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THIS WAR CAUMMWR* - Doable, doable, toiln and tronW«# f»t: Buna the Ire, the caldron bahbtei)* v: " * *$9i# #* And the ben-broth boiling owr, We its elements dhcow. From the bottom spring to Ugfci Brain of wHy MtMcoyite, And Ms hind, Ita ntmttet M4 In the skis <rf peteefnl ldd. And a Sirst-etone, shaped rnth art To ttie sejoifoiauo* «'•* s heart, fini 5Ri-«. sst 1---:-*?1 Cooked in kitchen of the Car. Do*blo, double, toils wid troubles Borne the fire, the caldron bnbbta Hissed from out that seething poi,. Come* s whisper, ' Trust him not ) MnrdYoua is the Islamite! ;»&: glav, ere untftten, rise and smite™ •1? ' ^ f r old (stones who had volunteered for the purpose. A bright fixe biased on the hearth; the table, with two lighted candles, stood beside it; the tea-kettle sang noisily on the hob; and these two, sitting comfort­ ably ia their Boston rookers, were in- elined to take the night easily, sad chat­ ted over the merits and peculiarities of the dead, the strange occurrence of his down on his white forehead; HgiM»g blue eyes shining through the drops of wet that hung on his eyelashes; rosy cheeks, that glistened after the pelting they had reoefoed. Driver and "out­ side " were both urged to put up for the night; but the driver was plucky, and would not be bluffed off bringing his mail in, and the outside " swore, with a very salt oath, that he would get to After pause, the same voice, "Lo! Islamite! the Christian foe flats thy death this very hoar; far life, then I orush the ^ Double, double, tolls and troubles P," Burns the fire. the caldron babbles! Straightway from its lips of bale jgm Burst all sounds of mortal wail-- Shricl: of TOKW, infant's cry, •**??*'• Strong man's shout of agony. ;; Welt'rinp. then, upon a flood, rf5% "lacd of lurid i»nie and Um, i, i! the doomed, the dead, the dyi||j|« the ohaser and the flying: rVV the headsman** grisly knife; >1 the shreds of comely Ufa; # % ' Awful eyes in dying stare; <:f ' Hands lopped off in ace of prayer ;• " "'•* limbless trunk and trunkleaa head i . * " Bsanty's flower dishonored-- IV i •: •,» All adown the ghastly spate, • vfr' WMrieu by murder, lust and hate,' Drunt, v,it{r venom from the tongas That o'er the land fear's poison fluagt 1(0! Use whisp'rer's handiwork, Wrought on Christian and on Turk; *' bol th' ingredients, sleeping got, By " Holy Russia " for the pot, man Ita center casting up Yankee cartridge, gun of Krupp; Tons of Russian bounce and brag; Half unfurled, th«» Prophet's flat;; Bulls and bears of every nation, ,, Goring, roaring, "* SmiiBsmatiSsB!" Azmiee swarming 'cross the Pruth; Sot one little word of truth; Then a lull, half hope, half fear. And, with eyeballs red and blear, Ootea forth sleek Ignatieff, Whisp'ring, " War to UB is grief; But from oath there's no recoiling; Oaar has sworn--his blood is bolli*^-- His great name ia oomproanised; Then, our troops are mobilised: We've borne the last that honor msy. In vain, my Lord. Oh, by the way, Perhaps, if set in different key. The beastly Turk might fail to sea The motif of that little song, And take and sing it! Cant be1 To hoodwink kite in such a cause; Will, sing he must, or lose his claws; Itar, as I said, we're compromised. * . And, zounds! your Lordship, mobilised." --Btmehcood. THE SEXTON'S 6H0ST. last moments, aud anything that turned Busiiposi that night if he had to -sralk up in the way of village gossip, as those "' BLOWN TO ATOMS. Simon Grayberry, the old seston of Bushport, was dying. Bushport was a fespectable little fishing village perched .lata a saucy-looking bluff right over the •cean; at its foot was a snug little cove, r Running up in sandy beach to the very ; pase of the rocks where the fishing eraft "^|ay cozily at anchor, when ther were not ldding over the waves miles away, or " * lg idly to the music of the fish-lines , the dancing of the porpoises. Bushport had one church (^Methodist) and one graveyard, where Simon Gray- berry had, lor years too many to remem- •> ber, supervised the departure from earth of the sires and grandsirea of the hardy young fishermen who were now growing up around him. Simon had grown gray in the service of the dead, among whom, •••-• . .lien years before, he had deposited the - ?|^ast remains of his faithful wife; and now j ?*%he gathering shadows of the An*! sum- : - v^moM told Mm that he, too, must pre- ^ K'pare to join those silent ones in their last ^ ^/resting-place. .it,. Three years before, Simon had parted *rj Ip with his only 'son, a hardy sailor, who u ^had gone on a whaling voyage. Six w ^ smonths later news had come that the ' ship had sunk in the northern seas, and all on board had perished. All in the village mourned the stout-hearted Tom Grayberry, who had grown up, man and boy, among them; but chiefly had mourned a little fair-haired creature, just in her teens, to whom Tom had been more than to any other. Alice Scott, so had grief matured her, had grown into womanhood in those . . thirty months, and she it was who, tak­ ing upon herself the duties of a daugh­ ter to him who had none, had devoted herself to him ever since ; until the old man had learned to regard her as such, and to grieve for his lost sontehiefly that his sad fate had prevented the possi- o? hp* ev^ bfsoomlnff *5C- hx r?r? . ^ j?rn.tB.- Sho it T/r" r^y- pat bepidfc' • s Simon's wasted form, held his hand, and ""'̂ '.watched tlj.o lasJb sparkol life as. iiflicks ; crcd let? before tho dwrkaess. Simon had been respected in his day and generation, and all the village wait­ ed sadly for news of his departure. A few of the older men, rough, hard-feat­ ured fishermen, stood at his bedside, while one or two of their wives, rough, too, but kindly disposed, ministered to his few remaining necessities. The doctor stood near him, and held his hand; the tallow candle on the table flickered, as a draught of wind burst in under the door and rattled the casement; storm gusts held high carnival outside; for it was in the last days of November, and the snow-clouds were sailing on heavily freighte d. Suddenly the doctor raised his hand warningly"; Alice rose *nd leaned over the bed, while the rest drew closer together, and then the head and shoulders raised painfully in the bed, the dull eyes lighted up, and, with one skinny forefinger pointing to the door, while his gray locks and matted beard trembled with a convulsive mo­ tion, the old sexton spoke: "One, two, three, four, five! Five rings one bracelet, two pins! "Who shall have them? Tom shall have them. Who says it's robbery ?" The old man turned his head from one side to the other, and glanced at the startled and horror-stricken ones around him; and then he said, slowly, in ft whis­ per : " I buried--them--under--the--" The chin fell heavily on his breast4 and he sank down into the bed in a con­ fused mass. There was much talk the next day about the last words of old Simon, and, though sundry wise heads were shaken and some Bhrewd doubts were expressed' they were generally set down as the last incoherent exclamations of a brain which had ceased to act lucidly, and were passed over. The body was properly laid out* watchers came forward to sit up with it; and the next day following was appoint^ ed for the funeral services. Old Simon's cottage was near the graveyard; his body lay on the bed where he had laid for forty years • and will who accustom themselves to such duties. Meanwhile the snow-storm that had been promising a visit had all day been busy, and now was drifting into white masses through the street, and whirling in blinding clouds through the »ir, while not a single being in the whole yillage was out of doors, and in the houses warm fires and hot drinks did their best to make things cosy and com­ fortable. So the hours wore away, Mid, as the evening grew late, the two old crones, grown tired of gossip, had nod­ ded their frowsy old heads at one anoth­ er until both had g6ne off into a pro­ found and noisy sleep. Now, down the street, a short distance from Simon Grayberry's oottages there Was a tavern, and in the bar-room, where a, huge wood fire was crackling and hiss- fog up the wide-mouthed chimney, there were congregated, as usually congregated there m winter nights, a dozen or so of the inhabitants of the village, who met thus nightly to enjoy their punch and their pipes in social communion. This night, in particular, pipes and punch were in extraordinary demand. The Season had been so open and free from storms that this was really the first oc­ casion that had offered for such a gath­ ering. and it had been taken advantage of by more than the usual quota o£ jol- ly, weatherbeaten tars, who sat and can­ vassed, sententiously, such subjects as came before them. Among them, nat­ urally enough, the question of Sexton Grayberry's remarkable utterances at his off-going was brought prominently forward. "Blarst my hyes!" said "English Bob," as he was called, a burly, good- natured-looking fellow, who leaned back •gainst the mantel, and talked, in a liusky voice, through a cloud of " the essence of old Virginia" I've a hidea the ole chap's been a priggin' summat as laid 'eavy on 'is conslnins." " Nonsense !" answered the landlord, Seeing no one else was likely to take it Up; " old Simon was as honest as they make 'em; and, beside, where on earth could he find anything to ' prig' in this consumed poor place ?" This was unanswerable, and the vili- fier of the dead was eilenoed for a mo­ ment. Presently ft long, lean, slab-sided, lantern-jawed Yankee peddler, who had come in belated and put up for the night, put in his word. He was dressed in a faded, seedy-looking suit of black, and presented anything but an inviting ap­ pearance. lie had been silent thus far, had heard the story of the deathbed scene told and retofd, and now, as he sat with his legs crossed and his chair tilted back, he drawled out: * " Waal, I'm a stranger here, and hain't got no call to meddle with things that don't consarn me, but if it was so as I hed any interest in these parts 1 should be kinder lookin' round after the family jewelry, and if the live people's plunder was all right, I should--well I should hev my suspicions!" Everybody stared at that, and the landlord, who felt bound to support the credit of hid deceased friend, had al­ ready opened his mouth to call the vitu­ perative vender of small wares to order, when the door opened, and his wife called him, with such evident earnest­ ness that he turned at once, abandoned his intention, and followed her out of the room. Every effort was now made to bring the peddler to book, and induce him to explain his meaning; but nothing more could be got out of him than: " Waal, I ain't a-goin' to consarn my­ self in what ain't none of my bus'ness, but I only say, if it was my case, I should be suspicious!" Sundry growls and sour looks were beginning to show that his indefinite ad­ vice was not palatable, and might be re- ser^d: and m»tters:. in fact, were be gmnintK to assume a sqp&Ey a^per^fajee*, when the landlord re-entered, " Boys," said hoc "my mfe and I ain't nowise satisfied about the Boston ooswh not coming iia; she's more than three hours late, and, though it is a rough night, she ought to have been here be­ fore this; and, in my humble opinion, she's a darned sight more importance than that darned purveyor of pins and needles' suspicions about what he don't know nothing cons a mm." Here he jerked his thumb in the di­ rection of the peddler, who shrugged his shoulders, and said nothing. Now the village of Bushport was situ­ ated just twenty-one miles north-and-by- east of the good city of Boston; from which place there came, three times a week, a coach bearing the mail, leaving Boston at 4 o'clock in the afternoon, and performing the journey in about four hoars, if nothing interrupted of a nature calculated to prevent safe and moderately rapid driving. This was " coach-day," and, punctual­ ly at 4, the aforesaid vehicle, painted blue, and appropriately named the " Bluebird," started valiantly forth, out of the stable-yard in a narrow street in the suburbs of Boston, and, with three passengers inside for way-stations and one passenger outside for Bushport, took its way along the high-roads, in a direction north-and-by-eastward, through what was already a respectable snow­ storm, hoping to accomplish the journey before the roads became so blocked up as to utterly preclude wheeling ; for the snow-storm had come on suddenly, and the Bluebird's runners were at Bush­ port The first ten miles were made in two hours and a half, and there the last " In­ side" left the coach rejoicing. Eleven miles to go, the snow drifting heavily, and a blinding wind driving in the faces of the driver and the one " outside," who said he was a sailor, and laughed to aoom the idea of " going be­ low oh account of a blasted little snow- squall." Seven miles further on, the Bluebird stopped to change horses, and driver and " outside" went into the little tavern to get supper. A fine, stalwart, sailor-looking fellow the little sitting-room next to it wasoc^ 1 was the "outside:" tall and handsome. wvviiig-iuvm UCU w ll was OC- I yunoivw, k>u miu nmmwviuv. cupied on tbe watch night by the two' chestnut curls all over his head and iiilcic. So the supper was eaten, two hot tod­ dies swallowed, and, with two lighted pipes in mouth, driver and "outside" mounted on the box, and the whip cracked, and away they went again into the driving wind, and through the drift­ ing snow. It was now past 9, and, though the coach pressed gallantly forward, it made but little headway, the smoking horses having desperate hard work to keep on at a fast walk. Two of the four miles had been passed over when, an the coach made a aharp turn round a bend in the road which the wind had blown dry, the off fore-wheel struck a tree, which an unlucky blast had blown aoroas the road, and, with a jolt and a heave, over went the Bluebird, and away flew driver and " outside" into a drift, where they disappeared to crawl out again, shake themselves, and stare lugu­ briously at the downfallen vehicle. For­ tunately, they were near a farm-house, and thither both betook themselves, and, obtaining assistance, the horses were soon housed in a comfortable bam. The driver then announced his intention of accepting the cordial invitation they both received to remain all night, but the "outside," game to the last, resisted every solicitation, and, after warming himself, outwardly by the fire, in­ wardly with a glass of "summat hot," swung a bundle which he carried over his shoulder, and, with a stout stick in his hand, plunged resolutely into the snow again. The farm-house door closed behind him, and9 as he gained the road, marked only by the long white line between the fields and woods on either side, he al­ most felt inclined to give it up ; but he was a courageous fellow, this sailor, and, stifling the momentary weakness, he trudged on. It was past 11 when the lights of the village appeared, and, with a sigh of relief, he stepped more lightly, thinking of the warm reception which was to repay him for this night's mcon­ venience, and many other nights' perils and adversity. As he moved on, his thoughts took shape in two forms of expression! " I wonder if the old man lives!" and " I wonder if she has forgotten mel" The straggling houses of the village were passed; the old church loomed up in the darkness; a cottage near by was lighted up in one room, and he leaned for a moment on the railing of the grave­ yard, and hesitated. Suddenly, as his eyes glanced over the well-remembered stones, he saw some­ thing move. A chill, more piercing than the cold blast he had been under for so many hours, almost froze his blood, for the sailor-mind is proverbially supersti­ tious. But he stood still, gazed and waited. It was a tall figure; white--of course everything was white--and it tottered weakly toward the gate near which he leaned. Presently it reached him, opened the gate, and, as he stood with his tongue clinging to the roof Of his mouth, and his hair bristling with fear, he knew who it was--it was Simon Grayberry, the sexton of Bushport. Springing forward, he caught the old man in his arms, shou iog to him: " Father! father! It is me! Don't ?ou know me? It's Tom--your boy 'am!" Then the old sexton stood erect, and, holding up his finger, whispered: " Hush ! don't speak so loud ! I've got them, every one ! I robbed them /" and he pointed to the graves. " But, Tom, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! And you won't tell any one 1" Tom put the little box which his father gave him carefully in his pocket; a dim idea of the truth possessed him, and, taking the emaciated form in his arms, he stepped with his burden to the door of the tavern, which was nearer than the cottage, and where he saw a light burn- iiijj, m& so, just arr the had. THE EONCJERNIII ̂ L©KW«S of the Boston coach, it happened wiuititri tavern door opened, and a stemt , in a sou'wester and covered wi£h snow, • staggered in, bearing in his arms the body of Sexton Grayberry. " Bear a hand ! Boys, it's me, Tom Grayberry, and this is my father. I found the old gentleman wandering in the graveyard in his night-clothes; he must have been out of his head." Such a start as that crowd of fisher­ men got may be imagined. They re­ treated backward into a corner, and looked at Tom and the prostrate form at his feet as though both were ghosts. Finally the landlord clapped Tom on his shoulder, and said : "You're Tom Grayberry, that I'll go bail; but the old man's dead, and we left two women a-watching of him up to the cottage ; he died last night." Tom had risen up, and stood looking at him for a moment; then he stooped down, tore open the long gown that wrapped the old man, and placed his hand over his heart. It had stopped beating. "He is dead now," said Tom. " Come with me, some of you and, raising the body tenderly in his arms, he strode through the door, over the way, and straight on to the cottage. The landlord ran aliEad and opened the door, while the crowd followed at a respectful distanoe. As they entered the sitting-room, the two women rose, screaming, out of their sleep, frightened at their sudden inroad. But nothing recked Tom, as he carried the body straight past them into the bedroom, and laid it on the empty bed / The whole matter was plain now; the window was open, and through it the old sexton, awaked from his swoon, had taken his fearful course. Tom said noth­ ing about the box of jewelry, and two days after the old sexton was quietly buried in the little churchyard. Tom stayed in Bushport many months; and when the spring opened he and sweet Alice Scott were married in the old church. And the good people of Bushport never knew anything more definite than the Yankee peddler's " suspicions" and their own imaginings about Simon Grayberry's deathbed speech, or the true story of "The Sexton's Ghoet." Particulars of the Destruction of a TorkMl Ganboat on the Danube -- Deaperata Bravery ot the Turlta. The New York Herald correspondent with the Russian headquarters ok Ploejesti, in Boumania, telegraphs the following interesting account of an at­ tack on the Turkish iron-clad fleet in the Danube and the destruction of one of the j monitors fey torpedo boats. The details of the action arc takeii frc-is. tha official report made by the gallant leader of the attack, Lieut. Denbasofl* to the Russian headquarters ; At midnight on the 25th of May four Russian gunboats left Ibrail under the command of Lieut. Denbasoff with tlie object of attacking and, if possible, de­ stroying the fleet of Turkish iron-clads which lay further up the Danube in the direction of Matchin. This expedition was organized with great secrecy, and only the higher officers at headquarters knew of its destination, though it had been expected for some time that an ef­ fort would be made to render the stay of the Turkish monitors in the Danube as uncomfortable as possible. About two hours' steaming brought the Russian gunboats to Matchin, where three Turkish iron-dads lay anchored in the stream, and without delay the signal to attack was gi ven. Lieut. Denbasoff made an admirable disposition of his gunboats, and in the conduct of the action displayed great courage and sound judgment. Taking the lead in the advance, he ran his own gunboat, the Czarovitch, in between the Turkish iron-clads without paying any heed to the heavy fire which the monitors opened on tne approaching gujjboats. Selecting the largest of the iin .ivlt-'"': T.ioiif TW»nhnflnft' ran hid hnii monitors, TWihasoff ran his boat alongside and succeeded in exploding a torpedo under her side, causing a bad leak but not damaging her sufficiently to disable her. This partial failure was, however, soon remedied by the gunboat Xenia, which had closely followed the Czarovitch, and, approaching the Tnrk- ish monitor, succeeded in exploding un­ der her a second torpedo. The effect of this second explosion was terrific; the monitor began rapidly to settle down, and before ten minutes had elapsed she sunk, the Turkish can­ noneers on the doomed monitor continu­ ing with heroic bravery to fire until their vessel disappeared beneath the waves of the river. Not a soul of those on board was saved. The remaining monitors opened a heavy but ill-directed fire on the attacking gunboats, which, having ac­ complished their object, withdrew out of range without suffering any damage. This brilliant action did not occupy more than twenty minutes from the mo­ ment of giving the signal to attack to the withdrawal of the Russian gunboats. During the action the Turks kept up a constant fire on the assailants, but the aim of the artillerists was so bad that not a single Russian was struok The effect of this torpedo attack is likely to prove very demoralizing to the Turkish fleet in the Danube. It definitely set­ tles the question of the value of the Turkish fleet in preventing the passage of the Danube, and will probably induce the Turkish iron-clads to remove from the too dangerous neighborhood of the Russian gunboats. Torpedoes are evi­ dently going to prove their superiority over armor plates and heavy guns in this war. " What the Parisians Eat." ' The cost of the daily dinner of the Parisians has been calculated by one of the French papers as follows: Bread, about 275,000 francs; wine, 250,000 francs; beer and cider, 15,000 francs; water for cooking and drinking purposes, 6,500 francs; sausages, pigs feet, etc., 8,000 francs; pates ana crabs, 5,000 francs; oysters, 4,500 francs; eggs, 17,- 500 francs ; butter, 11,000 francs ; beef, 230,000 francs; veal, 20,000 francs; mutton, 35,000 francs; pork, 33,000 francs; poultry,24,000francs; freshwater fish, 2,000 francs; sea fish, 16,090 francs; vegetables, 200,000 francs ; entrements, fine and ordinary pastry, 50,000 francs; cheese, 4,000 francs; fruits and pre­ serves, 12,000 francs; brandy, liquors, etc., 50,000 francs. This gives a total of 1,268,500 francs, or about $*225,000, with the addition of 5,00C francs, estimated > aost of tooth-, picks,, mnfriing altogether an average of' 25 cents perhoad w the daily cost of the PatMaaBj Strength of ihs Bosslsa Asmj* The most careful and trustworthy esti­ mate of the strength of the Russian army in Roumania which has yet been made appears in the war correspondence of the London News. The army of occupation, under the command of the Grand Duke Nicholas, comprises 4 corps, 144,000 men, 32,800 horses, and 432 guns.* The army of Odessa, under the command of Gen. Temecko, comprises 2 corps, 72,000 men, 16,400 horses, and 248 guns. The effective strength of the six corps is 216, 000 men, 49,200 horses, and 648 cannon. In addition to this great force, three more corps are fully mobilized, and are now concentrating north of the Pruth. These three corps number about 108,000 men, so that the Russian army which will be ultimately available for operations in Roumania reaches a total strength of 324,000 men. " MAX it please the court," said a Yankee lawyer before a Dutch Judge, in New York State, "this is a case of the greatest importance; while the American eagle, whose sleepless eye watches the welfare of this mighty republic, and whose wings extend from the AUeghanies to the Rocky chain of the West, rejoic­ ing in his pride of place--" "Shtop dare ! shtop I say i Vat has dis suit to do mit eagles. It has noting to do mit tiie wild bird ; it ish von sheep!" "That is true your Honor, but my client has rights--" "Your glient has no right to de eagle." "Of course not; but the laws of language--" " Votcare I forde laws of language, eh ? I understand de laws of de State, and dat is enough for me. Talk to de case." "Well, then, my client, the defendant, is charged with stealing a sheep, and--" " Dat vill do ! Your glient is charged mit stealing a sheep. Dat is shust 9 HhilltlVl De court vill adjourn.' Aiin of the New York city papers, wifii the exception of the Herald., are warmly advocating the removal of the State capi­ tal to that city, and some of the country papers are agitating for a division of the woe HOMJS q§r Not bare in the populoua own, « In the play-houtw or mart; Not here In the ways gray and lwownpr', f-i|| But afar on the green-swelling down, * ; . ' Ia the home of my heart. " ' vS • The** the hlQaide slopes down to a deU Whence a streamlet baa start; There are woods and aweet grass on the swell, And the south winds and west know it well; Tie the home of my heart. r Ttaare'B a cottage o'erehadowed ligr 1mMSh£>. pi growing {tint than art, 'i»i"in«wi"' vihrnrm >m,w U<M Saw nniuiliii (fM No false hand the swallow bereaves; TIs the home of my heart. i"* And, there as you gaze down the lea, 1 • whore the trees stand apar, . Over graasland and woodland maybe1 You will catch U»e faint gleam of From the home of my heart. And there in the rapturous spring, When the morning rays dart O'er the plain, and the morning birds llnr. You may see the most beautiful tMng In the home of my heart. For there at the casement abore, Where the loaebushf B part, Will blush the fair face of my low 1 a 18 that wiU prore Tsa the home of my heart. i ; W- Bourdilhm, in the Galaxy /or AprtU * ' «TH AND POINT. " THE dearest object to me oil «AWB is my wife," said Jones. " Well, I'm pretty close to you," said Smith, " for til© d68i6Bt to me is my wife's w&rcl- robe." SOME one says old maids go by the name of "wilted lilies" now. Proba­ bly because, years agone, when certain young men asked them "Wiltthou?" they wilted not* Punch, boys, punch! punch with car»-- Half a cent out for ein glass lagair, Two cents and a half for a whisky Ditto for brandy, if but one fingair, <> The same for a glass of ttin ordfnair*t Punch in the presence of the gay drlnkair. --Harper's Weekly. i ri •" ftTl who invents some way by which a fellow can take his liver out in the spring, hang it in the back yard, and whip it as they do carpets, will confer a boon on his fellows. " LOOK here, Jim, there's ft hole knocked out of this bottle you gave me." "Why, not at all; there's the hole in it now; if it was knocked out, how could it be there ?" A FRENCHMAN, writing a letter in En­ glish to a friend, and looking in the dictionary for the word " preserve," and finding it meant pickle, wrote as follows: " May you and your family be pickled to all eternity." A PROFESSOR was expostulating with a student for his idleness, when the latter said, "It'sof no use; I was cut out for a loafer." " Well, "declared the pro­ fessor, surveying the student critically, " whoever cut you out understood his business." I NTK RESTING triangular struggles in the Western States--A Congressional Commission are gathering grasshopper data, the farmers are gathering grass­ hoppers, and the grasshoppers are gath­ ering the crops. The odds' are three to one on the grasshoppers. A PRETTY young Americaness, whose Christian name is Anna, on receiving a cigar from a young gentleman who had not pluck enough to say he wished to marry her, twirled it playfully beneath his nose, and, looking archly at him, popped the question thus, "Have Anna ?" "MABT, I do not approve of your en­ tertaining your sweetheart in the kitch­ en," said a lady to her servant. " Well, ma'am, it's very kind of you to mention it, but he's from the country, you see, ma'am, and I'm afraid he's too shy and orkard in his manners, ma'am, for you to like him to come up into the parlor," re­ plied Mary. THEY were husband and'wife, and as they stood before a monument she asked, " What's the figure on the top ?" " That is a goddess," he answered. "And what's a goddess?" "A woman who holds her tongue," he replied. She looked at him sideways, and began plan­ ning how to make a peach pie with the stones in it for the benefit of his sore tooth. THB telegraph informs us that the General Assembly of Virginia lias laid a tax upon the sale of liquor by the glass, and proposes to facilitate its collection by obliging each bar to supply itself with a self-registering bell-punch, some­ thing like those used on the horse-oars. Mvosy drink that is sold must be Utlilvu fej lbs jrmch. The tax to be oollected is half a cent en beer and two and a half cents on alcoholic liquors. This will give the boys a chance. SHAWL we learn Russian names by means of the war? An exchange at­ tempts to give & lesson, thus : But whon the Czar at laat, Arming He youth, Sent PetrovlarBichrarat Over to Pruth; When Ibr&imruBtechukua Met Stchobielefstt, Sighed the newspaper man, " Give us a rest." No rest: for Khalifat- Irtachuskcamos- Dattpstefoalmat PhrstchigolaB Met in the field where Guiguervenogorih- WaUahiioRkwapchtinere- Prstch, etc. ^ Here the teacher becomes disoouraged A Centenarian's Numerous Descendants. Mrs. Milly Page, of Burksville, is 102 years old. Mrs. Page married at an early age, and moved to this county in the year 1806, and has resided here ever since. She had eleven children, and raised them all to man and womanhood. She lias in this State forty-seven grand­ children, 110 great-grandchildren, and twenty-two great-great-grandchildren. As four of her children, with their de­ scendants, live in other States, the total number of her descendants cannot be accurately ascertained. A number of her grandsons, ranging from 35 to 60 years, are residents of this county.-- Burksville (Ky.) Courier. A Point on Which the Doctors Agree. PhvBicians who have tested Hostetter'a Stomach Bitters concur in representing it to be am emimntly safe stimulant, far preferable to the ordinary liquors of commerce, not only because it is" medicated, but teeamse it is infi­ nitely pure. Its alcoholic basin is the finest old rye, and this is tempered and rendered medicinal by the curative ingredients of bot­ anic origin which it holds in solutron. It has often been imitated, but never rivaled, sad it to-day the leading tonic, diuretic and aperi­ ent of America, Malarial fevers are prevented and remedied by It, and it is a thoroughly re­ liable medicine in cases of dyspepsia, consti­ pation, liver ©omplaint, rbeumatism, gout, nerv­ ousness, urinary and uterine affections. It im­ proves the appetite, increases the bodily stam urn, checks prematura deoay, and as a Bmatain- ing and comforting cordial for the aged and UDMUftlii. IBM. Blessed are the meek," toaWtasthevoiitfof Inspiration, but can a man be meek with the oooaeioiUMM that a dreadful monatar to oon- mxning bis vitals. We are not a raoe of Titans. A Prometheus might stand ehained to the ' v us jueruiu ana «wn meea nuuiinoe. swnv- metheus has left nodeeoendanta. With vultures (disease) oonaoming hia liver, the modem tean aakes himself and every on* around MB miser­ able. Fretful, gloomy, hypochondriacal he St?t3t1 bill? ** *** life nu Giu -- %2-*C *?/*.**** «&**#•* wnimwur there is a snnny side he regards as an emtny, or at beat a mocker of his imwimy woes. Un­ like the mythical Titan, the victim at disease is not sooeorless. There is an arm to resoue--a balm to cleanse and heaL As remedies for this most depressing of all diseases--"Liver Com- lainta"--none are more efficient or popular than Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Diseovery and Pleasant Purgative Pellets. The Pellets effectu­ ally remove the effete and poisonons matter, while the Medical Discovery imparts strength sxtd health to the entire system. They am*i§& % druggists. ffi L. Rheumatism Quickly Cored. "Dura.ng's Rheumatic Remedy," the great Internal Medicine, will positively cure anycase Of rheumatism on the face of the earth. Price, $1 a bottle, six bottles, $5. Sold by all drug­ gists. Send for circular to Helphenstiiie 1 Bentley, Druggists, Washington, D. C. WHIHOFT'S TONIC !--A SAFE, SUBE, AND SCIENTIFIC CURE !--The unprecedented sale of this, world-renowned medicine proves incon- testiblv that no remedy has superseded the use of tins reliable Tome. No spleen has been found so hard as not to yield to its softening iiaflratMice, and no livor so hypertrophied as not to give up its long-retained bilious secretions, and no Chill or Fever has yet refused to fall into line. 6. B. Fonuur £ Co., Proprietors, New Orleans. FOB SALE BY all DBTJGGXBTU. AFTEB an experience of over twenty- live years, many leading physicians acknowl­ edge that the Graeferiberg MarshaWa Uterine Oatholuxm is the only known certain remedy tor diseases to which women are subject. The Graefenherg Vegetable Pills, the most popular remedy of the day for biliousness, headache, liver complaint and diseases of digestion. Sola by all druggists. Send for almanacs. Oraefen- 3o. , New Y< berg do., York. SEND $1, and fifteen cents for postage, and get the Chicago Ledger for one year. The Ledger is the most successful, in fact the only successful, literary paper ever published in the West. The above pries is merely nominal for such a valuable paper. Address The Ledger, Chicago, 111. IT IS SAID by those who know that DOOLEY & BBOTHBB, the manufacturers of the justly celebrated and well-known Yeast Powder which bears their name, have the largest and most complete establishment of the kind in the world. The capacity of their mammoth fac­ tory is simply marvelous, reaching the immense quantity of five millions of pounds annually. ASTHMA.--Thousands ef the worst osoes of asthma have been relieved by using JONAS WHITCOXB'S REXKDY. In no case of purely asthmatic character has it failed to give relief. INFORMATION worth thousands to those ont of health. Self-help for weak and nervous sufferers. Facts for those who have been dosed, drugged, and quacked. The new Health Jour­ nal teach eg all. Gopiesfree. Add^pss, Electric Quarterly, CincinnaU, O. PONB'S EXTRACT. •-- The Household Remedy for Pain, Cuts, Bonis, Braises, etc. Al­ ways reliable. It never fails. Give it a trial. Hofmann's Hop Pills cure the Agm at once. FONTS EH FonrsEMcr. The People's Bomedy. - The Universal Pain Bstraotor. Vote: Ask for Pond's Extract. Take no other. POND'SEXTBAC ris daily prescribed byPhv- siclans of ail Schools, and has acquired the tiue "The PtopU's Remedy"1 for Plies, Sprains, Lameness, Burns, Scalds, Braises, Soreness, Bolls, iTloers, old Sores, PON D™SB5JTRACT also curesVoothaelie, Headache, Sore Throat, Hssisenesa, Diphtheria, Asthma.Catarrh,Rheu­ matism, Neuralgia, CoHc, lMarrhcea, : etc. It is the great *pe<*fie for Heusorrhasrea from all organs, aad promptly arrests Needing from any source. Send for pamphlet, address, PODS'B BTB40T 00., tt KaUas I*M» UtwTWk. ^ u v my exceptional isfaength/ofits per-- ftese are the pecu­ liar fascinations of i tliia luxurious ar­ ticle, which has ac-1 quired popularity! hitherto unequaledi by any Toilet Soap| of home or foreigi manufacture. Enamel Pit Works White and All Colors and Shades J Mixed Beady for the Brush. This celebrated Paint. It made from strictly Pure Whitj Lead, Metal Zino and Pure Unseed Oil. witb a Chemiod addition that add* greatly to ita durability, beauty an] strength. It will never rub off, will cover more anrfac] to the (allsi: than the common mixture, and ia mucj cheaper. This Faint ia warranted to be more dorabf than an cii lead&ndoi) paint. "IthaabeenaoldexteMiv Ijr all over the West darinc the past ei<ht rears, and ^ (Wen unequaled satisfaction. Sold bjr Dealers gene Ijr. For Sample Cards of Colors and Pnoe-Iists, add A. II. HOLDEN A CO., 849 Madison Streets CHICA $1.00 $1J Osgood's Heliotype Engraving! The choicest househoid ornament*. Pi One JJotlar each. Send fur catalogue JAMES R. OSGOOD & € A<1 BOSTON, MASS. A $1.00 $1.0 reoetptofprloe. Dealers! Sendeardtotoaialogoe. J. lU^OElL lmpOTtor of Musical Instramei and ftitap. lOvCfcaaibers Street* New Ver TRUTH IS MIGHTY! Pnfcssii MsMiasa, Ike pm flaari* Bssr ui VlssM. «Tll fcr loUT •Hk «r «r«*a*4 Uekefhakr, ssafttojwi t wmi yn-ri •T rearfefcs?* fcastasi mr wi\ fakUtasf --l sm, th* tiats sad •!•*» wfcsrs y»« will Im mm, md tlw4at« rtias AMSA IW. MAKTINM. « Ftm«mm B--•. MMS. fUiiih >isln t OOh! Agents. Oh: eVerytkMy. ~jjjk •he MOUNTA1HK Protector, r earr 85 ft*. Circulars free as air. m Q. H. BABRQWS. WUUmaBtio, Ot $5937 Made bv 17 Agents In Jan. 77 w my 13IIICW::v<, leles. Samples fre Address C. jr. IMegioa, Ok™