* % ¥ EE ---- ESSN EN The Most Important-- The Most Interesting-- SUMMER FICTION Marjorie B. McClure John Oxenham HIGH FIRES by THE PERILOUS LOVERS by GERALD CRANSTON'S LADY by ....Gilbert Frankan BARDELYS THE MAGNIFICENT by Sabatini THE TERMS OF CONQUEST by ...Howard V. O'Brien THE INVERTED PYRAMID by ...Bertrand W. Sinclair SURPLUS by Sylvia Stevenson HEIRS APPARENT by Philip Gibb BEHOLD THIS DREAMER by Fulton Oursler RE-CREATIONS by Grace Livingston Hill THE DREAM by . H. G. Wells R. Uglow & Co. / me Before placing your order for a Monument, or having Letter- ing done in cemetery SEE J. E.Mullen 887 Frontenac St., Kingston 'Phone 1417. Hard Wood Choice Body Hardwood. Soft Mixed Wood. . Kindling and Slabs. "BYZANTA" WARE Fine English lustre in Candle Sticks Flower Bowls Salad Bowls Tea Sets Honey Jars Mayonnaise Bowls Bon Bon Flower Holders Chas. Bedore & Son 840 NELSON STREET Phone 1746J. Kinnear & d'Esterre Princess Street, Kingston i ----) Dr. Waugh DENTIST 106 Wellington St. Phone 256. BRICK, STONE, PLASTERING AND TILE SETTING DOUGLAS & McILQUHAM CONTRACTORS JOBBING WORK A SPECIALTY. PHONES 2267F---928W, 400 ALBERT STREET EHR 0 J "An Acceptable Gift FOR THE BRIDE ~--Stainless Steel Knives. ~----Community Plate Silverware. ~--Casseroles with Pyrex Inserts. ~--Cut Glass. ~----Fine China. Our prices are the lowest, quality con- sidered. China, Glass and Silverware. 'Robertson's Limit 73 Princess St. Shoe Specia Children's Brown Muleskin Sandals-- Allsizes................ . $1.00 pair Children's Brown Canvas Strap Slippers-- White rubber soles and heels. All sizes, $1.00 pair. Boys' Brown or Black Lace School Boots-- Sizes 1to5 ........«.....$2.99 pair ALLAN M. REID SHOE STORE THE D Fortiob . Maxson Junerz | One chicken hoped in the barnyard, | To have her humble fling, | But the other aspired to royalty-- | Chicken a la King! ---Mrs. G. W. Pearsoa. PEPE Ebb beret Nothing Succeeds Like-- A salesman, Harry Potash by | name, employed by a company deal- | ing in feathers, sold to Mortimer Cohen, an experienced dealer, a car-| | load of feathers. This was the larg-! est order of its kind the salesman ! { had ever heard about, and he attach- | ed a note to the order saying, "I| guess this puts a feather in my hat." | The feathers were shipped and a| few days later the sal>sman received | from his firm the following letter. | "With reference to your order for | Mortimer Cohen, we wish to advise that the order has been shipped and | | received by your customer. We are | | enclosing herewith three feathers; | | stick one of them in your hat, and | attach one to each shoulder and fly | home; Cohen has failed." --G. P. McNeal. | The Inquisitive Reporter. | Our Inquisitive Reporter yesterday asked this question of four people | chosen at random: i "If it took three generations to | ripen Greek Culture and six months | to mature a good crop of alfalfa, how long does it take for the averag: | woman to reach the age of discre- tion?" | Henry Hemp, contractor: | | | to night school, and plumb forgot to | study Greek." J. C. McQuade, osteopath: "Un- | doubtedly, but if cigarettes effect you that way, why don't you smoke | a pipe?" Hazel Hart, waitress: "Well, I'll admit I'm not as y.ung as I used to be, young man, bu. I've still got strength enough to signal a cop | when these freshies get too annoy- ing." Carleton Williams, broker: "It's very unlikely. The market has been very unsettled lately and the only stock that shows any significant ac- tivity is St. Vitus Preferred." Fate. In solitude a melancholy soul was craving For a sweetheart, his long lost pearl; Close by, in a padded cell, another was raving, Poor soul---he married the first one's girl. --M. H. Corelli. Who Was the Judge? Judge: "Do you drink?" Rastus: "Well, Jedge, am it a' in- vitation or jes' an investigation?" «All the girls act the same way when they want a kiss. The differ- ent consists in their actions when they want another one. Adequate Coverage. "Johnny burned a hole in his pants." "Did he carry any insurance?" "No. His coat tail covered the loss." --Harry C. Holmes. Jingle-Jangles. Summer time looks good, by heck, These winter flannels scratch my neck. --E. L. O'Brien. * * - He went out one night, stay'd till four, But now his key won't fit her door. --Mrs. G .B. Stone. Old times and old lures, wine, wo- men and song, New times bring new habits, boot- leggers, Mah-Jong. --Elizabeth B. Slifer. Mr. Chappell Passes By. Bird Song. The poet interprets the song of the bird, 3 In lovely, poetiéal terms, But he knows in his heart that the song he just heard Means nothing whatever worms. but The Report Card. I got a "D" in 'rithmetic; I know it must be bad, 'Cause every time my Pa says "D--" My Ma get awful mad! No Doubt of It. been mixed up in some rather shady business transactions." Kross: "You don't mean it." Kriss: "I certainly do. He's a manufacturer of awnings." Definition of a Flapper. A flapper is a girl who powders her nose, bobs her hair, and says to herself: "Clothes, I am going down- town. If you want to come along, hang on." --R. A. Bell, -- Hey Corn--C'mon over! "Bobbie," said the ratchful moth- er to her son, "I don't want you to! allow any children in school to call you anything but your right name." Bobbie: "But mother, they have already nicknamed me 'Corns'." Mother: "Gracious me! Why ds they call you that?" Bobbie: . "Because I'm always at the foot of my class." ~--Harry Burke. "You | can search me, Mister, I only went | Kriss: "That chap, Dawson, has|gq . Ethel: "What makes you so sure AILY BRITI She placed her marriage certificate in their safety deposit box |! last week!" PEPPER PLPRPECETIEIPISPS * + HOW TO WRITE * WHAT WE WANT. v| + Burlesques. Burlesques are the most dif- ficult to write. They call for skilful and ludicrous represen- tation. They tend to excite laughter hy extravagant and exaggerated images. Burlesques should not the form of mockery. There is a very fine distinction. The Dr. Traprock series form one of the finest examples of true and successful burlesque. Take any serious subject. Treat it in a farcical manner. Give it ironical twists. You will gradually get the knack of true burlesque writing-- which is better obtained by reading them in THE FUN SHOP department than by de- tailed explanation. * + + + *| + + | | take | | | | f * * + +> <* + + CEP FPL FETIP EPP PEY + + * * * + + +* + + + + + + + + * * | */ * But Not With the Scissors. They brought their sewing along to sew, But the stitches they took were few, -- They worked at ripping to pieces the "reps" Of all of the girls that they knew. SH WHIG GANANOQUE June 14.--Mrs. Willlam Edwards | and Miss Helen Rees were the win- | ners in 'the two-ball foursome play- | ed Thursday afternoon, for the Mrs. | {S. C. Taylor 'prize. | cellent competition, in which sixteen | | took part. | | Mrs. Gliddon, Ottawa, is in town | visiting her father, J. B. Turner, | Ray Turner is also a visitor in town | It was an eo from India. Mr. and Mrs. Arthur and children, Toronto, were in town a couple of days this week. motored down. Mrs. Sherron and daughter Mar- | have arrived from Pelican | garet Rapids, Michigan, and will spend the next few months here with the former's mother, Mrs. son. Mr. and Mrs. E. B. Byers are mot- | oring to Belleville to spend the week ! end. Mrs. M. B. Stack, Brockville, is | | the guest of her mother Mrs, James | McLennon. ! Miss MacIntyre, Montreal, Latz. Miss Boyrs, Picton, is the guest of Mrs. James McKennon. Mrs. Wesley Hall went down to New York for a few days ago to bring her son, Dr. Hall home. Dr. Hall has been seriously ill pneumonia- and is coming home to recuperate, Readers are requested to contri- bute. All humor: epigrams (or humorous mottoes), jokes, anec- dotes, poetry, burlesques, satires, and bright sayings of children, must be original and unpublished. Ac- cepted material will be paid for at from $1.00 to $10.00 per contribution; from 25c. to $1.00 per line for poetry according to the character and value of the contribution, as determined by the Editor of "The Fun Shop." All manuscripts must be waitten on one side of the paper only, should bear name of this newspaper, and should be addressed to Aun Shop Headquarters, 110 West 40th Street, New York City. Unaccepted contri- butions cannot be returned. 100 WEAK TO WALK The Sad Condition of a Brandon Lady--How Relief Came. "I owe my present good health to Dr. Williams' Pink Pills," says Mrs. Annie Treherne, Brandon, Man., who tells of her new found health as fol- lows: --~*Some years ago I had an at- tack of pneumonia and it left me in a terribly weakened and run-down state. 1 was unable to walk for a long time as I had practically lost the use of my legs, and had to be carried upstairs, for I had not the strength to go myself. I became des- pondent over my condition for I had tried many remedies, which failed to help me. While in this wretched con- dition a lady friend urged me to give Dr. Williams® Pink Pills a trial and I procured a supply. After taking the pills for a while I could see that I was growing stronger, and I glad- ly continued their use until I had fully regained my old-time health and strength. Now if I feel at all run down at any time I at once take Dr. Williams' Pink Pills, and they never fail me. I can therefore warmly re- commend them to others who may be run down "' There is no better tonic than Dr. Williams' Pink Pills to improve the blood and bring back strength after acute diseases such as fevers, pneu- monia, influenza, etc. Given a fair trial they will not disappoint you. You can get the pills from your drug- gist, or they will be sent by mail at 50 cents a box by The Dr. Williams' Medicine Co., Brockville, Ont. -------- Must Not Carry Firearms. Provincial constables are having a great deal of trouble lately over the illegal carrying of firearms and have been forced to impress upon people the fact that the law does not allow the carrying of any kind of firearm about without a permit. A great many hunters are under the impression that old hunting licenses allow them to "pack a gun" all the year round. Provincial Constable Clark has been called to Belleville to do duty while the U.E.L. celebration is going, on. om At the Brockville cheese board 1,797 boxes were sold at 16 3-8c. Constant Headaches Dizziness It is hard to struggle along with a head that aches and pains all the time, and in nine cases out of ten the persistent headaches are due to some erangement of the stomach, liver or bowels. Undoubtedly the cause must be re- moved before permanent relief may be had. Burdock Blood Bitters removes the cause of the headaches, as it acts on every organ of the body and streng- thens, purifies and regulates the whole system. Mrs. Peter Curran, 27 Morrison St., Sydney, N.S., writes:-- "I have been troubled for the last five years with constant headaches and dizzi- 'ness. After trying several remedies, which I found to be of no avail, Bur- dock Blood Bitters was recommend- ed to me. B.B.B. did me a world of good, and I cannot praise this remedy en- ough." Manufactured only by The T. Mil- burn Co., Toronto, Ont. THE TOWN WATCHMAN The collegiate institute pupils will receive two weeks more "larning" this year as the institute is not to close until the end of June. Those big ale placards on the street billboards make the dry fei- lows feel drier and also vexed. By the way, why the delay over the O.T. A. referendum? Unbidden guests to the R. M. C. ball next Monday night will find it difficult to get through the military and police cordon. A lawyer fears that children will be injured playing on the German gun in Clarence street park. The Germans no doubt will be glad to hear of this. At the court of general sessions they were patting themselves on the back because there were only four criminal cases for trial. When there is a clean criminal docket page that will be time enough for congratula tions. The people of Oso township are not accustomed to having tag days. When a "tagger" called upon them and they contributed a few coins they haled him before the courts. There is as much chance of mak- ing cricket popular in Kingston as there is of uniting all Kingston's re- ligious denominations into one body. The people who would play cricket are playing golf, bowls or quoits, Those Danish princes who are get- ting married over here are not sel- ecting dollarless girls. Not much! They are fortune hunters and have made good pickings so far. Gananoque apparently postponed its horse races so that the Montreal Methodist Conference members could attend and put up a few dollars on the contesting nags. It is surprising how fraternal soc- ieties in establishing insurance ben- éfits "buiit upon the sand." But the day of reckoning has come when they have to boost their rates be- yond all expectations. No wonder many of the brethren are sore. The city council could not adjourn for the summer without giving the utilities commission a swift kick. "Tom" Angrove has a difficult time of it in defending his confreres of Queen street. The Kingston barber who decided to engage bobbed-haired girls to shave and trim his male customers will do a thriving business. The Watchman's old friend Christy Graham has been elevated to the pos- ition of superintendent of the Cat- araqui Methodist Sunday school. 'When Christy was chosen mayor of Kingston it was thought he had reached the height of his ambition; but no, he wanted to be reeve of the township and succeeded in getting that post. Now he has turned his energies to religion and no doubt he will achieve as great success in this direction 'as he did in building road- ways in Kingston, Bazaar at Wolfe Island. In ald of Church of Sacred Heart commencing Monday, June 16th, ending Friday, June 20th. Meals served from 12 to 2 and 6 to 7, standard time. Dance Monday, Wednesday and Friday evening. Dr. T. C. Smith Called. Dr. Thomas C. Smith, superinten- dent of the Marcy State hospital, Utica, N.Y., was the doctor called to an accident at Rome, N.Y., when a car skidded in tar on the side of the road and overturned, killing one occupant and injuring four others. Dr. Smith is a son of Mr. and Mrs. Charles Smith, Livingston avenue, Kingston. . ! On Sunday and thereafter a sleep- er will leave Kingston every night for Toronto. rt the mtb tattoo. ' McParland | They | Hugh Wil- | | is the | | guest of her sister, Mrs. Katharine with | WHITE SHOES BEGUILING IN THEIR STYLING Lovely to look upon--dainty to walk upon----charming, youthful-- delightful as Summer skies. These chic creations say more than words can express for Abernethy's artistry shoe designing. Abernethy's Shoe Store Established 1854. ! KINGSTON'S BIGGEST HOME FURNISHERS oh UE x ks | 0) oo = | | J JUNE BRIDES-- Prospective Housekeepers will do well to come here for the new home they are about to start. We make a specialty of completely outfitting newly-weds so perfectly that they become a life-long customer. We offer you excellent store service. JAMES REID "Phone 147 for Service. The Leading Undertaker The Flame of Nationalism. (Continued from page 1). There is as much difference between a Yank and a Canuck as there is between the Stars and Stripes and the Union Jack. At a Harvard and Yale game one expects to find Harvard men root- ing for Harvard, and Yale men for Yale. If, by chance, we encountered a Harvard man so full of the after-you-my-dear-Alphonse spirit that he gave priority to Yale, we would say that such a person was a disgrace to his college. The same principle holds true for a nation. "Don't slobber,". would be a good text to put before poet-prandial ora- tors at a rapproachment of American and Canadian. At a dinner in Brooklyn sometime ago, an American senator, who sat next to me, cooed like a sucking dove in his remarks about Canada, but he talked out of the other side of his face when he got wound up cn the Fordney tariff. The I'm-all-for-you stuff passes out of the picture when we come to the bargain counter. Although the latter is not quite so polite, it is far more sincere. A good deal of this tendency to exuberant over-statement can be traced to the days of the war when we were all Allies against a common foe. As far as possible, we wish to see this spirit of co-operation carry on. But, inevitably, there must come occasions when our interests clash, on such occasions no amount of after dinner bunk can keep us from lin- ing up on our respective sides. The man we respect most is he who has got enough patriotic back- bone to stand by the interests of his own country, even at the sacrifice of personal gain. Half of the export wheat thdt passed out of New York Harbor last year was Canadian in origin. My home city of Halifax, for example, is languishing for that trade which goes to boom American ports. : We will never get that Canadian trade through Canadian channels by mere acts of parliament. It will come to us only when our sundered citizens can put the good of a united Canadian nation ahead of some momentary consideration of two cents more on peas and cheese. Sectional sacrifices were temporarily necessary to bring about the great United States of to-day; similar sacrifices will be necessary to bring forth a great united Canada of to-morrow. National building above all else requires that the sentiment shall not languish. Mr. Glenn Frank, editor of the Century Magazine, says that the old nationalism and the old patriotism are passing, There are many of us in "The True North strong and free" that will take exception to such a statement. and many also in the U. 8. A. While Mr. Frank is expressing such sentiments, one can imagine what a chill the ap- potency of national ol 'pearance of Theodore Roosevelt would cast on the meeting, with his son Quentin buried in France for the old nationalism and the old patriotism. The colorless, spineless perversion that they call Internationalism may commend itself to pink blooded humanitarians. It does not commend it- self to the pungent citizens of either Canada or the United States. There is plenty of room on this North American continent for our two separate and distinct experiments in nationhood. Loyal adhesion to the one or to the other is the soundest basis for amity and mutual respect. ° When Pain Stabs You In The Back : Relieve It Quickly--In This Way When that stab-like pain hits you in the middle of the back you need a8 powerful pain-controlling remedy without delay. Nerviline is best; it is strong, therefore it penetrates rapidly. Nerviline warms up the con- gested area, pulls inflammation and soreness out of the muscles, and os out Lumbago's misery. For the intense pain of Rheumatism, Neuralgia, Sciatica and Lumbago, where can you find such a trusty liniment as Nervi- line? Nerviline has been tried and tested for nearly fifty years, and is con~ sidered a necessity in most homes. 36-cent bottles, at all dealers.