humors of the House of Parlia- ment, is his reference to the custom o! "asking-questions" in the Com- mons. He hits off the House of Lerds in these senences:--"I is gea- jerally said that somewhere in the | building is the House of Lords, | When they meet they are said to | come together very quietly before the {dinner hour, take a glass of dry |sherry and a biscuit (they are all { abstemious men), reject whatever J] bills may 'be before them at tue ticularly, sir' he answered. I was | . determined to arouse him from his [meh taks aHgthey dry sheiry lethargy. "Let me tell you, then." 13 wh os Journ or two years. said, 'that I am an anarchistic poly- | p Rg of the purity of English the main difference . 5 | politics, he says gamist, thet [ am opposed to all fp oo England and America in ee ta im. become to kill another of them and they knew it. They were aware that it they started laughing they might die. In a few minutes a second note was handed to the chairman. He announced very gravely, 'A second doctor is wanted." The lecture went on in deeper silence than ever. All the audience were waiting for a third announcement. It came. A new message was handed to the chair- man. He rose and said, 'If Mr. Mur- chison, the undertaker, is in the au- dience, will he kindly step outside.' "That man, I regret to say, got well. Disappointing though it is to read it, he recovered. I sent back next morning from London a tele- jgram of enquiry (I did it in reality 80 as to have a proper proof of his would be lost; inspiration would di®{death) and received the answer, 'Pa- upon one's lips--the basilisk isn't in| tient doing well: is sitting up in bed it with him." {and reading Lord Haldane's 'Rela. tivity'; no danger of relapse." --W. T. ALLISON. Cassandra . fack of inventiveness," he writes "What you mean is something yo cughtn't to have. The characte! § make their own plot--all the pl [ & lecture and found myself close to him in the corridor. It had baen a rather gloomy evening; the audi- ence had hardly laughed at ali; ard I know nothing sadder than a hum- orous lecture without lauz:icr. 'Ibe man with the big face, find.ng him- self beside me, turned aad said 'Some of them people warei't geit- ing that to-night." His tone of sya- pathy seemed to imply cha: he hai got it all himself; if so, ' he mus" have swallowed it whole without « sign. But I have since though: that this man with the big face may have his own internal form of ap..ecia- tion. This much, howeva*, . know" to look at him from the platfosm is fatal. Cne sustained look into his big motionless face and the lecture: Lethargy of Immigration Men. The immigration officials showed no curiosily whatever regarding the humorist"s ancestors, physical oddi- | ties, or political views: "' Do you want to know,' I asked one of them, 'whether I am a polygamist ?* 'No, sir,' he said very quietly. 'Would you like me to te!l you whether I age dun- damentally opposed to any and every system of government ?' The man seemed mystified. 'No, sir,' he said. 'I don't know that I would.' 'Don't you care ?' I asked. 'Well, not par- Montreal te Liverpool Aug. 19|Sept. 23|Oct. 21 Sept. 2|Sept. 30/Oct. 28 ... Bept. 16[{Oct. 14|Nov. 11 Montreal to Plymouth, Cherbourg and London Aug. 5|8ept. 9|Oct «.Tyrrhenia Ausonia there should be. Think of them if thbir relation to one another, and they will make your story, You struggle should be against every thing extraneous It 1s unusual pol nancy that makes a plot unusual, no J unusual plot." This may be all ver well for a man of genius, this care lessness about a plan for a story, bu most writers are not gifted with gen ius, and the weakness of most of their stories Mes just in this qua ter; they are lacking in structu power, ! Antonia --~Andania N. Y. te Queenstown and Liverpooi 3 Bir Owen Seaman's Swimming Feat. Before passing on to the subjeot- matter in this entertaining volume, Jet us Mnger for a moment over Sir Owen Seaman's introduction of the Montreal man of mirth. After ex- [forms of government. that I object | : rlaining to the distinguished Londen [to any kind of revealed religion, that |e aapget soutia to be that "our audience which heard Prof. Leacock's | nm ananannm | © anything for mon- {ey and the English politicians won't: first lecture, that the speaker was all- | Foot Bath Extracts Corns {they just take the mofey and won't British, being Englsh by birth and ce Si ple, Effective Me. |do a thing for it." He notes that Samadi by Josidondy, Lhe editor of : T C | English politicians love to cherish unct ] real thod, Painless Too. osts vig questions; they like to select a Little. er's humor is British by heredity, {question that {ig insoluble. "This but he has caught something of the guarantees that it will last. Tak spirit of American humor by force of | Corn agony can be stopped almost | F 2"ente le_the righ: ° : association. "This puts him dn a |at once, and the corn removed in a ro ; re © rights of the Crown similar position to that in which I brief time. The hot water method | * &falnst the people. That lasted found myself once when I took the |t2Kes the place of knife or the finger | fOr one hundred years--all the sev- i nail, which often causes blood pois-|enteenth century. [In Oklahoma or liberty of swimming across a rather oning. You proceed in this way, it|In Alberta they would have called a large loch in Scotland. After cMmb- takes only a minute or two and the | convention on the question, settled ing into th&%boat I was in the act of results are magnificent. Cover the|jt in two weeks and spoiled it for fu drying myself when 1 was accosted | corn or callous with Putnam's Corn ther use, In the same way tha -- by the proprietor of the ho'el ad-| Extractor. It keeps the part anti- tes jacent to 'the shore." 'You have no |ceptic during the brief time required | tant Reformation was used for a business to be bathing here, HLe | fOr tréatment. Later, take a hot foot | Jundred vents and the Reform Bill shouted. 'I'm not,' I said; 'I'm bath- : bath and off comes the corn, leaving Ing on the other side.' In the same the foot as smooth as a baby. It's way, if anyone on either side of the N. Y,, Cherbourg & Southampton Aug. 1]Aug. 22|Sept, 12 Aquitania Aug. $/Aug. 29(Sept. 19 Berengaria Ang. 15|8ept. 6|Sept. 26 «+... Mauretania N. Y., Ply, Cherbourg and Hambourg Aug. 3{Bept. 9(Oct. 14 ... .Saxonia Aug. 31{0ct. 5 -" Caronaia Boston -- Liverpool « Queenstown Sept. 20|0¢t. 18 -- ' But I should make an exception o Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's official hi tory of the South African War an his volumes on the late war. He ha {the happy faculty of making ever thing that he writes interesting. An em I feel sure that whether it can b "Souls " By RE ae a of "The jcalled official or not, a book ti . : "What | Rudyard Kipling is now writing wi » | old our attention. At present he { laboring on a history of the Iriel Guards. After all that Rudyard ha sald in disesteem of Ireland, it seem strange that he should have taken uj this theme, but perhaps he think] | that Ireland's military Mulvanys {deem her reputation. ---- How Leacock Nearly Killed a Man. The most satisfying. experienc: of Professor Leacock's tour abroad, and what will strike most readers a;| one of the funniest Stories in thir | Thirteenth Commandmant," book, is to be found ia is Serouni |Win People Say?" "Clipped Wings,' of a lecture in the Midlaids. Helste. (New York, Harper and Bro- tells us that he nearly had the piea:- thers, publishers). ure of killing a man with laughing. | The life of the movie stars is pre- "American lecturers ha '@ often sented in an admirable manner by dreamed of doing this," hs : writes. the author, who shows them in their 1 nearly did it. The mai *h_que {dally routine in the studios a' Los tion was a comfortable apoplectic- | angeles, where pictures that delight Joking min With the kin} of Hany millions are produced by sweat of th rubicun 2 coun- | 7 avd dh tries where they don't hava prohibi- Yow, sidist Pals 4d teary. Aiongh tion. He was seated near the back all ot ig Ye Suess! ] shat . jmust go before proficiency is attain- of the hall and was laughlag UPTOAr oq, or a place hits rd the front ously. All of a sudden i realized | anys of screen. Incidentally tha N. Y., to Glasgow (via Moville) Aug. 19|Sept. 16 Aug. 25Sept. 23 .. lgeria ondon Cameronia BOSTON TO LONDONDERRY LIVERPOOL AND GLASGOW *Elysia *Cargo only to Glasgow. N. Y, to MEDITERRANEAN Oct. 26 (Crulse) .. Tuscania Nov. 26 (Cruise) . «+..Scythia Dec. 6 (Cruise) ..... .Tuscanla Feb. 10 (Cruise) ...civvnv..... Caronia For raves of freigh rthee Particulars apoly 30 10mal ayant op i Speaking of Kipling, a writer if that excellent London publication "John O'London's Weekly," says tha {be is perhaps the most even-selli 3 {author of our time. Other write] A Bouquet For the Humorous Scot. grand to get 'such quick results. Re- In his chapters on "Business In member Putnam's Painless Corn Ex- THE ROBERT REFORDCO., Lines BRAL AGENTS # KING STREET BAST TORONTO, ONT. water Is unintelligent enough 'o cri- ticise Mr. Leacock's humor, he can tractor, the antiseptic corn remover. At druggists. y Canadian National- Grand Trunk HARVESTERS WANTED GOING FARE $16 to WINNIPEG Plus half a cent a mile beyond to all points in Mani- , Alberta, Edmonton, Calgary, toba, Saskatchewan, McLeod snd east, GOING DATES 40,000 RETURNING FARE east thereof in Ontario. Caledon East, Beeton, Parry Sound, Sudbury, Capreol and Augustifthand 23rd. Toreato Inglewood and ail stations south and west $20 from WINNIPEG plus half a cent a mile from starting point to Winnipeg August 11th and iat Toronto, tang, Midland, Meaford, Speclal Trains Leave (standard Time) Lv. Toronto Aung. 11th, 9.00 am. 12.30 moon, | Lv, Otta fo 6.00 p.m. and 10.30 pam. oe pn Lv. Toronto and 1 Restaurant 1h. 000 am, 1.00 pm, om. AS Sio ant. 1230 noon, 6.00 pum. Ly. Ottawa Aug 31st, 9.00 Ban, 5.00 pm, For Times from Other Stations See Special Train Service Poster Through Solid Trains to Winni Special Tral Cars on Reasonable Prices. Travel the "National Way" THE CANADIAN NATIONAL REACHES DIRECT ALL IMPORT CENTRES IN WESTERN CANADA ANT DISTRIBUTING to Winnipeg when destined to any point beyond, ".[same on both sides of the Atlan England" and "Is Prohibition Com- ing to England"? Professor Leacock injects amid his fun some of his own serious views 'on economics. He is at his best, however, in the last two 'hapters of his book, "We Have With Us To-night" and "Have the English Any Sense of Humor?" In the formef he gives some very funny sketches of chairmen dnd his own ex- periences in being introduced by them both in Canadd end in Eng- land. In the last chapter he de- clares that audiences are much the tic and he goes out of his way to combat the assertion that the Scotch are not keen at seeing a joke. He thinks that the more intelligent people are the quicker they are to apreciate hu- mor and as the Scotch are "a truly educated people in the sense of hav- ing acquired interest in books and a respect for learning," there is no bet- ter audience in the world for a hum- .orous lecturer than one in Glasgow or Edinburgh. So the old standing Joke about the Scotch lack of a sense of humor is mere nonsense. as ¢ The Big Man With the Melon Face. Professor Leacock has many com- ical things to tell us concerning his trials as a lecturer. He hates peo- ble who listen in stolid silence. "I find," he says, "that wherever I go there is always seated in the andi- ence, about three seats from the front, a silent man with a big mo tionless face like 'a melon. He is always there. I have seen 'har man in every town or city from flea mond, Indiana, to Bournem uth in Hampshire. He haunts me. 1 get to expect him. 1 feel like nodding to him from the platform. And I find that all other lecturers have the sare experience. Wherever they go the man with the big face 15 always there. He never laughs; 0d matter if the people all around him are ton- '{vulsed with laughter, he sits there iike a rock--or, no like & toal-- fin- movable. What he thinks I don't know. Why he comes to leciures 1 cannot guess. Once, and ones oniy, I spoke to hm, or, rather, he tpox2 to me. 1 was coming out from ine that something was happen 1g. man had collapsed sideways om to the floor; a little group of men ga- thered about him; they 1iited him up and I could see them carrying him out, a silent inert mass. As In dutv bound I went right on wit: my lee- ture. But my heart beat high with satisfaction. I was sure th i I had killed him. The reader uay judge how high these hopes ross when a moment or two later a note was handed to the chairman wu» then The | jauthor combats the erroneous idea [that immorality is fostered, or in any way conntenancted, or that it is some- thing to which the actors and ac- tresees are peculiarly exposed. In 'he stern realities of film production the very best is demanded of those selected to interpret the various parts |of the theme presented, and only | "hose possessing euperfor qualifica- [5 attain the distinction of s'ars, In this story the author reseunes a asked me to pause for a moment in | *®@Utiful young girl, the daughter of my lecture and stood up ad asked 'Is there a doctor in the audience"' A doctor rose and silently weat out. The lecture continued; but there was no more laughter; my aim had now "DR. FOWLER'S" rns Saved the Lives of Four Children ---- : iv Diarrhoea, dysentery, cholera in- fantum and summer complaint are responsible for more deaths, especial- ly among children, during the sum- mer months than any other form of disease. According to statistics, in the City of Toronto alone, in the past five years out of 1008 deaths of child- ren, from diarrhoea, 757 died during the four summer months. It there- fore behooves every mother to look after her children on the first sign of any looseness of the bowels by us- ing Dr. Fowler's Extract of Wild Strawberry, a remiedy that has been on the market for the past 77 years, and has been proven to be the best there is. Mrs. Harold Sellers, Pennfield, N. B., writes: -- "Dr. Fowler's Extract of Wild Strawberry saved the lives of four of my children when all other remedies failed. It stopped the velopments. a minister who preached against the ovios. from the consequences of a fatal mistake and found for her a oareer as a film star by which she brought honor to her family. Literary Notes. One of the soundest histories of Canada that has ever been written Is 8ir John Bourinot's volume fn the "Story of the Nations" serfes. T am glad to hear that the English pub- lisher, T. Fisher Unwin, has just issued a third edition of this work with another chapter on recent de- This has been written by Mr. William H. Ingram. Some of ths literary men over ia London must be Hving in clover just now, it the statement is true that the British government, or some depart- ment of it, has already padd out over £400,000 upon the official history of the war. An official historian must be almost as expert a contriver of extras as an architect. In view of the urgent demand for economy in England just now, it seems almost in. eredible that the most careless cabi- net minister could authorize such a huge and we might say such an un- necessary expendbure as this, for of- ficial histories are almost always as dry as dust. Booth Tarkington, who, according vomiting and terrible diarrhoea with which they were troubled. 'I will al- ways recommend it, and now always | have a bottle on hand in case of emergency." . : Price, 50c. a bottle; put up only tc a recent vote, is the most popular novelist in the United States, bas ex- rfressed his Merary creed in a letter to a friend. What he says ebout plot-making will come as a great sur- prise to his fellow-noveliets. "Don't by The T. Milburn Co., Limited, To- roato, Ont. warry about plot, or your alleged {dhe now up, now down, in the seliid lists, but Kipling's books continue #o forth in tens of thousands mon after month, year after year, into a parts of the world. His bes' -eelli books are "'Barrack-Room Ballads, the "Jungle Books," "Kim," ang "Plain Tales from the Hilla" Hi can dean back on his 'oars now an watch hie royalties coming in jjust securely as John D. Rockefeller h dividends fn w Standard oil stock. Barry Pain has' written a parod: jot Hutchinson's novel, "If Win {Comes," under the title, "If Summe! {Don't." Mr. Hutchinson can affort to 'ake this alarming news calmly for his novel has already sold 365, 000 coples in the United States and is still going strong both there an in Great Britain, TA, To be fond pf ledrning is to be al the gate of knowledge Only weaklings hug regrets. i i mn Do Your Ears Buzz ? Have You Headaches When your ears ring, your hea aches, and you seem slightly hard hearing, beware of Catarrh Mr. A. "Hammil writing from Gree mount, P. I, was similarly troubled and writes: "No one could 'haw worse Catarrh than I had for year It caused partial deafness, bad tist upset my stomach, made me sick a over. '"'Catarrhozone" cleared m nostrils, stopped the cough and gav me a clear feeling in my breathin organs. I am now absolutely wel thanks to "Catarrhozone." Nothin 80 certain as a Catarrhozone Inhale {to strengthen a weak throat, to ri you of Bronchitls, to drive out Cal tarrh, coughs and colds. Sold every where, 26c., 50c., and one dollar fo complete two months' treatmen Dealers, The Catarrhozone Co., ¢ Montreal. ) rm so --~ UR. MARTEL'S FEMALE PILLS FOR WOMEN'S All iN 25 years standard for Painful Menstruation. Sealed package only, all druggists or dir by mafl. Price $2.00. Xnickerbocke Remedy Co., 71 E. Front St, Ti route, Delayed an ¥ tig