Censor Fox Trot? A "Delayed Resolution" In Music Thins Stout- est When Taken With New Dances New York Crrv.~Too fat? Lots of people are--but not many have the thrilling experience of Fanny 'Watson, who awoke one morning to [find herself getting, thinner and get- ting paid for it. | Fanny does a stunt with her sis- ger in vaudeville, and of course she's plways adding new quirks and turns to her act. The other day she-- Put let her tell it { "Of course I knew I was too fat," she admits frankly, "but I was lazy odike a Jot of women. I hated It Keeps Never! Flapper Slender 7 AN end | ) TT exercise and I loathed dieting. So I went on my sugary, near-obese way until that glad morning when my dress bands began to overlap and I had the merry whim 'to get weighed. Maybe you won't believe it, but as near as I could figure I had lost ten pounds in two weeks! Finds Reducing Painless "l wasn't going into a decline, that was evident, for I looked and felt better than I had for ages, but I consulted a doctor anyway and he explained the whole thing. "It was my new act, a burlesque fox trot to 'Stealing' sung by my little sister, Kitty. I say 'burlesque' but I really mean exaggerated be- cause there was nothing burlesque about the effort I put into my trot- ting, and according to the doctor, that effort was literally 'stealing' away 'my pounds. -- "wont FAMOUS "WITS" OF HISTORY By MARK STUYVESANT, - os his wife begged that she might we How Mary Grotius Saved Her Hus. | uly. 1608, she was . ) Hugh Grotius, a famous writer, and just was granted On cogdition that band from Death in Prison. Mary Grotius was the daughter of, 1t is the stor Baron Reigesberg of Zealand. WHERE CUPID REIGNS SUPREME. . "Above is shown the Palace Theatre at Hammonton, N.J., of cupid's court was held under Co-operative Union. ment day for 2,000 persons who have submitted monial affairs before a tribunal of twelve. where the opening session -the auspices of the Lovers' married to y of her loyalty to hm Ou [and how she gained his release from! It was judg- their matri- Applicants are re- Delayed Resolution Does It "*You cover a mile and a quarter in every twenty minutes you fox trot' he explained, 'and if you have a song with a constantly recur- ring delayed resolution, you'll get a certain czitation that keeps you constantly on the go all the time you're dancing.' "Well, I never heard of delayed resolution before, but 'Stealing' has it all right. We tested it to see Everytime Kitty starts: 'Stealing, stealing, with your eycs Appealing, There's a tender feeling in my ° heart for you' 1 figure off goes another pound. That's why one part of my act won't be changed for many months. "My friends say I'm the luckiest woman in the world. Instead of torturing myself to get thin, I draw my salary for painless reducing I* : [prison which places her among tue {heroines of the olden times. In 1619, Grotius was sentenced to prison for life because he dared to (tell the truth as he saw it in gua | writings on potitics. When he was sent to the fortress of Louvestem, | permitted to go with him. The re- if she once entered the prison sae should never come out again. Her love for her husband bemg stronger than her love for freedou;, Mary Grotius readily consented to 80 into confinement for life. In pns- on, Grotius devoted himself entirely to his literary success, with his hep- ful wife ever beside him. White Grotius worked and studied. Mme. Grotius was seeking to find a way wo effect the liberation of her husbana. She had gained the consent of tne prison officials to borrow books tor him. The books were carried back and forth in the chest in which his clothes were carried to and from nts laundress. The first year the suarus were very exact in examining the trunk. But never finding anything save linen and books they finally ge. came careless, and did not bother ts open the trunk as it was carried out of the prison. If Mme Grotius could only pre- vall upon her husband to make his escape in the trunk! Could it be done? The trunk was only three and one- half feet in length, and he was not 4 small man. Besides, the trip from Louvesteln to Gercom was a long one. Finally, Mme. Grotias bored holes in the trunk and concealed her hus- band in it for about as long as she * thought it would take her to makes the trip.. Yes, he could stand it. So one day he disappeared while the commandant of the prison was away. The faithful wife pretended that her husband was very fll for several days and begged the Jail keepers not to come near their comi- | partment for fear of disturbing him. Soon they discovered that Gro- tius had made his escape. How had he managed to get away? What did Madame know? He was missing. that was all, and she had feared to tell them. : Grotius went to Paris where Re had many friends to hide him. Final. }ly Mme. Grotius was released from prison after the search for her huss band seemed futile, and she joined him in France. They were never re: captured: ~ ---- -------------- friends, for the reason thai we not choose them. Make the best of everything, think the best of everything, hope the best for yourself, can- Our relatives cannot siways be our THE DAILY BRITISH WHIG. Turmoll on a Turnpike (Crawf. C. Slack) } Aa ! jr you looking for folks of a dit- ferent kind, |And search through the humans, you | rarely would find, {A more varied crowd than journeyed one day, {To & small country town in the old fashioned way. Distinct characteristic displayed, Which ranged from the grouch the smiling young maid; They were transients of different callings and age, And were being conveyed from the railway by stage. there was to A preacher rode there, filled with Joy-killing grace, And a suffragette boss with a mascu- line face; A pack-toteing Jew with a solder- iron nose, And a "flapper" who prided in show- ing her hose; A fussy old maiden with glasses and book, A Dbootlegger, also a crook, A windy old chap from the "land of the free" And a maker of doggerel verse-- that was me. real estate We lumbered along over the cordu- roy and knoll, We bumped over sluice-way plunged into hole, Each one seeming wrapped up thought all their own, And all was serene, when the stage struck a stone. The sky-pilot, who had béen taking | a nap, Was landed head-first in the suf- fragette's lap. The pack-toteing Jew was sprawled out lke a toad, And the Yankee yelled "Ain't this a h-- of a road ?" and in era A Sl FE Re NAVY CUT I got all tangled up with the "flap-| per' and hose, And the fussy old maid threw a fit! at our pose; threw up her hands, her glasses and book, And fell in the arms of the real es- tate crook. land-shark, of course, things very calm, Asked his bootlegger friend, "If had any balm?" | The fellow replied, * have some in| my grip, | you'll certainly find some on i 8he dropped | | | | | | The taking | he | But the stage driver's hip." "Well, get the dope, quick," said the | shark to the man, | Which he did, and 'twas then the] trguble began. The preacher objected, but such was in vain, For he doused the old dame with it time and again, They loosened her tippet and tore off her wig, "Rub it in," said the Yank, give her a swig." They complied to his proved a success, And we passed the balm 'round to relieve the distress. "and wish and it The Sheeny exclaimed "Mine Goot, I'm come dead," driver get ting damit- wrong mit hees head." A Cockney called him bloody auss,' I admitted 'the driver was first that class. The suffragette said "that such men made her tired, That from places of tMust they all should be fired." | Here the driver sald "Mrs, I wont stand your talk, Should you not like our style you can get off and walk." "Dot "Au blimed in The preacher remarked that in all of his days He never met men with such devil. ish ways; Such vilManous #in he never had found, Or language profane, though he'd covered much ground. He claimed he had travelled all over the globe, Andthe vilest of dens had managed to probe; He'd seen crimes in the slums of wet 10 for 20% also in packages of 20 and in tins of 50 & 100 There is Health in a glass of O'Keefe's Imperial Ale, Lager or Stout. Wholesome, pure and satisfying to the palate, O"Keefe's Imperial Brews have all the benefic- ial tonic qualities and food value of hops and barley, combined in delicious beverages. FRIDAY AUGUST 18, 1923. rl YER' CIGARETTES REMEMBER It you want dobing done, do call on us, but if you want Arak ave decorating, then telephone 2090J. for fainting and decorating ig our usiness. W. H. FRANCIS | 35 SIXTH ST. Phone 3000, - ons AUTO TOPS RECOVERED and : REPAIRED {| R. H. JONES 300 PRINCESS STRERT Phone 153. me O'Keefe's Brews are sold at hotels, restaurants and cafes. (GET IT REPAIRED Ld scissors and edge tools ground. | Locks repaired. Keyn Afted to Hi Kinds of locks. All makes of Lavwu mowers sharpesed and re~ paired. We van repair snyialnyg | want as repairable, J. M. PATRICK 140 Sydenham St Kisgston Phone Sova. Montreal, . But the language and acts of that day beat them all Here the bootlegger sald: 'Most Rev- erent Sir, ' I don't want to critize, doubt you or slur, But referring to oussedness, Sir, yu dare green, And I doubt that a brand of the real kind you've séen; If compared to the 'pink stuff' I'll give you a hunch, That we'd be considered a prayer- meeting bunch. ; It's a counterfeit brand we produce here to-day, To the kind which Toronto puts up, 80 they say." -------------- Goes One Better, A correspondent says: An article was noted ia the Kingston Whig where a farmer in that district had 100 tons of hay in his barms, and expected to thresh 1,000 bushels of grain. That sounds very good, but a farmer in Tyendinaga Reserve has 147 tons of hay in his barns and ex- pects to thresh 4,000 bushels of to one month in jail. They were ar- rested in Peterboro. NOTICE © | M. J. MALLEN | is still conducting the Automobile Repairing Business at corner Cole borne and Barrie streets. All ree pairs will receive personal atten tion. Large cars washed, $1. | Small cars washed, 78¢. TELEPHONE 1008&, Zeal without knowledge is fine without light. Virtue and happiness are mother and daughter, = . Don't allow yourself to be forced by too great anxiety about puting up a good front, : N CANADA The All-Weather treads you buy in July will pull you outof the snow in \Januarv' Theyre rary rough and tough The Goodyear Tire & Rubber Ca 3 presented by questionnaires sent in to the union from which 'decisions are made. Every class of society is represented, {from every part of the Upifed States and Canada, What is good but looking Conversing with a man who always | good? Fleeing for everything | c Canada, Limited agrees with you is lke talking to an There is a remedy ho, - . seuld we hit wpon it,