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MIIBI tfDdffwwt t*k!m Mid Mid AS i • or snn^ f a , , (mod Injunap'."" * rnorr'n one. _ , iat horse Hnimrg#, HI try to place -- _ . --tnoat redskin That tor goodness trumped the a£|kr tmu the bar or Mack's Ford, f< ' Ate*at boy* one day igi Got to BMddnp things quiti lively IB » tell and cartridge way. ' 4 > - •:s¥ * X Iwiri around about me And didn't •onnt the odds-- rd boen Boakln' electricity Like fifty lhrhtninjr rods# When suddenly the Sheriff, JLtd his cuut came bonna And the boys took to their cattle Ana dusted out o" town- Bat mmethlnjr WM the matter. With my bead works, I due say. For 1 stumbled by the roadside And couldn't find my way. And the next I can remember It was nUrht and plt-chy black, v And I tried to strike the trail trom Bnt oonldn't hit a track. And I WM mighty dizzy. And I Celt I should have died, • . ' When standing just l>efore ttw An Injnn's shape I spied. He held hie hands out to me, - Bnt didn't say a word; And when I tried to hail him He neither spoke nor stirred. And then I slipped in somehow Between each sturdy arm. And lie let me down so go a tie ". ; Without a bit o' harm. , f: / ! And I lay there quite eont-rated And slept nntil'tw as day, ; , ? And woke to find him watching At my side the same old way. So I climbed upon my uprights, And a word I couldn't say, Bnt I looked the red man in the And then--1 sneaked away. We parted. But, as yean pass by," . I wonder more and more *«> • i S still that real good Injnn stands - . At Hack's tobacco store. Wl IH ODD VENTURE, F ••Mi tfom Morcambe was in love and in debt--two circumstances which con­ siderably disturbed his equanimity. His pecuniary embarrassments were less serious than his love affair, for the former were of a temporary nature, while the latter threatened to be per­ manent. The combination made him restless and anxious to avoid the society of his fellow-men, so he packed up his portmanteau and started off to refresh his weary soul by a week's solitude by the sad sea waves. Slocum-snper-Mare was his destination, but when he ar­ rived there he found, to his intense dis­ gust, that the quiet seaport town was in a state of turmoil, being on the eve of a contested election. Not being pleased with this state of things, he moved on the next day to Morriston, a small fish­ ing village a few miles up the coast. Tom was in an unsociable frame of mind, and he never even looked at his fellow-passengers. The compartment in which he traveled was fall, but he resolutely buried his face in the news­ paper, and read steadily on till he reached his station. When the train slackened speed at Morriston, he drag!, - .. ged his portmanteau off the rack and,'^",'1'" great antjprise, WM his own--the he had left at Mr. Burrows' house. "What the deuce is the meaning of this?" exclaimed Tom, as the waiter prepared to leave the room. "A young person called just now and left the parcel for the gentleman whose name was on the card," said the man, lingering. "Was there no message?" inquired Tom. "No, sir; only the parcel was to be given into your hands directly," returned ilie waiter. Tom began to perceive that there had been a misunderstanding. No doubt the parcel had been sent by Mr. Bur­ rows in consequence of the letter he had delivered, and was intended for some one else. It was rather a strange proceeding to return a visitor's card, but probably the messenger had bungled over his mission. The most likely explanation seemed to be that Mr. Burrows, imagining that the bearer of the letter had left the wrong card by mistake, had sent it back with the par­ cel. At all events Tom was too sleepy to speculate over the matter, and he therefore carried the parcel up to his room, intending to return it when he called upon Mr. Burrows' in the morn­ ing He was rather surprised at the weight of the package, which was out of all proportion to its size, and when he got upstairs he was seized with curiosity to know what it contained. As it bore no address, he felt, under the circum­ stances, justified in opening it, and he therefore cautiously undid the wrapper. Inside the brown paper covering was a neat deal box, also without address or inscription. It was nailed down, but the fastening was by no means formi­ dable, After a few minutes' hesitation Tom whipped out his pocket-knife and pried open the lid sufficiently to be able to take a peep inside. Another cover­ ing--tissue paper this time --baffled his curiosity, but on lifting the edge of this he beheld a gleam of gold. His amaze­ ment now overcame his scruples, and without more ado he wrenched off the lid completely. _ "Sovereigns, by Jove! The box is literally full of them," he muttered be­ low his breath. Tom could hardly believe his eyes, but he soon convinced himself that he was not mistaken. The sovereigns were neatly arranged in closely-packed layers, and as far as he could judge, the box contained £500 at least. He pro­ ceeded to do up the parcel again in an absent manner, while he speculated upon the meaning of Mr. Burrows con­ duct. Even assuming the box was intended for someone else, it seemed extraordinary proceding to leave such a large sum of money at a hotel in such a reckless way. He had previously ascer­ tained that Mr. Burrows was a retired tradesman of very good repute, and from all accounts he appeared to be the last person to commit such a rash and unbusinesslike action. This singular incident somewhat dis­ turbed Tom's night's rest, for it seemed as though fate had placed in his hands the means of freeing himself <5f his 6 Tipprn- " ~ f- IS" p ! alighted on the platform with a blesse sense of relief at the prospect of a t< days of absolute quietude. The aspect of Morriston was eminen ly calculated to soothe his nerves, fi at that period of the year he had the •place all to himself. There was no other guest at the little inn where he took up his quarters; the native popu- ' lation was represented by a few chil­ dren and old men; the bathing ma-, chines were drawn up high and dry ""above the deserted beach, and the most •complete desolation prevailed. Tom Morcambe wandered for an hour or two along the seashore with perfect satisfaction, and then returned to the i He undid the straps of his portman- ~teftu and unlocked it in an absent frame •of mind, but without any misgivings. He even began to throw the contents, Jell-mell, upon the bed, when suddenly e awoke to the fact that there was •something wrong. A gaudy pair of ' worked slippers first aroused his sus- ; phnons, and, upon further inspection, ' he perceived that the portmanteau, , though it was the very counterpart of his own. evidently belonged to some ; one else. It immediately oocurred to. him that, In his hurried exit from the train, he had appropriated a strange portman- ; teau by mistake. At first he was dis­ posed to blame his own carelessness, but he was not in a mood for self-abase­ ment. He therefore soon commenced ' to launch hearty imprecations at the head of the other fellow, and to specu­ late on what had become of his own * property. From the point of view of equality of exchange there was not much to choose between the two portmantens and their * respective contents; but when Tom re­ flected that his contained, among other tilings, a precious photograph and a lock of golden hair, he l>ecame angrily convinced that he had the worst of the bargain. He was seized with a feverish anxiety to recover his property, and finding among the stranger's luggage a sealed letter addressed to a "Mr. Bur­ rows, of Bilchester, a town about thirty miles off, he resolved to go on there im­ mediately. Doubtless he would suc­ ceed, with the assistance of Mr. Bur­ rows, in tracing tlie person who was the bearer of the letter. He accordingly traveled to Bil­ chester by the afternoon train, which improved his temper by taking the longest time on record in doing the jonrney. When he reached his destina­ tion he found he could not get back to Morriston that night, so that he had to put up at a hotel. Without a moment s delay he called at Mr. Burrows' residence, a modest house in the suburbs of the town. When the servant opened to door he handed her the letter rather unceremoniously, and requested to see her master; but the girl explained that Mr. Burrows was not within, and that she didn't knew when he would return, so he contented himself with writing the name of his liotel on one of his cards, and leaving a , ; s message that he would call in the even­ ing. He returned to his hotel in an uu- •miable mood, but, having done ample justice to a capital dinner, he recovered ids good humor. After all, his own Sit man teau would turn up, sooner or ;er, and meanwhile he need feel no scruple .about making use of the stranger's property. This reflection oc <JOrre<! to him while smoking a soothing cigar after a decent bottle of claret, and J^e consequently resolved to postpone bis visit to Mr. Burrrows' till next morning. . But just as he was thinking of going Hp stairs to bed, the waiter came and banded him a small parcel and a visit­ ing card. The parcel was neatly done tip in brown paper, and bore no name «r inscription. The accompanying card, S t <&'• " • innmlers in<ler-in- ses to do ect. Burrow's injunction, if he could onlv have felt that he was doing right. It seemed hardly likely, however, that a person Would deny'aH knowledge of such a consignment, if he were really the sender. It is true that Tom was inclined to doubt Mr. Burrows' ve­ racity on this point, but, after all, he might be mistaken. He hurried back to his hotel and questioned the waiter who had taken in the parcel. The man, however, adhered to his story, and was quite certain that Mr. Burrows' name had never been mentioned. After all, the only circumstance which connected that gentleman's name with the parcel was the accompanying card which had been left at the house, and Tom had done his best to follow up this clue. As there appeared to be no one in the hotel who expected to receives par­ cel, Tom resolved to apply to Mr. Strawbridge, of Slocum, to elucidate the mystery. In his excitement he had forgotten all about his missing port­ manteau ; but it now occured to him that Mr. Strawbridge could explain the whole affair; for Tom still suspected that the parcel had been intended for the messenger who carried the letter, and upon reflection he felt more and more convined that Mr. Burrows, for some mysterious reason, had deliber­ ately attempted to deceive him. Tom therefore traveled to Slocum by the earliest train, revolving these things in his mind, and at the end of the jonr­ ney, having recollected the impending election, he had formulated his ideas a little. He was hardly surprised to learn that Mr. Strawbridge was the Con­ servative agent, and, though it had been given out that the election was to be cbnducted on party principles, he be­ gan to feel a little suspicious. He called upon Mr. Strawbridge at his office, but discovered that he was attending a noisy meeting of his party at the as­ sembly-rooms. Tom waited patiently until the proceeding broke up, and then took the earlient opportunity to accost him. Unfortunately, Mr. Strawbridge was a fussy, self-important individual, and little suspecting the delicate nature of Tom's communication, he declined to accede to his request for a private in­ terview, but roughly reqnested him to state his business on the spot. His man­ ner put Tom's back up, and although there were several persons in hearing, Tom did not hesitate to inform him that owing to an accidental circumstance he had been entrusted with a box of sov­ ereigns to deliver to him. Tom then proceeded to detail the facts of the case, and his story caused a perceptible stir among the bystanders. "Pooh! pooh! It's all nonsense," in­ terposed Mr. Strawbridge, turning very red, and glancing apprehensively around him.. "But what did the note mean then?" cried Tom, not relishing the statement. "The money was sent to me because I was believed to be your messenger." "Hullo, Strawbridge!" exclaimed a voice from the crowd, significantly. "Gentlemen, I assure you this is an unworthy manoeuvre of our opponents," said Mr. Strawbridge, raising his voice. . "It is an attempt to convict me of West 3 neices, Mrs. Fisher 4i bribery and corruption. I know CM tie. nothing about the parcel. This young Miss Montgomery, ef Verrman has been sent here to prejudice teaching in the Slocum Lake stour candidate, and to spread damaging Mrs, James Sheldon, of MeE™1^8, , v .» u ---- - Shame! shame! burst from the ex- so vivid that he qnite longed to disem- barass himself of his treasure. Accordingly he set forth as early as possible next morning to Mr. Burrows' house with the parcel under his arm. He sent in his card and was ushered into a small sitting-room; but, after a short interval, the servant returned with a message that her master was to unwell to see him. "I called about this parcel," said Tom. "It was left at my hotel last night, and I think there must be some mistake. Will you ask Mr. Burrows. The servant disappeared again, bnt presently brought back word that Mr. Burrows did not understand what he was alluding to, and knew nothing about any parcel. "What!" exclaimed Tom, in amaze­ ment. "Why, it was left at my hotel last night with the card which I de­ livered into your hands at the door yes­ terday afternoon. Of course, I imagined it must have come from Mr. Burrows." "Mr. Burrows says he don't know anything about it," said the girl, looking mystified. "You gave him my card, I suppose, and the note ?" said Tom, after a pause of astonishment. "Yes,'sir! directly he came in," said the servant. "This is mostjxtraordinCry. Just go up to your master again, my girl, and repeat whet I have told you. You might also ask him if he would kindly let me know the contents of the note I delivered," he added, as an after­ thought. Before Tom had time to collect his scattered ideas, the servant came back again, looking rather scared, with an envelope in her hand, which he recog­ nized as the note he had brought the day before. "Master has forbidden me to come near him again," said the servant, laying the note on the table. "He is in a dread i ul passion. He says it's a cock and-bull story, but you're welcome to see the letter." 0 "A cock-and-bull story, is it?" growled Tom, snatching up the letter. It strikes me I'm being made a fool of, anyway. Hullo! what does this mean?" He had opened the envelope, and found it contained nothing but a plain sheet of letter paper and a card, l^e latter bore the name of MB. A. C. STBKWBBIDOB, cited bystanders; and Tom, who was by no means disposed to take this rebuff calmly, suddenly became the object of popular indignation. Before he had time or opportunity for remonstrance, his hat was crushed over his eyes, and he was violently ejected into the street. But he clung to the precious parcel with dogged determination, and man­ aged to carry it away with him. Tom was a hot-tempered fellow, but he had a pretty shrewd eye to his own interests. After what had passed, he guessed that neither Mr. Burrows nor Mr, Strawbridge would be anxious to claim the box of sovereigns, which he considered himself entitled to retain by way of damages for the injuries he had sustained. He took the next train to town, and paid the money into his banking account, and then wrote to both of the above-named gentlemen, ex-> pressing his willingness to refund the money to whichever was entitled to it, upon receiving a satisfactory explana­ tion. Strange to say, neither of these communications elicited any reply, and from what he afterwards gathered from the local press, Tom is inclined to be­ lieve that he will remain in undisputed possession of his spoiL--London Truth. Solicitor, SLOCCM. and beneath was written in pencil "Bearer suspects nothing." * "Well. I'm ; > Listed my girl this is all nonsense," broke forth Tom impetuously. Here I am landed with a confounded parcel that I know notli ing about. Go and tell your master must see him--or, at all events, ask him .what I am to do with this thing." "I dusn't go near him, sir," said the girl, shrinking back. "Besides, he particularly said I wasn't to take the parcel. He says he knows nothing aboiit it." "Very well, then," said Tom in des peration. "It is all a mistake, but if he won't see me, I shan't take any more trouble." With this Tom marched out of the house'in a great state of virtuous in dignation, but with an odd sensation that fate had decreed he should keep the money. He would have left the parcel with the servant in spite of Mr, THTUBMMWFSK. The Heredity of Crime. "The principles of hereditary descent seem to hold good as to counterfeiting. Of course, there are many exceptions. Here we have a criminal whose ancestry seems to have been perfectly pure and honest. Here we have one whose an­ cestry is one continuous chain of jail­ birds. But, in general, the rule holds good. Bad parents produce bad chil­ dren, and parents who are counterfeiters breed counterfeiters." "Have you any cases where the crime runs through several generations ?" "Yes, many. I have now in my mind family in Indiana who, for three gen­ erations, liaye been practicing counter­ feiting. I believe the fourth will follow in the footsteps of the preceding ones. All along the line they have been de­ tected and punished, but they plot and replot, and are no sooner out of prison for one crime than they are in again for another. They are bright, intellectually, and could make a good living in other ways, but villainy seems bred in their bones, and it comes out in the flesh, generation after generation. We have number of other cases where the crime has existed in whole families for two generations, and seems to l>e fair!y progessing towards a third. It often runs through a whole connection, and fathers and sons, brothers and sisters are now in prison for not the same bnt successive and different crimes.--Inter­ view with Secret Service Officer.. Gave Him Change. "An ken ye give me the ehange fur twintv-foive cints?" asked Dennis of a merchant. "Yes, I think I can." "An'will ye?" . "Yes, here it is," ane lie handed him five nickels. "But hold on. Where's the twenty-five cents?" 'Oi hev no twinty-foive cints, yer honor. Oi only wanted change fur wan an' ye said ye'd give it to me. Good day, sor."--Arkanxax Traveler. PROFESSOB G. K. GILBERT, United States geologist, proposes an earth­ quake at Salt Lake as a solution of the Mormon question. THE price of good-looking young China girl* in San Francisco ranges from $500 to $1,000. AN honest man needs no other reoont mendation. X. Short but Trne Ghost Story, My father was a Briton. He lived in England many years Ago? He resided at Ipswich, and once had occasion to go to London upon business. It was dur­ ing a period of great popular commo­ tion, and, the city being very full, he had some trouble in finding a lodging. The master of the house observed that it was a good, large room (for he could get but one), and very comfortable, if he did not mind--for there he stopped, for his wife gave hitn a nudge. That made my father suspect that something was not quite right. "It isn't over a slaughter-house, or a burial-ground, or a dissecting-room, is it?" says he. "Oh, dear, no," says the landlord; "but some people say the next house is haunted, and that anybody who sleeps in this room can see* a lady in white, crying, at that window that you can see there." "O! is that all!" says my father, "per­ haps there's some poor maniac con­ fined there. Whether or no, however, that's no objection, for I don't care a rush for all the ghosts that ever were invented." Well, he took possession of the room, and before night closed in he had an op­ portunity of taking an accurate survey of the neighboring premises. A lead roof, apparently over a workshop, lay between his his"window and that where the ghost was said to appear; only there was this difference, that he could easily step out of his upon the leads, whereas the neighbor's was about nine or ten feet higher. My father always vowed that he wasperfectlysober when he went to bed. He couldn't tell how long he had been asleep, when he was suddenly awakened by loud screams, and when he opened his eyes he saw that the opposite house was on fire. He was out on the leads in a moment. The haunted room was filled with bright flames, and at the window stood a lovely young woman, clasping a baby in her arms and screaming for help. ' "Oh! save my child! save mj child!" she kept on crying in tones of such an­ guish that they went to my father's very heart. "Give it to me," he said, "and then jump out into my arms. The distance is nothing--you cannot be hurt. Take courage. Now give me the baby." She leaned forward and dropped the baby, wrapped up in a shawl, into my father's arms. Just as he got it safe it seemed to him that the roof fell in. There was a crashing noise, but not very loud ; the flames disappeared, and so did the young lady. In at his window he rushed again, and through the house shouting "fire! fire!" with all his might, and with the baby still in his arms. Out rushed the landlord as pale as a ghost, and his *«'ife after him in such a monument of a night-cap that it quite overawed my father even in the midst of his agitation. The maid was shrieking murder down in the kitchA, and the apprentices had tumbled out from un­ der the counter in the shop, and were poking their noses out and kindly in­ quiring who was killing her; and on every landing up the stairs the lodgers were calling out to know what was the matter. There was altogether a terrific row in the place. * "The next house is on fire!" said my father. "It's only the old .story," said the landlord. "Bun up stairs, my dear, and tell them it's a false alarm." "But it is not a false alarm," says my father, "for I saw the flames and I saw the roof fall in, and I {ear that a lady is buried in the ruins. Why don't you come and help ber f < She had just dropped her child into my arms when the roof fell." 5 The landlady then first set eyes on the bundle, for her husband at that moment lighted a candle from the rush right, which had very imperfectly il­ luminated the scene before, "A baby!" says she. "Yes," says my father; "and I think I'd better leave it with you, madam, while I go and endeavor to rescue the mother." The woman did not speak nor utter a sound, but she just lifted up the shawl from the child's face, and dropped down like a lump of lead on the floor. Instead of attending to her, both my father and the landlord looked into the shawl. It contained the skeleton of an infant, wrapped up in the rags of what had once been very costly garments. My father felt very sick, and the land­ lord staggered back against the wall and do-opped the candlestick out of his hand. When the landlady fell (she was a toll, heavy woman, and gave the house a good shake) the maid screamed murder louder than ever, and the lodg­ ers called out yet more energetically to know what was the matter. That frightened the landlord back into his senses, for he thought if they came down and saw what my father had got, it would frighten them all out of the house. So lie couglit up the candle, which luckily was not extinguished by the fall, and pushed my father, with his bundle, into the bed-room. Then he called out that it was only the strange gentleman had had the nightmare, and so his wife had been frightened into a fainting fit. So they all w$nt grumb­ ling back to bed, and the man helped his wife into her room, where my father stood trembling and shaking, not hav- ing presence of mind enough to put down the bundle, and not even daring too look into it again. The litUe skeleton was quietly buried the next day by an old sexton, who asked no questions, as he knew the landlord was a respectable householder; and so they all concluded that the ghost was satisfied, and that that was the reason why she never appeared again. When my father examined the place closely by daylight, he saw evident marks of fire about the windows, but he was assured that these were the re­ mains of a fire that had happened there a great many years before. In short the whole affair of the apparition seemed to shroud some feartul mystery, which was perfectly inexplicable.--New York New*. little liquor left in the bottle.--Texan Siftings. - - - A Remarkable Incident. I am much interested in the diffhsioo. and penetration of sounds, as illustrated bv the inability to hear the rolling of a train of cars passing at the distance of half a mile; and the distinct audibility of the same train after it had increased its distance from the hearer to two miles. The fact that the phenomenon was uniform and independent of the direction of winds and other atmos­ pheric conditions (if I understood aright) gave increased interest to it. The explanation given at various times by Mr. Tyndall in his report on fog horns, steam whistles, etc., and the ex­ planations given by others, leave us in doubt whether the resonant qualities of superficial soils or sub-soils, the vary­ ing densities of adjacent air strata, or the funnel or other shaped contour of the country--one or all may give the true solution of it. I have not under­ stood you in the "Problem" or The Microcosm, to object- specially to any particular solution of it, whether pro­ pounded by Mr. Tyndall or others; but only to claim that the wave theory could not so satisfactorily adapt itself to any solution as could that of substan­ tial emanations of sound, by a law of conduction of its own. This paper is not designed to pro­ pound any view of the matter, nor to discuss any already propounded; but simply to provoke from you some ex­ planation, whether more or less satis­ factory, of an incident more remarkable, I think, than any mentioned by Mr. Tyndall. Indeed some people may think it rather a "hard story". To be sure of the correctness of the facts, I consulted with Dr. B. A. Lewis, assis­ tant surgeon of the regiment to be men­ tioned presently, and himself distin­ guished as a teacher of natural science, by whom the facts to be stated arefully verified. On the 16th day of July, 1861, the 21st Virginia regiment of infantry (af­ terward attached to the famous divis­ ion of "Stonewall" Jackson, and serving under him till the close of his career) left Richmond on the cars for Staunton, Ya. After halting at Staunton for a day or two, it marched westward for Huntersville, in Pocahontas county. About 3 o'clock p. m., on the 21st day of July, they went into camp about two days' march west of Staunton and im­ mediately after they heard distinctly the roar of cannon. So constant, distinct and appearantly near were the dis­ charges of batteries and single guns that the Colonel of the regiment was convinced that a Confederate force not far off was engaged in battle with Bosecranz near McDowell, and rode to the top of Shenandoah Mountain, where he met with several persons, who in­ formed him that all was quiet in front of Bosecranz. The next day the regi­ ment pursued its march westwardly; and being now out of reach of railroads and telegraphs, it waB more than a week before they heard any explanation of the artillery fire, when they learned that on that day occured the great bat­ tle of Manassas, and that there had been no fighting anywhere else. It was im­ possible to doubt that;the sound of the guns heard by them came from that battle-field. Now it is to be observed that the regi­ ment was in the midst of the Alleghany mountains, the Blue Bidge range of mountains, and "Southwest range" (east of the Blue Bidge and parallel to it, at an average distance of 200 miles) both intervened between the hearers and Manassas, and that the distance be­ tween the two points in an air-line is about 140 or 150 miles, as may be seen on any good map or atlas. I afterwards learned from various people living be­ tween the two points, at a distance of from thirty to forty miles and upwards from Manassas that these guns were not heard in their country. In addition to these facts, I have been informed reliably and responsibly that at a later period of the war, the* guns of the battle at or near "Harri­ son's Landing," on James river, were "distinctly audible" at Amherst Court House in Virginia--a distance of about 160 miles--but for this last fact I cannot vouch as for the others. I am well aware that any solution of such phenomena, must, in the present state of our knowledge, be more or less speculative, and would depend on many conditions as to soil, contour of country, atmospheric conditions, which $|p- not supply.--Col. J. M. Patton. ~ Ber. Luther (J. Riggs. & - Some years back the Bev. Luther G. Biggs was a Connecticut preacher,wide­ ly noted for shrewd and laughable say­ ings. In the pulpit he maintained a suitable gravity of manner and expres­ sion, but out of the pnlpit he over­ flowed with fun. Occasionally he would, if emergency seemed to require, introduce something queer in a sermon for the sake of arousing the flagging attention of his hearers. Seeing that his audience was getting sleepy, he paused in his discourse, on one occa­ sion, and discoursed as follows: "Brethren, you haven't any idea of the sufferings of our missionaries in the new settlements on account of the mos­ quitoes. The mosquitoes in some of those regions are enormous. A great many of them would weigh a pound, and they get on the logs and bark when the missionaries are passing by." By this time all eyes and ears were open, and he then proceeded to finish discourse On the next day one of his hearers called him to account for telling lies in the pulpit. "There never was a mosquito which weighed a pound," he said. "But I did not say that one of them would weigh a pound," answered the Bev. Luther. "I said a great many of them would weigh a pound, and I think a million of them would." But you said they barked at til missionaries." "Mo, no, brother. I said they would get on the logs and bark."--St. Louis Illustrated Magazine. Yery Appropriate. A prominent army officer, whose oom- mand is stationed at San Antonio, and whose name we charitably suppress, re­ cently passed though Austin, returning from a leave of absence, and dropped into Marks' photograph gallery to have his picture taken. Mr. Marks brought some books to place on the table beside which the officer was to sit during the process. "Here, none of them!" said the sol­ dier ; "books have too much of the civil­ ian look about them." "But, my dear sir," remonstrated Mr. Marks, "It will hardly look well to have the table bare." . "It won't eh?" said the officer, "then put a pack of cards, a bottle of whisky, ' and some glasses on the table. And, | remember, there must be only a very A Growing Fond. In February, 1832, the centennial celebration of Washington's birth took place in Portsmouth, N. H. The sur­ plus after paying expenses, amounting to $8 67, was deposited in the Ports mouth Savings Bank. The dividends to January 1, 1882, brought the $8.67 up to $145.58, and if the accumulations con­ tinue for the ensuing fifty years in the same ratio, the sum will amount in 1932--the next centennial--to $2,300, The money will then be used for another celebration. JOAQUIN MILLER is about twenty years older than his Btep-father. LAST year 161,000 Italians emigrated from their native land. COTTON is still king in Tegm. It keeps-ahead of wooL THE FAULT PHTglClA*. FOR CURING ERYSIPELAS.--One PINT of sweet milk and a handful of poke- berry roots. This is said to be a sure cure. A REMEDY FOR CANCER.--Take the blossoms of rod clover and make tea of them, and drink freely. It will cure caucer in the stomach as well as on the surface.--Hearth and Home. SALT FOR THE THROAT.--Salt is rec­ ommended as a relief for a drv, hacking cough. Dissolve a tablesp'oonful of pure salt in a wineglassful of water. Use this as a gargle just befor» meal time. RR.DLKJ- S- WILSON, in the Southern World, declares that to cure a fever, or act on the kidneys, no febrifuge or di­ uretic is superior to the juice of fresh, ripe watermelons, which may, with very few exceptions, be taken in sickness and in health, in almost unlimited quantity, not only without injury, but with posi­ tive benefit.--Dr. Foot*!* Health Monthly. * DIGESTIBILITY OF Eoos.--The egg is more nutritious than the average ani- mal foods, but not so much so as the grains--and is easily digested, if not spoiled in cooking. It is principally albumen, carbon and water, the former being a very valuable constituent of our food. W hile it is a well-known princi­ ple that a certain amount of heat--that from 140 to 150 degrees, so coagulates it as to very much impair its nutriment and digestibility, if not, as claimed, ut­ terly destroy the nutrition, it follows that the more usual cooking must prove unfavorable to health. Of course no article of food can be of any a9ail only so far as it becomes digested, so changed that it may be appropriated by the system. That part only, which the digestive organs may be able to assimi­ late, will prove nutritious--not the whole amount eaten of necessity. It has been reoently claimed--on M-hat principle and by what authority I am not able to learn, that when the egg is cooked about three minutes it is easy of digestion, but if two more minutes ara added, it is rendered very difficult of digestion, while if twenty-four more are added, or even more, that this hard­ ening of the albumem is counteracted, the yelk becoming: powdered, so as to be easily disposed of by the. stomach! We are not told how the wonderful transformations are secured, while it is not necessarily true that the digesti­ bility of food depends on its mealiness. Nor is it true that the most objectiona­ ble part--when thoroughly cooked-- the white, or albuminous portion, is thus powdered. This becomes decid­ edly "leathery," tough, severely taxing the digestive organs, even if it can be digested at all, practically. This no­ tion of the increased digestibility in consequence of thorough cooking may have originated in the brain (stomach) of some medical man who was partial to such cooking, announcing it as a physiological principle, to be caught up by many of the press, since some seem to love to circulate notions at variance with acknowledged principles, or in ac­ cordance with vitated tastes. Dr. Beau­ mont, who had the best opportunities for judging of the digestibility of vari­ ous foods, looking into the stomach of St. Martin, a part of it having been shot away, refusing to heal, affords us the only reliable information on this important matter. I do not know that any one has ever questioned his ability to give accurate information, or his hon­ esty, during the four years of his ob­ servations and experiments. The "whipped raw egg" as he assures us, is digested in one hour and a half; the same, not whipped, in two hours; roasted, two and one-fourth; soft boiled, three hours; hard-boiled, or fried, three and one-half hours. These fact are suggestive, and will aid those who wish to use' this valuable article in the best possible manner.--Dr. J. H. Ilana/ord. Modern Courtship Scene. 'And you really love me dearly?" he asked, as he-coiled his arms around her wasp-like system. "And you'll always love me so?" "Always, Frederick; ever so." "And you pledge me to sew but----" "Sir!" "You pledge me to so beantify my life that it will always be as happy as now?" "With my last breath, Frederick." "And, darling, you will uumd my stoc " "Your what, sir?" * "You will mend my stock of knowl­ edge and draw me upward and onward to a better existence ?" 'It will be the pride of my love so to do, Frederick; I will sacrifice all for your complete happiness." "I know that, sweetheart. But sup­ pose in the fullness of time some acci­ dent should happen to--to--say--the trou * \ 'You forget yourself, sir. To the what?" "To the trousseau; would it defer the hour that makes you mine?" "Never, Frederick. I am yours, mind and heart, and naught can seperate us." "And yon will care for me ever, my soul, and I for you, for though I nuy never have a shir " t 'Enough. Leave me forever." 'But listen. Though I may never have a shirking disposition, I shall sometimes, perhaps, in the struggle of life, forget the plain duty " "Ah, I'll remind you of it, Frederick, in tender actions, and make the duties of existence so pleasaut of performance that to avoid them will be pain." And so on. That's modern courtship. Lots of abstract swash, but a manifest disinclination to contemplate such con­ veniences as buttons, socks, trousers and Bliirts. FTTH AHD POINT. 'To­ KO Collusion. "Prisoner at the bar," remarked the judge to a colored man, "you are charged with stealing foar chickens." "Yes, sah, dat's wot the ossifer said." "Didyou doit?" "Dat's wot I'm here to find out about, boss." "I don't mean that, sir. I under­ stand you had a partner in crime, and he is now under arrest." "I'm glad tcr heali dat, boss, foh dat nigga stole um." "May be he did. Now, prisoner, wasn't there some collusion between you two in the accomplishment of the robl»ery ?" "No, sah; Bho's you' live dar wusnt. Dar wuzn'f a thing 'tween us, boss, but a palin' fence, and dat nigga wnz on de side whar de hen coop wuz, boss, an* dis nigga staid ovah on his own side an' nevah teclied a chicken, boss, till dey wuz all done stole. Dis niggah, sah, is above stealin' a neighbah's chickuns, an' dat's how I'se gwine to prove dat I'm a innocent victum, boss, to dat udder nigga who'd steal chickuns from his grand mammy."--Merchant Trav­ eler. | [From the Fort Wayne HoMteJ : A SWEET strain--pulling taffy. PAY as you go. If you can't pay, stay, BAKINO powder crashed will rise again- . . pt- "IT'S a cold day when I'm left--hang*, ing," said the icicle. "IT'S only a waste of goods," said'the fellow when he hugged the dry goods dummy by mistake. "I LOVED thee once, I love the stiHi sings the whisky guzzler. THE wearning of corsets is on the de- crease. That's what they're for. AN editor who was attacked by two rowdies put them to flight with a stick of wood. He gave them club rates. r "I AM never missed any more when I go off on a visit," sighed a West Wayne street lady. "Why not?" asked her friend. "Because, since I got married they all call me Mrs." s *'• _ [From the American Conntlnf-Baom.] ^**4: THE busiest printer takes the most e's. "•!'# . IT is a wise politician that can sti&d- dlethe tariff. PURCHASERS of petroleum certificates are crude speculators. ; j, A SAD man is not always large, though he may be one of great sighs. To BE safe in "the madding crowd,** even a watch should be on guard, -w IT is not natural for millionaires ojr cannabal islands to object to tbe di-et ? STRIKES seldom pay. A match is one of the few things that can strike to JM}> rantage. • WHAT is "as rare as the day in June?" A day in February, as there are two lew in the year. SUCCESSFUL merchants ought to make good fishermen because they know how to secure the net profits. SOME men are often like lamps. They may be bright and shining lights and yet wlien you look inside you will find them wicked. ' LEMONS may not be very nutritions is a steady article of food, but there are thousands of people who live on the Rhine, and are healthy. (From Carl Pretzel's Weekly.] THE housewife's refrain--"Let us sweep." ' OF all books the almanac is the md«$ seasonable. ^ The influence that cotton wields is felt everywhere. THE song of the dude--We onlj cackle as we pass by. "Do THEY miss me at home, do they miss me?" sang Boodleby's wife at a parlor concert, and Boodleby came up and whispered in he'r ear: "'Don't be a fool. How can they 'Miss' you when jrou've been a 'Mrs.' for twenty years." 'TIS on the street that dudes do reign, Sublime with waxed moustache, and oeitrn. They've lots oi gall, hut little breign. And try to mash with niijrht and maign. At Sarah, Lillie and at Jcitfn They stare in hopes that they will fffeiga Some smitten heart, and thus obtaiga , One more to add to list ot sletgn; Bnt when, to father, girls ccmpleiffn. He goes tor dude with words profelira And reigns in blows which causes pelgn, And doth the masher's art restreiim. Accidental Poisoning. dreacl being poisoned; few ! what to do when poisoned. Even we educated people are ignorant of the simplest antidotes for venomous bites or poisonous draughts. A writer in Hall's .Journal of Health states two ideas which if remembered would save many lives. He says: "If you have swollowed a poison, whether laudanum, arsenic, or other poisonous drug, put a tablespoonful of ground mustard in a glass of water, cold or warm, stir and swallow quickly. Instantaneously the contents of the stomach will be thrown up, not allow­ ing the poisonous substance time to be absorbed and taken into the blood. "As soon as vomiting ceases, swallow the white of one or two eggs, for the purpose of antagonizing any small por­ tion of the poison which may have been left behind. Let the reader remember the principle, which is, to get the poison out of you as soon as possible. "There are other things which will also serve as a speedy emetic, but the advantage of mustard is, it is always on hand, it acts instantaneously, without any after medical effects. The use of the white of an egg is, that although it does not nullify all poisons, it antago­ nizes a larger number than any other agent so readily attainable. "But having taken the mustard or egg, send for a physician: these are ad­ vised in order to save time; as the de­ lay of twenty minutes often causes death. The same writer adds the following useful information: "Cures of bites and stinga:--Almoet all these are destructive from their acid nature; consequently the cure is aa alkali. Spirits of hartshorn is one of the strongest, and is kept in almost every household, and you have only to pour some out in a tea-cup and dabble ft on with a rag. Belief is immediate. "If you have not hartshorn, then sal- eratus is a suitable alkali Every cook in the land has saleratus, and we are daily eating ourselves into the grave by its extravagant use--the use of half a thimbleful a week is extravagant. ,, "Moisten it with water and use as in tbe case of hartshorn. Or, pour a tea­ cup of boiling water on as much wood- ashes, stir it and in a few moments you will have an alkali The lye of the ashes will answer a good purpose whito the physician is coming. "Bemember the principle; the bite ia an acid, the cure is an alkali. • ' "Have we not before now looked with wonder on the old negro who ran out when the wasp's sting made us 'holler,' caught up 'three kinds' of weeds, rubbed the part well, and in five minutes we were happy ? ' "But why three* kinds 4>f weeds? The old man would tell you that 'three* »nd all it multiples were 'magic' num­ bers. The fact is you can scarcely gather up three kinds of plants any­ where, one of which will not have more or less of alkali in Jit.--Yotith'8 Cowtr panum. ^ PatV Evasive Answer. v "Pat," said his reverence, "I shall he very busy this afternoon, and if any one calls I do not wish to be disturbed." "All right, sor; will I tell them you're pot it?" "No, Pat; that would be a lie." "An' phwat'll I say, your riverence?" "Oh, just put them off with an evasive answer." At supper time Pat was asked if any one had called. "Faix, them did." "And what did you tell him?" said the priest. "Shure, an' I give an evasive answer." "How was that?" queried his reverence. "He axed me if yer honor was in, an' I see to him, ses I, 'Was yer gran'mother a hoot-owl?'" --Chicago Times. ' PORTIONS of Kentucky control a i ner" on the dried frwt trade. •->„