plainest food appetising. "HOMEWORK We require parties to knit Men's Wool Socks for us at home, either with ma- 'ghine or by hand. Send stamp and addressed envelope for information. The Canadian Wholesale Distributing Co., Orillia, Ont. COAL v § i Genuine Scranton Fes, Stove and Chestnut, $15.50 delivered. Split Pea ...oovvee.... 88.75. Virginia Pocahontas Smokeless Washed Nut ea eememe. $11.00 EEE ++ evvecen sevme. $12.00 Dennee & Morris OFFICE AND YARD: Phone 2444. 87 Brock St. \GRAY'S SYRUP Y of RED SPRUCE GUM & Phone 2550 25¢ To all parts of city, Outer Depot included, Driving Job ..ees $2.00 per hour Shopping Job .... $1.50 per hour "STORING VITAMINS The average healthy person the body sential vitamins. ex- plains why a well-nourished person of any age is less sus- ceptible to germ-infection than those who are mal nourished. Scott's Emulsion is a safety-factor that helps well-nourished. A wery little used daily to complement the regular diet, activates with essential vita mins and helps build re- isistance. Store up a reserve of essential vitamins-- regularly. The Rubyiat Of a College Man BY H. C. WITWER FROM FATHER TO HIS SON TOM. XIL The Elite Garage & Repalr Shop 8562 Eighth Avenue Dear Tom: It seems that once 3 fool, always a fool, as Henry Ford says. Every letter I get from you is filled up with your adventures with the ladies, and it looks like I might as well of sent you to Vassar and be done with it] I note you are taking up the study of box fightin'. That's fine, May- be this guy McGurk can beat some sense into your head! I also note from your letter that you are missin' a few teeth and that your beak has got to be overhauled as the results of your first lessons from Professor Knockout Mc- Gurk. Enclosed you will find three hundred bucks, Take one hundred for yourself and give Professor McGurk the other two and my best, regards. Be sure and don't miss the second lesson. FROM SON TOM TO HIS FATHER. XIIL Dear Dad: Well, pater, old bean, x am writing this billet doux (as the Abyssinians have it) under huge diffi- culties. One of my favorite eyes is as black as $50,000 worth of coal, my lips me to avoid. Well, pater, I must say that I found my room-mate's account of the first and only round we fought of little value to me as a test-book. Here is the way, it read: "Report of boxing contest between Professor Knockout McGurk and Tom Cullen, '28. Round One--McGurk put left to head and right to heart. Mec- Gurk hooked his right to the head. McGurk crashed over a wicked left to the jaw. McGurk swung left and right to stomach. McGurk ripped over a right to the nose. McGurk smashed left to wind. McGurk shot right to face. McGurk slashed right to jaw, McGurk slammed left to mouth. Mc. Gurk jabbed right and left to head. McGurk planted right to face. Me- Gurk chopped left to ear. End of First Round." "What Is the Idea of all this about McGurk?" I exclaimed to Launcelot Fishmaum, when the medical attend- ant at the gym said I would live and I had read Launcelot's report. "What did I hit?" , "The floor said Launcelot Fish- baum, with an asinine grin, "and I'll say you take a mean dive!" , Well, pater, as there appeared to be [Ji little chance of me winning back the affections of Blanche Mange through my feats of arms, I turned to my wits. are much puffier than the natty dres- set is wearing them this year, and my prohibition enforcement officer's. Also, every bone in my body, including the largest one, i.e, my head, is aching like several hundred sore thumbs. Pa- ter, old dear, when I first crashed into Hoorah College I thought football was a rough and tumble sport, but along- side of boxing the gridiron pastime is as mild as parcheesil However, pater, you perfectly price- less old thing, in the course of acquir- ing the trifling scars listed above I suc. ceeded in buffeting my way to a place on the freshman boxing team, and next week we travel to Dumbell University to cross gloves with their exponents of the manly art of assault and bat- tery. That we will knock those fellows stiff is a foregone conclusion every- where--that is, everywhere except at Dumbell University, Professor Knock- out MeGurk, J.A.B,, H.O.0.K,, and S. L.AM., who holds the Chair of Sock- ology here, is confident that I will personally account for first honors in at least the following divisions, to wit, needleweight, paperweight, flyweight, bantamweight, featherweight, light- weight, welterweight, middleweight, heavyweight, and--er--etc. Well, pater, I immediately enrolled in Professor McGurk's boxing class when I made up my mind that the mo. ment I became proficient at the manly art I would seek out Young Battling Kid One-Round McWallop and ob- tain revenge for the slamming I got when I attempted to demonstrate to was a bum compared to me. As at a schoo! I won my letter at seven- up, I anticipated little difficulty in the art of "knockin' 'em stiff But alas, pater, unlike chemistry boxing is not a study that can bc mas- tered in half an hour. At the end of my first lesson, or "round," the longest three minutes I have ever spent in my 1 was convinced that boxers, like street cleaners, are born and not made! rules and angles nd gE eEE Maveny The Medical Attendant Said I Would Live. ee ------------------------------------------------ be- | of my sight--I After sitting up all night in silent com. munion with my brain and a bottle of nose is as jovially red and swollen as a 8 liquid obtainable at most drug stores now if one knows the prescrip- tion clerk, and which looks like water but isn't, I assure you, I hit upon a scheme that looked certain to yin the lady of my heart, and all that"sort of thing. With the three hundred dollars you sent me in your last letter I went out and hired thirty of the roughest, toughest, brawniest and generally blood-thirsty looking cave-men that I could find, at ten dollars the each. They were instructed to meet in Out- door Park at ten o'clock that night and assemble behind the monument to Goofy O'Goldstein, the inventor of the tissue-paper sledge-hammer. I had succeeded in getting Blanche Mange to consent to a final interview before giv- ing me the raspberry, and as she and me passed O'Goldstein's Monument the thirty thugs were to spring out as if to attack us. Then, pater, I would lay about me right merrily and knock the entire thirty roughnecks as cold as a pawnbroker's eye, and if Blanche didn't fall for me then, why, I could also knock her--er--that is, well, any- how, pater, I felt that I had concocted a dude of a scheme, But alas, ah me and alack a day, who can understand women, pater? Everything went off as advertised. I met Blanche Mange and we walked through Outdoor Park. As we passed Goofy O'Goldstein's Monument the thirty bruisers leaped out with loud yelps and surrounded us. Blanche re- leased a shrill scream and then I be- gan swinging both fists right and left, right and left, right and left, right and --well, anyhow, pater, in less than five minutes the thirty gangsters were pil- ed all over each other at the foot of O'Goldstein's Monument, knocked out by your affectionate son--to all intents and purposes. Breathing hard and well satisfied, I turned to Blanche Mange, long to set forth | Yes ing those inoffensive strangers. 'loathe a SATURDAY, DECEMBER 18, 193 Men! Aperfect Blend of | Theory I Violin, Junior and | Voice and Sight Singin Modern methods. Pupils prepared for examination. 258 KING STREET Mr. H. Packer, A.T.C.M. Kindergarten Piano .. Miss D. Johnson, A,T.C.M. Mr. H. Hill Special free advantages to pupils. Rates on application. HomeNeedsasPractical Gifts Trove CANADIAN Winnipeg 36 Hours 15 Minutes Leave Toronto. .... sesessssvssassces Arrive Toronto (second morning) . . Carries diner, standard and compartment sleeping cars and observation car. Note convenient hour of departure and arrival, Express Shipments deftvered immediately en arrival, saving hours. ------------_, ¥. CONWAY, O.F.A., City Ticket Office, 180 Wellington Street, Kingston, Ontario. Telephone 1197. ) PALE, ' Kenwood Makes a suitable gift; , Funeral Service, also increase in sentiment as year by year the gift is assos ciated with the given, | bles, Sewing Ta all latest styles: End Tables Consol Mirrors Costumers Floor Lamps Table and Bridge Lamps Robt. J. Reid THOMAS COPLEY took out @ $2,000,000 life insurance Cars, Dining Car and Snip dy Canadian | rWinni % NATIONAL Lesve TORONTO drive WINNIPEG from Toronto every nightat 8.45 second day. Pay Standard and at Winnipeg for all Western . Stendard Sleeper Toronto-Sudbury Sleeping Car Arthus, connection for Port CITY TICKET OFFICE: Cor. Johnson and 'Ontario Sts., Kingston, Ont, 'Phones 90 or 1438. National on this Will Pay You. policy. peg 8.45.PM. DAILY 8.45.AM. 2° DAY , Powel Crosley, Jr, Cincinnati, [i | J. E.Mullen | hone 987] ing done in cemetery SEE 857 Frontenac St., Kingston "Phone 1417. rating your home. Ww. G. 814 BARRIS Sleigh: Painted Now Will be hard and dry for the first snow. IG © FROST'S '