THE DAILY BRITISH WHIG a -- fa SE pay * HUMAN NATURE HALF SHELL By Joseph Van Raalte po Compighe, tose, tp impression that if he For forty years he's at mother and The time has come for someone to tell old Ed. Howe, of Atchison, Kansas, just where he gets off, He goes round growling about how old and ugly and heavy and hoarse he is--creating the impres- sion that he does mot believe in Santa Claus and doubts the power of love. He wants you to get the idea that if he were a barn hinge and you Hardwood --Al80-- SOFT WOOL AND SLABS KENNY & FALLON. PHONE 687. a 137-141 CLERGY STREET boiled him for dinner, you'd find him 80 tough you'd have tv chew the gravy. He's seventy now, and has been carrying on like that since we were three years old. Once upon a tithe he owned and managed the Atchison Globe--an eight-column journalistic success in a one-column town. He was editor for three decades, and then, fourteen years ago, when the paper was grinding out a net in- come" of $60 a day, he turned the lines over to his son and retired to his country place, "Potato Hill" to a Eh IP. C. LAWSON| | KINGSTON'S LEADING FLORIST put an oil finish on his reputation as a woman hater, For forty years Ed. Howe has been hurling at Mother and « the Girls verbal vegetables like the fol- lowing: Girls like to consider themselves fawns at bay, sdirrounded by a pack of yelping hounds. But matural his. tory fails to record one instance of where the fawns got out and chased the hounds. A woman is as old as she looks before breakfast. Every woman hatés the. word "fe- male." A woman never returns from the cemetery without abusing some man for the way his wife's grave 1 ne- glected. Sometimes I think I have nothing to be thankful for; but when I re- member that I am not a woman, I am content. Men have their faults; but they seem to be more popular than wo- men as lodgers and boarders. 'There used to be a time, way back In the early days, when we thought old Bd. Howe was on the level. We were nineteen then, and in love with a girl named Henrietta. Her last name has slipped our memory, but we remember that she was a darn nice girl. We went away to the Boer War to become a hero--Henrietts was much too fine a girl to marry just a plain, ordinary bonbon and violet toter~--and' while we were away sa tellow named Percy Speckles used to go round to her house to cheer her loneliness. She kept getting less lonely as time went on, and finally, one night, Percy said to her, could she find it in her heart to marry him? He said all he had to offer pepuclal attention given your family going to or returning from n! baie Sous try. RR HANLEY, C.P. & TA. C. N. : Canadian NN 1 Si Hint Fuonin 8 sna Ton apply or write Ry) 3 ational Raflway on, corner Johnson and Ontario day was hig manly love and half a mil lion dollars, Henrietta was an awful kind girl. We know she couldn't have loved Percy, 'cause she said she loved us. And while the average girl may have heart enough to love two men at the. time, she usually has brains not to try it. Rather than gee Percy live to MONEY AT WORK 2 \ but Yassens in and Investments | Low PRICES I ABUYING or become al The Story of Old Ed. Howe, who tries to give the a were a barn hinge and you "boiled him for dinner you'd, find him so tough you'd have to chew the been hurling verbal vegetables the girls aiméd at women and sometimes at mere man. gravy. brevet bachelor she said she sup- posed she'd have to consent, We returned home and became embittered, took up socialism in a serious way and, in occasional pieces to the newspapers and magazines, advertised that we wee through with women. e And oh, lady! Wasn't old Ed. Howe a comfort in those days! We remember the boyish exhuberance with. which we quoted him. . And sométimes we dispensed altogether with the little formality of quoting. We simply lifted his stuff outright. In many cases he had so obviously taken the words right out of our mouth! that we hadn't any scruples at all about appropriating his philis- ophy. We met Henrietta ten years ago, in Paris. She had changed a whole lot. She had taken on what Ed. Howe would call "the middle age spread." She told us that Percy had died and was awaiting her in heaven. We've often thought since that that was pretty white of Percy. Ed. Howe has observed that men keep on saying they can't stand it, but he's noticed they always do. That was the way with us, in the case of Henrietta, We were all bust- ed up at the time, but we recovered sufficiently to marry and annex a Queen Ann cottage with ' .an old Greek mortgage. But we still went on believing in Ed. Howe. And 'then one day wd ran across one of his paragraphs in which he and neglect their wives." - We began to wonder it maybe he hadn't bolted the convention and moseyed over to the defense of the fair to-day and stormy to-morrow sex, ~*~ " That Was the firéf of a shower of mean cracks from Potato Hill, aimed at mere man. Hd, opined that too miny mén waste their time telling thelr troubles when they ought to be out advertising their business. And he took occasion to remark that he had never *ncountered & man who was too poor to buy tobacco. Then one day, some time later, he breezed out with this one: "The trouble in the world is near- Iy all due to the faet that one-half of the people are men and the other half women." We saw righ away, then, what had happened. Bd. had started to distill so much bootleg sarcasm up there on Potato Hill, and he'd got such a tremendous supply on hand that thefe weren't women enough in the world to use it all up om, and so he'd started to unload on the men, Through it all, however, he kept up his old form, every once in awhile letting loose something like this: "The difference between a good Woman and a bad woman is that a good woman raises hell with only one man." ' In the year 1910 Bd. Howe pub- the title: Country Town Sayings. . | Suctaate within relatively wide " ) limits over a period of years. never needs to be alarmed by price fluctuations tfiough, unless Hs declines rapidly against the general ra of the market, which would indic of the security behind it had suf- fered > When the prices of all high grade bonds fall, as in 1920, there is no eAuse for alarm. On the hand, it is really an oportunity to buy at bargain prices. | She who has never loved has never lived. " You Can Eat . Anything You Like sald: "Too many men honor women lished some of his 'remarks under | ate that the value | other | ice WHAT VAN RAALTE SAYS ED. HOWE SAYS "The trouble in the world is nearly all due to the fact that one-half of the people are men and the other half wo- men." "The difference between a 800d woman dng a bad we man is that a good woman raises hell with only one man." "Too many men honor wo- men and neglect their wives." We bought one of the books, and next day a friend borrowed it. We've been thirteen years trying to get that book back or to buy another copy. Our intention was to write a story about Hd. Howe, based on that book. We were going to call our yarn: An Appreciation of a Woman Hater. . It is not generally known but Ed. Howe is awfully stingy with the books he publishes. He won't let any of the libraries carry them, and in our long search we encountered ouly one bookseller who had heard of Country Town Sayings. He said he had to give up handling the vol- ame. He told us everytime he pried a few coples out of the publisher, people came in and bought them right up. "There's fo sense . in. trying to keep a book like that in stock," he said. The publisher is a mysterious bird named Crane, in Topeka. We wired him an order for the book, and after waiting a month for a reply con- cluded he was probably pained and grieved that anyone had found out tae book was on sae market. We were still on the trail of the book several weeks ago, when Ed, Howe made one of his periodic trips to New York. The newspaper men gathered round him, and here's the heretical song he sang to the metro. politan scribes: "I hate the modern girl. The lip- sticking, corset-parkiLg, stocking- rolling vamps of the cosmetic age do not appeal to me, The old-fash- ioned girls are better in every way. They made virtues of motherhood and housekeeping. J think the girls nowadays are tra too fast. "But, if they are going to hell, I suppose I'll just have to go along with em!" We' don't want his old book any more, and we have changed, our mind about writing that Apprecia- tion of a Woman Hater, because we hereby remounce Ed. Howe, and all his works and pomps, forever. If he never writes another book we're glad of it. There are troubles enough in this world without being kidded by a Potato Hill philosopher. We don't think Ed. Howe hates women at all, We don't think he's ever hated them. Our belief is that he's a bushy-browed old fellow with a sympathy warm as young love and a heart in his rough and tough old breast as big as Jumbo's hind leg. We're not sore at you, Bd. We aren't even incensed. As the fellow says one time, he says: "There's so many things goes wrong, I'm be- ginning to get plumb tired of becom- ing indignant." And come to think of it, Bd., darn- ed If it wasn't you that said it. WHY THE WEATHER? eed Ameris scsisoreios and His IFE, ehythm, this | L exceptional fax-trot gem as plaged by Besos yar "A Love is the a " Scag? on same record Played by the Manha: ask any "His Master's Voice" dealer for "His Master's Voice"-Victor Record No. 19151 Oh Tike Those Lips, joy--all these we promise in' easy a fox-trof as ttan » and it too is ry al About ea to. very day "His Master's Voice" -Victor Record No. 19204 Have you these big dance hits? Just a Girl That Men Forget Steal a Littlé Kiss "His Master's Voice"- I Love Yoo--Fox-trot The Life of a Rose-- Fox-irot --Walls . The Troubadours While Dancing --Walts ' Green and Arden Orchestra Victor Recosd No. 19156 Paul Whiteman and His Orchestra Charles Dornberger's Orchestra 10-inch double-sided, 75c. HEROINES OF HISTORY Sates cttante the Live By Mark Stuyvesant. The Woman Who Became a Great Religious One of the most remarkable wo- men to be registered among the hero- ines of history is known among us chiefly through her effort toward establishing in the Oeccident the phil- osophy of the Orient---theosophy. But Helena P. Blavatsky, accom- plished many things, both for her- self and for humanity, during her Seventy-one years on earth, One of the most astonishing was her mastery of forty languages and Yplecis, all of which she wrote, read \ spoke, | able work, "Isis Unveiled." 'The 'volume contains a complete history of ancient and modern mysticism. The next year the remarkable the. ed in the United States the Theoso- ~ phical Society of America. ' The object of the society was to form a universal brotherhood of hu- maunity, to study Aryan literature, re. ligion and science and to explain the hidden mysteries of nature and the latent-power of man, Another work of Madame Blavat- sky was editing the "Pheosophist," published in Bombay, She died fn 1891, EE ------ All The Children Present. Mr. and Mrs, Frank Reonus, Pembroke, recently celebrated their golden wedding annfyersary, Six sons and four daughters were pre- sent on the special occasion. Lately the venerable couple have been Hy- ing with their daughter, Mrs. @. Kohls, I ---------- A man is not completely born gail he is dead. There never was a good war or bad peace. . ologian came to America and -found- Blended from choice leaves the pick of the world's tea gardens in Ceylon a